Chapter 2 Anxiety, Signs and Consequence
2.2 Man of Anxiety I: The Ignorant Man
2.2.2 Anxiety within the Household
2.2.2.2 A Mother: Dora Strang
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person Frank normally appears to be, Frank demonstrates a sense of nervousness and a lack of confidence in this situation. Note that in this scene Alan does not ask him to explain anything. In other words, Frank’s nervousness may result from his sense of being an unqualified paternal model, because he knows that he has been lying—he is aware of his self-contradiction. If we apply Rollo May’s concept of anxiety, Frank can be said to have lost spiritual connection with his family and with himself, demonstrating his damaged totality of existence. As a man of profession, a husband, and a father, Frank is conditioned by the values these roles represent, namely the capitalistic ideas and the paternal authority. He is under the influence of anxiety.
2.2.2.2 A Mother: Dora Strang
Similar to her cynical husband, Dora Strang shows her own identity crisis as she emphasizes that she has dutifully fulfilled her maternal roles as a mother and a wife in the family, but shows a hysterical sense of guilt and experiences emotional breakdown. Her unawareness of her own inner conflict can be observed in several scenes. First, while the psychiatrist is paying a visit, Dora experiences an emotional breakdown because she believes that Alan is a symbol of love but she cannot see him in this way now. In Act I, scene 7:
DORA: I told him the biological facts. But I also told him what I believed.
That sex is not just a biological matter, but spiritual as well. That if God willed, he would fall in love one day. That his task was to prepare himself for the most important happening of his life. And after that, if he was lucky, he might come to know a higher love still …I simply…don't
understand…Alan!...
[She breaks down in sobs.]
Her husband gets up and goes to her.]
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FRANK [embarrassed]: There now. There now, Dora. Come on!
DORA [with sudden desperation]: All right—laugh! Laugh, as usual!
FRANK [kindly]: No one’s laughing, Dora.
[She glares at him. He puts his arms round her shoulders.]
No one’s laughing, are they Doctor? (Equus 35)
Although Dora knows the “biological truth” about sexuality, her repeated usage of “if”
and “might” in explaining this issue to her son indicates that she is not sure that these spiritual teachings she believes in will be fulfilled someday. According to Dora, Alan should have been the beautiful result of “the most important happening,” namely the marriage with her husband, but she cannot see it in this way at the moment because of Alan’s current situation. In such a hard time her faith appears vulnerable. Her shaken faith is manifested in her hysterical illusion that people are mocking at her.
Second, Dora perceives that the psychiatrist has been judging her as an unqualified mother by collective social values while she herself has been fulfilling her maternal role by practicing these values in the family. When she visits her son in the hospital, she becomes emotional again as Alan looks back at her with an unfriendly “stare” (Equus 77).
She then “slaps” Alan, an action that draws Martin Dysart’ attention. Dora and Dysart argue over Alan in Act II, scene 23:
DYSART: I must ask you never to come here again.
DORA: Do you think I want to? Do you think I want to?
[…]
DYSART: […] He’s at a most delicate stage of treatment. He’s totally exposed. Ashamed. Everything you can imagine!
DORA [exploding]: And me? What about me? ...What do you think I am? ...
I’m a parent, of course—so it doesn’t count. That’s a dirty word in here,
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isn’t it, ‘parent’?
DYSART: You know that’s not true.
DORA: Oh, I know. I know, all right! I’ve heard it all my life. It’s our fault.
Whatever happens: we did it. Alan’s just a little victim. He’s really done nothing at all! [Savagely.] What do you have to do in this world to get any sympathy—blind animals?
DYSART: Sit down, Mrs. Strang.
DORA [ignoring him: more and more urgently]: Look, Doctor: you don’t have to live with this. Alan is one patient to you: one out of many. He’s my son. I lie awake every night thinking about it. Frank lies there beside me. I can hear him. Neither of us sleep all night. You come to us and say, who forbids television? Who does what behind whose back?—as if we’re criminals. Let me tell you something. We’re not criminal. We’ve done nothing wrong. We loved Alan. We gave him the best love we could.
