Champion Lee Sarotta Good Hope School
Theme: Money and Power The Wolf
In the dead of the night
Distant growling sounds are heard
The gold moon hanging above shines bright
Down there shadows fumble, their movements unheard They are all thin, old, gray and wiry
With eyes flashing bolting mad yet weary Glaring at the piece of gold ravenously The leader gives a long, loud cry And the pack howls their eerie lullaby
The howl echoes, splits the dead night, the sky shudders The gold moon flashes, drops onto the ground, it shatters Gold pieces scatter
The pack snarls and rushes Towards the broken moon Here comes a whimper, a gnaw A long whine a snarl
Soon the land is all in ruins
The moonlight fades the roaring dies The lone leader stands
Surrounding him are the bodies which groaned The lust for power, the lust for pride
Corrupts, ravages, devastates the night The leader lets out one last lungful cry Yet no one is able to react, nor reply Not even the pieces of moon
All that remains is golden dust and a land fully ruined
Adjudicators’ comments
Great metaphor throughout. Some excellent images. Harrowing.
The symbolism in this piece is excellent, and the sound quality and rhythmic cadences are consistently applied. The ideas and images presented here are evocative
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and well thought out, while the end-rhyme is used judiciously and not overly forced.
Overall, the narrative is paced evenly throughout, and the effect created is indeed a powerful one.
Hong Kong Budding Poets (English) Award 2015/16 47
First Runner-up Lam Kae Ning Ashley
St Paul’s Co-educational College Theme: Nostalgia
A Poem to Remember
I asked the stairs if it remembered me, It replied with the winter air
that swiftly soared past the trees, Yet on my cheek I feel its heat.
I remember you, my dear, dear stairs.
I said.
How could I forget.
Hands of flesh and hands of wood.
Intertwined. Eternity.
How could I ever Forget.
I asked the trees if it remembered me, It replied with its usual flair
lines of light blocked by branches. On the wall, danced like Fred Astaire.
I remember you, my dear, dear trees.
I said.
How could I forget.
In spring bare branches budding leaves.
Intertwined. Eternity.
How could I ever Forget.
I asked the walls if it remembered me, It replied with its empty stare
the blankest, toughest stare I know, and I stared back at the winter snow.
I remember you, My dear, dear wall.
I said.
How could I forget.
Peppers of mold and blanche.
Intertwined. Eternity.
How could I ever Forget.
I asked the girl if she remembered me, She replied with the words in my head.
I do not remember you.
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She said.
How could you forget,
The past and present, never Intertwined.
How could I ever forget?
“You forgot to see, you forgot to believe, you forgot to chase the sunset.
That is how you ever, Forget.”
Adjudicators’ comments
A very challenging and intricate poem with clever use of formatting, particularly with the italics and font size changes. There are some incredibly subtle shifts in meaning in this piece, and the play on forgetting vs remembering is very intriguing and powerfully rendered. The overall construction of lines in the individual stanzas is taut and well-managed, with strong alliterative patterns here and there. The tone is at times ethereal, urgent but also endearing, and the transcendent nature of the poem helps to offset the choice of concrete imagery, which can appear puzzling and arbitrary at first.
Smart. Good repetition. Saddening to feel and see the loved one fading as they are being memorialized. The awkward construction of the close—‘That is how you ever, Forget’—compels readers to insert that missing N, to in fact Never, never ever, Forget.
Hong Kong Budding Poets (English) Award 2015/16 49
Second Runner-up Lee Ching Tung Cheryl Pui Ching Middle School Theme: Nostalgia
Two Packages
Two packages sat on my doorsteps this morning Suddenly there, without a warning.
The first one was wrapped in old duct tape Its edges peeling, falling off
I found a wallet, letters from banks A fountain pen and a leather briefcase
A pair of frowning eyebrows and a poker face
The words on blinding screens, the ache behind eyes The lifeless trials and errors, errors and trials
The streak of cowardice The faint hint of greed
Numbness, distractions, oblivion Bitter burdens
Heavy as a pound of guilt
The second one was wrapped in bandages Its bruises seeping through like blood I found three crayons, a detailed house
A red balloon and dripping Mickey Mouse ice-cream A released kite and a forgotten dream
The burst of bubbles, the joy on swings The sweet scent of daisies in springs The sand lost between fingers The one nightmare that lingers Laughter, Innocence, Simplicity Past Years
Fleeting as those roller coaster rides
Just underneath the two packages I found a dandelion
A gust of wind and a blink of an eye And away the seeds and parachutes flew Away from my doorsteps
Away from me
Adjudicators’ comments
A strong poem with effective images. The items listed in the ‘two packages’ are creative and poignant. The ‘dandelion’ is a lovely metaphor for the loss of one’s past.
