譯文檢討與改進

筆者利用寫本篇論文的機會，仔細比對本書最後出版的譯文和筆者的 譯文，發現哈佛人出版社的編輯所修改之處，基本上都幫筆者把譯文修改 得更通順、更符合中文語言習慣，該出版社的編輯中英文俱佳，實在很難 得。筆者在比較過最後的版本後，也向哈佛人出版社提出幾點改進的地 方，雖然離《我的心動》成書已好一段時間，但筆者希望出版社能感受到 筆者負責的態度，未來本書若要再版，出版社可以加以修正。

首先，筆者在譯文裡，不論是指稱的是男性或女性，所有的 “you” 都 譯成「你」，但出版社卻在指女性時改成「妳」，筆者認為特別表示女性的

「妳」實在沒有必要，因為在閱讀時讀者會知道代名詞「你」是指何人，

不像「他」容易混淆，將「他」和「她」區分出來，的確可以幫助讀者理 解；區分「你」和「妳」，恐有畫蛇添足之虞，徒增編輯的負擔，但是編 輯表示，區分「你」和「妳」是哈佛人出版社的校稿習慣，他們也只是遵 守罷了。

第二，筆者發現本書中有一個段落少了一個句點，這個可能是在排版 時發生的遺漏。

「我要你們別煩我。」他說 （頁 107 第七行）

應修正為：「我要你們別煩我。」他說。

第三，僅管編輯的中英文造詣都很高，筆者還是發現兩個校對後導致 的錯誤，很可惜本來筆者譯對，可是卻被出版社以為誤譯，其中第一個可 能比較無傷大雅，書中提到兩位男主角私立學校的制服，在頁20：

（原文）They wear khaki pants, a dress shirt, a tie, and a gray blazer with

a Cedar Hill badge sewn on the front. (p. 21)

（筆者的譯文）他們穿卡其褲、襯衫、領帶和繡著校徽的灰色獵裝。

（出版社的修改）他們穿卡其褲、襯衫、領帶和繡著校徽的灰色運動外套。

英文 blazer 為休閒式的西裝外套，俗稱獵裝，想必大家在電影中都看

過國外私立學校的制服，男學生的制服是整整齊齊的長褲和輕便的西裝外 套，可是坊間的漢英字典都把blazer 翻譯成「運動外套」，Dr. eye 軟體字 典裡也是以訛傳訛誤譯成「運動外套」，所以編輯校對時很自然地把「獵 裝」改成「運動外套」。筆者在告知出版社這項錯誤時，特地上美國知名 服飾廠牌Gap 的網站，搜尋男裝類的 “blazer”，把搜尋到的圖片資料存檔 一併傳給編輯，證明blazer 絕對不是「運動外套」，而是休閒式的西裝外套，

也就是所謂的獵裝。

另一個校對錯誤就相當嚴重了，女主角在學校話劇裡的一句台詞為路 加福音第一章三十節 (Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favor with God.)，

筆者原來依照中文和合本聖經譯法：「馬利亞，不要怕！你在神面前已經蒙恩了。」

可能是出版社內沒有基督教教徒，所以編輯校對時竟然把聖經中的馬利亞 改成一般的人名譯法「瑪麗亞」（頁114）。

本書出版雖經編輯群再三校正，但難免百密一疏，即便已成書，筆者 還是力求最佳的譯文品質，告知出版社需修正之處，如此筆者才能建立起 自己的聲譽，將來還有機會獲得更多翻譯的機會。

第六章 結論與心得

台灣的國高中學生升學壓力大，這個年齡層的青少年也常常面臨感情 的困惱，可是往往處理感情問題時不夠成熟，作者傅萊曼威爾在這本小說 裡詳細捕捉到青少年成長和對性的好奇，針對棘手的社會問題她卻以很坦 白也很高明的手法帶過，這本書不僅適合給同性或異性戀的青少年觀看，

也很適合給父母閱讀。本書探討的問題包括，父母關愛小孩的方式、朋友 之間的關懷和愛情與性之間的關係。本書還有幸入選台北市立圖書館「好 書大家讀」¹¹的翻譯類小說，筆者衷心希望譯文可以發揮原文的功能，達 到潛在的社會效益。

