Smartphone-mediated communication and transnational mothering

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different impacts between the two ties. The following section presents the influence of smartphone use on transnational mothering and distant marriage.

4.3.1. Smartphone-mediated communication and transnational mothering

Smartphone was an indispensable item for all the respondents as it facilitated their dedicated parenting embedded in frequent communication and supply of emotional support while being geographically separated from their children. Moreover, all of the respondents reported smartphones as their most treasured possession. As Ratna, 43, from Madiun, East Java, eloquently put it:

“Without a smartphone, it’d feel like the world is closing down on me. Like I’m being left out in the dark while my family goes on without me. Without a smartphone, how would my daughter tell me when she is sad? She is a teenager now, what if she needs to go out with her friends but my old-fashioned mom wouldn’t let her? In this kind of situation, she would call me to ask for my permission instead. It’s time like this, when my daughter calls me for little things, that makes me feel… well, I’m still her mother.”

The interview data showed that the respondents gratefully welcomed smartphones in their daily lives and highlighted several ways in which the device had transformed their parenting activities.

Since the cost of the conversations as no longer dictated by the duration of calls or the character count, migrant helpers were able to discuss a dramatically wider range of topics with their children. Wati, 42, from Kalimantan, said she had a lot of free time during the day so she calls her daughter to ward off boredom while she accompanied her employer to take an afternoon stroll in the park. She explained:

“We can sit there for hours so I get bored. That’s when I would call my daughter and talk about everything. Sometimes we even gossip about our neighbors.”

Santi, 40, from Riau, shared a similar story where she would call her sons only to ask what they had for lunch or whether they had fed their pets. She affirmed:

“… I mean, it’s like I’m there with them.”

By using smartphones and mobile internet, migrant helpers were able to partially reestablish their presence in their children’s development beyond the manner of phatic communication. As

mothers, the respondents described these conversations as frivolous yet they serve as a reminder of their involvement in their children’s lives which reduces their ambivalence about their

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decision to migrate. Additionally, 18 respondents said that the most common topic their children bring up during the calls was presents and gifts they wish for special occasions such as

graduations, birthdays and Ramadhan. This echoes the findings from the work of Fresnoza-Flot (2009) among Filipino domestic workers in France who often resort to gift-sending to make up for their physical absence. From the respondents’ narratives, we can see that the role of

smartphone is shown to remain dominant in transnational parenting. Even when taking into consideration other forms of caring from a distance, such as gift-sending and remittances,

smartphone serves as the bridge that allows the children to express their wishes and requests, and at the same time allow the mothers to deal with their guilt stemmed from their departure by promising the fulfillment of these wishes and an overall brighter future for the whole family.

Smartphone access among the caregivers of Indonesian domestic workers’ children Similar to the cases of Filipino migrant workers, Indonesian migrant helpers in this study did not generally delegate the caring responsibilities of children onto the hands of their husbands.

Instead, the children were commonly cared for by female relatives such as mothers or mothers in law. These female relatives were often financially supported by migrant helpers forming a global care chains that implied women from Indonesia worked abroad as care givers and in turn used their salary to employ or support other people to care for their children. As a result, the

communication between migrant helpers and their children was generally not dependent on the husband’s availability. There seemed to be a relationship between the age of the children and the process of communication. For the respondents’ children below the age of 15 (n= 13), their access to a smartphone was limited, therefore, their connection with their mothers was mediated by their primary adult caregivers which were their grandmothers or aunts. In contrast, for the respondents’ children who had adopted a smartphone (n=7), the parenting practices via smartphones were performed directly without the mediatory presence of other individuals.

Virtual co-presence: online familial space

Smartphone also enhances the intensity of transnational parenting by generating the perception of co-presence in online environment. In the past, with traditional mobile phones, the desire for family warmth and affection during migration were only assuaged through voice calls and short messages with limited characters. Similarly, the expressions of love and care were transmitted

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mostly by these two means. However, with the advent of smartphones, the respondents were able to manipulate various internet-based applications for instant communication that supported a wider selection of modes to convey their feelings and emotions, whether on private space such as video calls, voice notes and photos sharing, or public space such as social media. Thus they were able to reconstitute their presence within the family to an extend that was previously impossible.

Facebook was a particularly substantial tool for the respondents taking parts in this research.

Among other social media platforms, only Facebook was utilized by the respondents to interact in some ways with their children. This interaction took form in tagging each other on posts, and exchanging comments and likes.

Facebook serves as a complementary yet crucial channel to parent at a distance. It supplements the benefits of other more well-documented means of transnational parenting, namely voice calls and text messages. The respondents experienced a unique intimacy with their children when using Facebook because they were able to receive real-time updates on their children’s

whereabouts and social network, ones that the children might conceal when directly confronted via direct communication such as voice calls or text messages. In a sense, the use of Facebook on mobile device allowed them to partially regain control over their children’s activities by giving them the feelings of proximity.

The benefits of using Facebook, however, was influenced by the age of the children. For 13 respondents whose children fell under the minimum age of Facebook users (13 years old), the impact of Facebook on parenting was insignificant. In contrast, the respondents whose children were also Facebook users were able to keep up with their children’s activities, social groups and personal well-being. Seven respondents in this group subscribed to their children’s Facebook page, which means they would get a notification on their children’s online activities. Although Facebook allowed the mothers to surveil and observe their children from a far, seven respondents said that they avoided talking directly with their children on the page as it was, after all, a virtual public space which is improper to host conventional parents-children interaction. To understand the typical nature of Facebook’s role in parenting among migrant helpers, Ratna and Valentina’s stories can be appropriate examples. They explained:

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“My daughter is a teenager now. She likes to hang out with her friends. Whenever she asks for my permission, I will ask her to introduce her friends to me on Facebook. So I actually have more of my daughter’s friends on my Facebook than my own.” - Ratna

“I saw my son posted a picture of him leaning on a motorbike that I didn’t recognize, so I sent him a message asking whose it was and where he was going… sometimes when he posted a sad or gloomy “status,” I will call him to see if he is okay.” - Valentina

Another respondent, Sandy, a 40-year-old mother of one from East Java always “liked” her son’s photos on Facebook. On one occasion, her son posted a selfie in the classroom. Sandy “liked”

the photo and left a message saying how good looking her son was. Her son then replied

followed by several other people who appeared to be relatives, all exchanging comments loaded with encouraging messages and compliments. The post soon became a miniature of family gathering on the digital platform.

Facebook has generated an additional layer of connectivity that intensifies the companionship between mothers and their children by affording them the sense of closeness. With their Facebook page also being accessible to other members of their social circle, migrant domestic workers have the opportunities to supply emotional support to their children and at the same time, showcase their mother-children affection.