A beautiful piece—magical almost. Exemplary word choices and images.
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Third Runner-up Chan Joanne
Diocesan Girls’ School Theme: Connectedness Hurry
“Hurry, hurry!” Mom yells at me, Noisy and pesky like a bee.
No rest, no break, no afternoon tea, Off I go, my bags with me.
After piano, comes ballet, Spin and turn nonstop all day.
On the ground my tiptoes lay,
Sore and stinging but what can I say?
In seconds I’m in my swimwear, Messed up a dive. I don’t care.
Look at the flying birds out there!
Why am I here? It’s not fair!
“Hurry, hurry!” She yells again, Urging me to catch the train.
When would she ever let me complain?
I can do nothing—not even explain.
Adjudicators’ comments
The poem powerfully captures the challenges of the modern teenager and the numerous expectations put upon them. The persona’s frustration is expressed through effective use of breathless rhythm and rhyme which helps convey the non-stop nature of her daily life.
The rhyme works excellently here; meaning is not only preserved, but reinforced through word choices. Playfully serious. A poignant, constructive comment on the encumbrances of youth culture in Hong Kong.
Hong Kong Budding Poets (English) Award 2015/16 51
Third Runner-up Li Ho Yeung
Sing Yin Secondary School Theme: Nostalgia
Dai Pai Dongs Remembered Swaggering across open space,
Food aroma attacks my sense of taste.
Sizzling sound resonates all around Like an orchestra played in town.
Brandishing the spatula there,
The chef throws the wok up into the air.
A spectrum of colours, splendid spice.
A shiny bead of sweat glistens in the rice.
Shuttling among seas of voracious diners, The waiters take their orders with power.
Scribbling down “O tea” with speed and calm, The order pad gets translucent in his palm.
Friends and families, young and old, Enjoying their precious time of gold, Packed closely on benches eating, Chattering about everything.
It is a Dai Pai Dong, It is real Hong Kong.
Have a big bowl of noodles.
Have a sip of iced milk tea.
And chat with people round No worries about the fee.
The crammed environment, The warm wooden benches, The familiar faces...
All these are warm caresses.
With rents soaring sky-high, Only can I sigh
For they are fading from my sight, Losing the fight
Against fast food chains.
Many have lost Forever lost...
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Adjudicators’ comments
A deeply felt poem with a strong sense of place. The writing is playful and evocative—one can almost taste and smell the myriad of food offered at the Dai Pai Dong. Lines such as ‘The order pad gets translucent in his palm’ stand out and show the work of an imaginative and mature poet in the making.
Great image. Great lament. A paean for, an obituary to, Dai Pai Dongs, which are representative earmarks of local Hong Kong culture that are under serious threat by so-called modernization.
Hong Kong Budding Poets (English) Award 2015/16 53
Merit Lau Nicole
St Paul’s Secondary School Theme: Exploring Hong Kong At Rest
I walk up to the upper deck
Wind rushes in and messes my hair Huff huff
The sweet scent of sage just makes my day
This is a damp, misty morning
Everything is sheltered in its dawning With a hint of yellow
And a flash of freshness
The neon signs stop flickering Streets lie there plain and distinct
It is only the traffic lights playing the beats Which echo round the stillness of all; and The alternate between red and green
That softly dazzles and dominates the screen
Brum-brum, brum-brum The tram skids to a stop This is where I get off
At the veins of heart of Hong Kong
The gates of Sogo are shut
Elevators in Hysan Place remain lifeless
Deemed vibrancy lacks, yet a sense of calmness intrudes This is our metropolis—resting
Adjudicators’ comments
This poem’s imagery is really wonderful, and so is its imaginative response to the theme. Sometimes its mastery of language conventions is inadequate (‘deemed vibrancy lacks’) but the fresh descriptions, clear details and restrained tone together make for a wonderful poem, one of the best here.
Excellent observations, clear details, subtle rhythms and an aversion to abstractions.
A beautiful description of an early morning tram ride before the city is entirely awake. The use of small details helps situate the reader within the geography of Hong Kong.
Very mature construction, with a great sense of presence and lovely pacing throughout. The imagery is vivid at all times, and the tension between motion and
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stillness adds another element to the reading. The ending of the poem is especially lovely, as it complements the general “feel” of the city at this time.