藉著翻譯本書的機會，筆者運用了課堂上所學的翻譯技巧和理論。透 過這次的論文寫作，記錄了筆者翻譯本書的實務過程，其中筆者與編輯關 於譯文之間的討論，都是難得的實務經驗，唯一遺憾的是，出版社沒有在 成書之前，讓筆者再檢視最終校定的譯文，因此產生了幾個原可避免的錯 誤。在譯完《我的心動》之後，筆者還利用課餘之時，到哈佛人出版社實 習，並接譯了另四本青少年小說。筆者觀察到，除了瞭解原文語言，翻譯 工作者也比一般人認識原文的文化，除了翻譯工作外，還能提供出版社（客

11 台北市立圖書館第 53 梯次好書大家讀入選圖書

http://intra.tpml.edu.tw/gb/2008053A/menu.htm (2008/11/26 上網擷取)

戶）許多意見，例如幫助編輯選書、封面排版和回覆讀者詢問，所以翻譯 工作者不應該只是單槍匹馬，埋頭苦幹地翻譯，應該與客戶密切合作，利 用客戶既有的資源，把翻譯工作者的專業效益發揮到最大。

《我的心動》一書並無特別艱深難懂的句型詞彙，可是牽涉到許多美 國青少年流行文化和校園生活，這些對台灣的讀者都是相當陌生的，因 此，筆者認為應該用注釋的方式，幫助讀者理解，才能達到翻譯真正的功 效。如筆者翻譯本書中，有一段談到西達高中九年級新生的暑期指定讀 物，對許多台灣的讀者而言，想必會不懂美國學制的算法，因此，筆者加 上注解，說明九年級約當台灣的國中三年級，但在美國有些城市的學制是 屬於高中一年級，因為他們的高中需念四年，所以九年級才會算是新生。

筆者在譯書過程中，瞭解到更多美國的流行文化、歷史人物和多采多 姿的校園生活，其實翻譯並不是索然無趣的文字工作，在翻譯的過程中，

筆者學到許多新的事物，這也是為什麼筆者很喜愛翻譯工作，並期許自己 不斷學習，未來能翻譯各式不同類型的文章，藉由譯文達到文化交流，發 揮所學，貢獻社會。

附錄一 My Heartbeat 原著讀者書評

1.

A Great Big Wow, November 28, 2005 By Library Gaga

I come down on the side of squeamish when a story veers into fourteen-year-old girls having sex. Many fourteen-year-old girls, of course, will think it's nifty that an author can limn exactly what's going on in their minds: the confusion, divided loyalties, the extreme hotness of a sixteen-year-old Johnny Depp look-alike with his melting brown eyes and square jaw who is gay but could be persuaded (is it hot in here or is it just me?)

The trouble with this wonderfully perceptive book is that it's possibly over the heads of its intended audience. The public library labeled it JF, but I think it's YA or even adult. Not because of the subject matter (the girl in question senses her brother and his best friend are gay) but because the dialogue and observations attain a level of sophistication difficult for the young to fully grasp. Conversations between parents and children reach new heights in hidden meanings, double entendres, and acute self-knowledge, even though the brother is described as not knowing what he is or what he wants (he's gay, but is unwilling to own it).

It could be that elite Manhattan parents leave their young teenagers to fend for themselves with pockets full of twenties and lax curfews. I found the freedom of these characters easy to swallow - if they were twenty instead of the high school freshmen and juniors they were. And these were parents who supposedly cared very much about their children.

Regardless of these reservations, My Heartbeat is a realistic, excellently written, engaging story with living characters. The inner workings of Ellen's mind are right on. The description of Link and James' relationship fits friendships one has observed in life. Especially enjoyable were the discussions about literature and foreign films, and about finding one's own voice. Come to think of it, I would have loved this book had I read it at fourteen. But I was an unusual child.

2.

Must read, November 18, 2005 By B Monzon

This is a story about James, Link, and Ellen. Are Link and James a couple? This is the question that makes Ellen take a look at all she knows about her brother and James.

It is also the question that changes her life and the lives of Link and James.

Engaging story about growing up and learning to see others.

