6 Do New Images Mean New Mothers?
6.2 The Mother-blaming Culture
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In a nutshell, maternal identity construction is more straightforward than before, specifically through social media. More than just tangling the mothers themselves with the good mother ideology, the participants’ commercialization of maternal images is also the byproduct of their maternal identity construction aspiration.
6.2 The Mother-blaming Culture
In this research several participants unveiled the phenomenon that mothers are bound to meet certain social expectations. Moreover, they felt the need to adjust their self-presentation suitably. Cara, as the most famous influencer among the mother influencers interviewed, once shared with me her hesitation when manifesting herself:
“Sometimes I hesitate a lot when posting myself, especially when I am in my bathing suit.” She continues with the question that puzzled her: “I wonder if it will be too exposed.” Cara found that being careful about her images online is an obligation of being a mother influencer. Again, the mother influencers suffer from severe surveillance and scrutiny from their followers. To explain such a situation, Anna shared what she had been confronted with:
“There was one time I shared a conversation with my in-law. My mother-in-law dressed my daughter that day. It was a T-shirt with a Peppa Pig on it. I thought it was tacky. Moreover, a mother blamed me for the act of laughing at my daughter. I felt it was inappropriate. You can suggest to me, instead of attacking me.”
In Anna’s case, it is clear that she as a mother is prone to greater condemnation with matters concerning children. Anna admitted that being a mother influencer is tough for her, because people would come to her and tell her what to do. The blame is
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something she cannot not deal very well with as an influencer online. She feels sad when confronting such situations.
To deal with such surveillance, the mother influencers are inclined to present their content more carefully and deliberately, especially content related to their children. To be more specific, the mother influencers tend to avoid stigmatizations by curating what they present. Scholars examined mothers on Instagram and found that those who share problematical subjects suffer more criticism from the Instagram community (Djafarova
& Trofimenko, 2017, p.25). Mothers find it hard to disclose their motherhood problems since condemnation marks them as lacking a “maternal instinct” or failing to be mothers (as cited in Collett, 2005, p.333). The mother influencers’ attitudes towards presenting their children cannot be separate from mother-blaming. Mother-blaming refers to the judgmental culture based on mothers’ responsibility for “children’s action, behavior, health, and well-being” (as cited in Gueta et al., 2016, p.2).
Since society is continually imposing the pressure of being a “good mother” on mothers, modifying their presentation has become the primary rule among the mother influencers. Relating this issue to Cathy and Katie, they mentioned similar scenarios:
“I had shared an Instagram story of my baby sleeping face down. I acknowledged that once other mothers saw the situation, they would judge me. So, I immediately clarified myself in the next Instagram story. I clearly stated that I did keep my baby safe and made sure his face turned back to the upper side the next second.”
(Cathy)
“I remember that a friend of mine once shared content about her baby sleeping face down. She then received feedbacks from other mothers like, ‘how can you let a baby sleep like that’, or ‘do you know sleeping face down will lead to the death
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warriors (jeng yi mo ren: a term to describe individuals who impose their morals and values upon others and make judgments). I mean, what kind of mother will kill their children or make their kids suffer? I just felt so upset and speechless.”
(Katie)
When the mother influencers put themselves on the Instagram stage, followers examine their motherhood performance. Cathy is aware of the judgments she might receive online for fear of being blamed by other mothers. Katie’s excerpt signifies the struggle most mothers confront when they fail to meet social expectations. These mother influencers fear negative evaluation from others when presenting themselves online. Furthermore, incidents have explicitly pointed out that mother followers also take part in the blaming culture, even as they are mothers themselves. As surveillance increases, it constantly stigmatizes and condemns the mother’s failure to meet social expectations. In addition to subjecting to children, there are more constraints placed upon mothers nowadays.
Mothers in patriarchal systems carry the burden of meeting social expectations.
Moreover, since influencers bear tremendous social pressure, they need to be aware of their images online. Applying Goffman’s impression management to Instagram as a social media platform, the participants’ profiles are the stage where they exhibit ideal motherhood. Scholars found that individuals manage to present their positive aspects of selves by stabilizing the best possible impression on others (Ma et al., 2017). Strictly speaking, the mother influencers desire prestige and social attention from others and also assure themselves to remain positive (Song et al., 2017). Overarching the self-presentation theory, people regulate their “performance” when facing different people in order to retain a “good public image” (as cited in Cañigueral & Hamilton, 2019, p.2).
In a sense, individuals alter their behavior to sustain “a positive public image,” when
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people are watching (Cañigueral & Hamilton, 2019, p.2). Namely, under the scrutiny of social judgment, the participants are more concerned and restrain themselves more.
The most significant theme is sharing positively. As their primary consideration on Instagram, the participants need to be cognizant about their manifestations by avoiding negative content. Prominent research offered insights into why people share positive content online. The positivity of the contents provide “positive social benefits”
and “well-being” to others online (as cited in Thoumrungroje, 2017, p.8). Moreover, particular posts, such as positive content, achieve positive feedbacks (Thoumrungroje, 2017). When users seek positive feedback from their followers, they choose not to share negative content online (Djafarova & Rushworth, 2017).
Scholars have alleged that Instagram is a positive kind of media (Kutthakaphan &
Chokesamritol, 2013) in which its community includes abundant inspirations and supports articulating good news that mothers seek (Djafarova & Trofimenko, 2017).
Moreover, since people can regulate the contents on their profiles desirably, they favor to present themselves in a more positive way (Gonzales & Hancock, 2011). Djafarova and Rushworth (2017) also found that users on Instagram prefer to keep positive presentations of themselves, similar to the mother influencers’ habit of exhibiting selves.
The pressure inflicted on the influencers is of great concern, which is also why this research targeted mother influencers. Rose, Emma, and Anna shared their views on positive presentations on Instagram:
“I don’t like to share negative things on my profile; or, I will not put my stories directly. I will be more reserved for my emotions if I want to share something sad or any other negative feelings.” (Rose)
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“If I have arguments with my husband or my kids, like some little fights, I choose to share it with a more peaceful tone. Alternatively, I will not post it. I do not share negative things with my followers. I prefer to share interesting stories.” (Emma)
“I share certain values like women should care more about individual stories.
These stories can sometimes be serious. They may contain negative sentiments. I will transfer those sentiments more positively - for example, sharing encouraging words. I want to keep my profile more positive.” (Anna)
Rose confronted the isolation that led to the manifestation of her personal stories on Instagram, but she did not want to present them negatively or directly. She felt obligated to be reserved online. A similar idea also emerged on Emma’s idea of not exposing specific contents, such as fights with family. In addition to avoiding negativity, Anna, as a woman who advocates self-love and self-care, treats her self-presentation seriously. According to Anna’s aim of sharing these types of stories, positivity is required to encourage her followers. Anna manages her self-presentation carefully.
Annie mostly manifests smiley faces and happy mother-child interactions to stabilize a positive presentation. She shared her desired impression: “I want people to feel that I’m a happy person, sharing happiness with others.” More importantly, the tendency of positive presentation emerges not only on Annie’s profile. All the participants in this research presented themselves similarly to Annie. However, Annie is the only one who is aware of her deliberate online image for creating impression. She spoke of her purpose forthrightly, while the others did not speak of their goal of sharing things positively. Positive self-presentation also indicates that the participants do not have the real freedom of presenting themselves.