Hong Kong Budding Poets (English) Award 2015/16 55
Merit
Li Ho Yeung
Sing Yin Secondary School Theme: Culture
A Global Culture
Some dine in with friends and families, No more
Ch atting...
No more
Gr eeting...
No longer
Focus on eating...
No longer
Look at each other...
Their eyes are glued to i- Phones…
Some order take-away, Disposable tableware
Thrown
away
Coke cans
Thrown away Food leftovers
Thrown away Foam lunchboxes
Thrown away Plastic bags
Thrown away Why hasn’t this throwaway culture been
Thrown away?
Adjudicators’ comments
A relatively simple poetic construction, but with very innovative use of form which complements the poem’s tone. The overall message is very tight and relevant, with only a few minor grammatical errors regarding tense usage. The title seems a little sketchy and vague however, and the two sections presented—one on the loss of human interaction, the other on our throwaway culture—could have been connected better.
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Almost necessarily didactic. A morality tale we’ll learn too late. Excellent use of form. The rhetorical questions turn the piece into a dialogue, one that is cynical. But also true.
Hong Kong Budding Poets (English) Award 2015/16 57
Merit
Tsui Hoi Lam
Carmel Divine Grace Foundation Secondary School Theme: Connectedness
Rain in the Town
Walls of the terraced cottage ablaze in summer Tulips aside blush peach pink color
Blue jays are whistling a candy-sweet tune Cats are lying lazily at noon
The trickling river parts the town into two The carved wooden arc bridges us through
Living in this town, what joy, for me, at least every day is a peaceful feast!
Tap, tap—my footsteps out of the door Outside, raindrops start to dance then pour!
Ting-a-ling, light as feather
Splash and splutter, heavy as anchor
Umbrellas fling open in a colorful rainbow A contrasting yet harmonious fireworks show!
Rain shed off, spreading numerous ripples One tiny drop, inducing circles
I leave a shaded space for an uncovered stranger One by one, people find their own shelter
Under purposely-abandoned umbrellas, cats cluster Leaves are propped for the birds in the drizzly weather
People are closely packed, umbrellas are intimate Under the same roof, we meet and we wait We are united, protected from the cascading rain No one is left out, or soaked in sorrow and pain
Rain keeps showering restlessly
Bouncing on the river, fulfilled and free River to river, hand in hand
Blend into the faraway ocean, gorgeous and grand
We are the big wide gigantic sea Bound together by a force like gravity Lives overlap between you and me We are a whole, a community!
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Once there was a boat, lost in the sea Drifted through this river, accidentally Wanting to escape, unnoticedly
But people embraced, greeted, welcomed with glee A shore settled the misplaced heart, and that was me!
Adjudicators’ comments
This energetic poem describes a number of moments with effective simplicity and directness. The concluding stanzas have offered a nice message about empathy and community.
Some great images. There is an overemphasis on rhyme, which distorts some of the strong intended meanings. Remove double prepositions. It’s a relief that the poet does not let form restrict them; there is a necessary, and welcome, freedom in the varied stanza lengths, one that adds tension to the rhyme. A good message about connection and community.
Hong Kong Budding Poets (English) Award 2015/16 59
Merit
Wat Monica
Holy Family Canossian College Theme: Money and Power Plutocrat
One,
Two, three—
coins pile upon coins.
They form a mountain, Akin to a golden Everest.
If you ever try to scrutinize From there where the village lies, You will spot my solitary silhouette, Sitting still on the hill, sealing a deal.
Well I don't mind telling you one more thing—
I am, indeed, on the throne of this tranquil town.
All around me the fortune, fist, and fame I accumulate.
Nevertheless, shamefully, I grasp and grip, I rack my mind, Never ever is there someone who is willing to stand by my side.
When darkness, my only companion, icily sympathizes with me at night, For I am too high up, the frosty breezes attack me with all their might.
The wealth can never be my armor; neither can the power be my shield, So I shut my eyes as I shake and shiver; as vehemently as I can manage.
In the end of the world,
After my very last straw,
In the sound of silence, the
free fall
will lead me to what I’ve been longing for—
the solid ground, The sound of music,
The simplicity of life.
Adjudicators’ comments
This is a most interesting pattern poem, which sometimes rises to a mystical, vatic tone. The rhymes at the beginning are somewhat twee (probably because they are rather close together). Clichés such as the ‘last straw’ should be avoided.