(Equus 78)
The feeling of being an unqualified mother haunts Dora, but she denies this feeling. Dora is upset about the fact that society always sees children’s trouble as their parents’ fault.
However, since she has been following society’s standard to play the role of a good mother, she cannot figure out why Alan would have committed the crime of blinding animals. Obviously, she believes in the notion that parents influence children, but she denies her influence on Alan now only because she does not want to confront her inner voice saying that she is an unqualified mother. In other words, Dora has internalized this social values yet remains unaware of the effect. Perceiving Dysart’s previous visit and even simply the presence of him as an attack on her own value of existence as the maternal figure helps her avoid censoring herself. Similar to Frank’s situation, a
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discrepancy between Dora’s beliefs and actions in fulfilling her maternal roles exists.
Third, Dora appears to be convinced of the good she and Frank have done for their son yet criticizes the way Frank did it.
Dora: […] My husband is a good man. He’s an upright man, religion or no religion. He cares for his home, for the world, and for his boy. Alan had love and care and treats, and as much fun as any boy in the world. I know about loveless homes: I was a teacher. Our home wasn’t loveless. I know about privacy too—not invading a child’s privacy. All right, Frank may be at fault here—he digs into him too much – but nothing in excess. He’s not a bully … [Gravely.] (Equus 78)
Undoubtedly, Dora loves her son very much, but she has been influenced by the social values her roles as a teacher, a mother and a wife traditionally represent. She grabs her own definition about “love” tightly by claiming she and Frank, as parents, have loved Alan in the best way. Yet in the second half of this conversation she starts to criticize Frank. Her changing attitude makes all what she has said become like a big excuse. Dora, in fact, cannot convince herself of the ideals she adores. Whether her marriage with Frank is spiritually fruitful is therefore questionable, because they tend to complain about each other instead of discuss and solve issues together. Her efforts to maintain her image as a caring mother and a loveing wife end in vain, because she has avoided to recognize her own inner voice.
Dora Strang’s inner conflict is further displayed when she claims that she has been playing her maternal role in the family by society’s standards but refuses to admit her influence of doing so on her son. After she finishes pleading for Dysart’s fair judgment, Dora continues to defend for herself:
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Dora: […] Whatever’s happened has happened because of Alan. Alan is himself. Every Soul is itself. If you added up everything we ever did to him, from his first day on earth to this, you wouldn’t find why he did this terrible thing—because that’s him; not just all of our things added up. Do you understand what I’m saying? I want you to understand, because I lie awake and awake thinking it out, and I want you to know that I deny it absolutely what he’s doing now, staring at me, attacking me for what he’s done, for what he is! [Pause: calmer.] You’ve got your words, and I‘ve got mine. You call it a complex, I suppose. But if you knew God, Doctor, You would know about the Devil. You’d know that Devil isn’t made by what Mummy says and daddy says. The Devil’s there. It’s an old-fashioned word, but a true thing […] I only know he was my little Alan, and then the Devil came. (Equus 78)
Dora shows her strong religious fervor and her trust in moral distinction, the values she has acquired from social communities, such as schools or churches. Except citing the experience from her background as a teacher, she also resorts to religious terminology in order to exonerate her own sense of guilt. She argues that Alan’s violence has been triggered by his inner “[d]evil.”
By far, as I have shown, Dora loves her son very much but she cannot see her self-contradiction: she also agrees that what she has done for Alan were not all
appropriate. If we apply Rollo May’s concept of anxiety, Dora can be said to have shown two damaged dimensions of her existential totality, namely the spiritual connection with her family and with herself. As a mother, a wife, and a teacher, the values these roles represent, namely maternal warmth and virtues, have influenced Dora significantly, but she does not realize that she is facing an existential dilemma just like Frank Strang.
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