Christy Carlson Romano narrates the audio version of the book and does an excellent job. Her voice fits as the voice of Ellen and it made it a little easier to picture Ellen in my mind while listneing to the story.

The flow of the story is steady and it draws you in. I can picture each scene in my mind as I listened to the story unfold and I could picture the expressions of each of the characters. An excellent book for all ages. The characters aren't just stereotypes of their personalities, they each stood out as individuals who had to deal with real issues of life. The story deals with sexuality, social pressures, and family pressures.

I was sorry when I reached the end of the story, but I like how it didn't end with a happily ever after.

3.

Genius, September 29, 2005 By Sarah Hafner

As usual, Garrett Freymann-Weyr had me captivated. I was already a fan of Pretty Girls, so getting my hands on another book by this most talented author was sheer joy.

4.

It's was cool, September 11, 2005 By skatergirl "dark angel"

it was cool i liked it but there was 2 much about sex..

i liked ellen, but i didn't like james, he sounds like my parents, and he's only 17.

5.

Not what I expected, July 5, 2005

Even though this book was not what I had expected, I still enjoyed reading it. I took it out from my local library after I had read Garret Freymann-Weyr's WHEN I WAS OLDER. Like WHEN I WAS OLDER this book had characters that were memorable and real. I thought the sex scene was unecessary even though it didn't get as bad as it could've gotten. All in all I still would recommend this book.

6.

A must read!!!, May 18, 2005 By MAH

This book really shows the struggle of teenagers and relationships. Ellen, a teenage girl, was confused, torn between Link, her brother, and James, Link's best friend. It also shows the stress of getting perfect grades and going to college.

The book has a unique perspective on life, with Ellen's and the rest of the family's opinions shining through the text. They are an independent family struggling to hold their ideas and opinions together. I love how everything fits together oddly but perfect, like Link and James's relationship, how they can disagree on many topics but are as close as brothers.

This is a great young adult book because it addresses many issues we have today, like sexuality and relationships. Even though some of the content is objectionable, like premarital sex, alcohol, and swearing, it is the truth and it's what puts the icing on the cake for this book.

7.

A beautiful and believable slice of life, December 20, 2004 By NotPrettyEnough "NotPrettyEnough"

This book was about fourteen-year-old Ellen who has a crush on her older brother's best friend. When one of her classmates asks whether her brother and his best friend are "a couple," Ellen begins exploring the idea of what it means to be gay. The reviews about this novel say something about it being remarkable for refusing to 'pigeon-hole' any of its characters and that it's 'messy, just like real life,' and both those reviews are dead-on. All the characters in this novel were so unique and yet so universal, so real and so mysterious. I loved them all desperately. The author did a really good job of giving enough hints so that the reader could totally read between the lines, but she never spelled things out or let her narrator 'figure out' more than would be typical of a 14-year-old girl in her situation. The dialog in this book is amazing and actually made my heart hurt in several places because it was so real.

I didn't agree with a lot of the characters' actions, but I understood them. I also didn't like that the novel didn't take the direction I expected and that it had one of those mostly unresolved endings--but it was so lifelike that that somehow fit for it.

It was like a novel that was just a slice of a few months of these characters' lives that were incredibly defining for them--and it didn't need to have a plot except that you know the characters will never be the same after the events of the book are done.

I also think it's a great book for adolescents because of the way it deals with the issue of gayness--but not so great for adolescents because it involves some sexual choices that I disagree with--but great for them because it's very open and not at all preachy about these choices.

8.

"My Heartbeat", September 2, 2004 By Twenty-One

My Heatbeat tossed around a lot of issues. I will have to read it again but towards the end I really wasn't sure what was going on because Link implied a lot about his sexuality but I never did figure out whether he was gay or not. The dialouge was ok but the McConell's and James alike spoke differently than everyday people did and thus, made some parts a bit unbelievable. I liked the feel of the book and I enjoyed reading it.

9.

hmmmm., May 6, 2004 By A Customer

Okay, so I mostly liked the way the main character Ellen was written in this book. It was nice to follow her relationships with her brother Link, her dad, and her brother's

Okay, so I mostly liked the way the main character Ellen was written in this book. It was nice to follow her relationships with her brother Link, her dad, and her brother's