A brave attempt in submitting a concrete poem. I was looking for a stronger ending in the poem. The last few lines do not quite give me a feeling of things falling apart.
Smart. But can one escape corruption after embracing it? Voice appears conflicted, which is good. Is life made simple by embracing capitalism? Or is this irony? Good, rhetorical open-ending.
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Merit Wong Kylie
St Mary’s Canossian College Theme: Nostalgia
The Gone Home
The merciless sun eats the essence of the river away, destroying the home of the tiny trout in a heartless way.
The fierce wind brings the trout to his way, to the place where all the happiness and security are only pieces of memories to be blown away.
The once shimmering golden carpet rolled out by the farmers has turned to grey concrete roads.
The warm welcoming beats of the folk songs
are covered by the hounds of cars and the remorse complaints of the workers.
Together they create a repulsive symphony
that sends chill and grief to the trout under the foggy mask.
Glittering his home was,
he was once a carefree trout swimming in the crystal-clear river and it is the only home he has.
Until the black liquor flows along his face, he knew the river threw a tantrum in dismay, choking everyone in its way
to break his heart as the people may.
Gone are the days of the home where he lived.
Filthy mud is in exchange.
Months has he swum to get back “home”
To convince himself nothing has changed.
Darkness falls and brings the sorrow back.
The nostalgia he gets breaks his heart to pieces One more final breath,
his soul floats away with the home that no longer exists.
Adjudicators’ comments
Excellent theme and images with erudite use of metaphor throughout. Good narrative quality, though the poet should try to limit the rhyme.
This well-written poem contains a strong environmental message. It expresses, in a sympathetic and effective way, the predicament of the trout, whose ‘home’ is destroyed due to development.
Hong Kong Budding Poets (English) Award 2015/16 61
Merit
Yu Charmaine Kate
Maryknoll Convent School (Secondary Section) Theme: Exploring Hong Kong
The Route of Life I board an old tram
and fortunately, it’s not much of a cram.
With a mild shriek of the gate It takes off with no time to wait.
The whirring sound of engine
And occasional ding when arriving at the station reminds me of a stillness
within the city’s rushes and races.
Intervening grey strips of concrete ahead Is a story waiting to be read.
Frail, exhausted buildings aligned on each side Wave their glowing neon hands they tried.
Attracting attention to shops from far—
I see a Chinese dispensary with an herbal jar
And food stalls along the road, giving a lovely aroma while the cloud of steam swarms the area.
By the curb, an aged lady starts
To flatten cardboard boxes on her pushcarts.
As we rumble on, the sky grows darker City lights are brighter.
Buildings reaching the night sky.
Flagship stores with a luxurious aura neither can deny Like nobles sitting proudly at their thrones each night Bringing me under the limelight.
Men in suits hurrying with a phone Where they mindlessly drone
Their sounds engulfed by the orchestra of traffic Like an never-ending timeless classic.
Ding-ding
The tram stopped in a mild swing.
I've reached my stop. Then walked away Into the busy crowd, doing a replay—
Thinking about the city's authentic hue between the old and the new.
Adjudicators’ comments
Stanza two is smart and strong. The rhyme, at times, however, is overbearing. A sophisticated and at times critical description of a trip on Hong Kong’s tram. The
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elements of old and new in the city are effectively brought out and the poet’s use of rhythm and rhyme is particularly strong. A very strong effort.
Hong Kong Budding Poets (English) Award 2015/16 63
Commendation
Berago April Mae Mendoza HKMA David Li Kwok Po College Theme: Money and Power
The Seed
Neutral, gay, naive;
That’s how we all start Inequality, despair, avarice;
That’s how we fall apart.
A blinding arrow causes the thirst to fill one’s purse.
What was once seen a gift, is in fact just a curse.
When misused and abused, the seed of need and greed implants a deceptive thought:
“More and you will be freed”
Why must I obey and follow?
Just because one decreed?
Why must things be this way?
“More, then you will lead”
Even if it eats you whole, even if you fall and bleed, its call is unavoidable:
“More will help you succeed”
Not knowing the result, for it can be so diverse.
What was thought to turn good, in the end, turned to be worse.
All would be lost as
the mind would rule the heart when the drug chants its spell,
the parasite will never part.
Adjudicators’ comments
The poet has a very strong sense of rhythm and rhyme, which helps convey the message about inequality and the corrupting nature of money. The use of different techniques, such as questions, is effective.