In this section we will analyze the character of Ruma’s father from
Unaccustomed Earth’s titular story, a first-generation South Asian man who defies the
stereotype and openly embraces American values. He counts as a valid example of multiple identities because of his concurrent identities as a South Asian male who has immigrated to America. His subjectivities include his first-generation status, his male gender, and his social roles as a husband, father, and grandfather. He alternates between his South Asian and American identities within the text, although his South Asian identity largely corresponds to his past self and his American identity with his present character.This protagonist is without a given name, which may be a practice used by Lahiri to emphasize the universality of his story, much like the example of the nameless protagonist in “The Third and Final Continent.” Rather than using Ruma’s father’s story as a general account for all first-generation men, however, I think Lahiri leaves him nameless to highlight the relative ease with which these men fit into American society as opposed to their wives. Women in India are more oppressed and given fewer options in terms of their roles in society. Men, on the other hand, are less limited in their choices. Ruma’s father’s resemblance to the Americans in both
physical and mental facets is Lahiri’s way of emphasizing the first-generation male’s liberty to exercise his freedom of choice. Also, leaving him nameless and only offering a physical description of his clothes and appearance renders him even less Indian-like, as Ruma notes: “With his gray hair and fair skin he could have been practically from anywhere” (UE 11).
After marrying and giving birth to a son, Ruma moves to Seattle, and her father has come to visit in their new home. After Ruma’s mother died of surgical
complications a year before the story begins, her father began travelling in Europe.
Rather than mourning the loss of his wife, he seems decidedly at peace: “this was his life now, the ability to do as he pleased, the responsibility of his life absent” (UE 8).
Losing his wife can therefore be likened to “freeing” himself of any ties with India (UE 7), something that does not happen regularly within the first generation.19 Liberated of his burdensome responsibilities as a father and husband, he begins to display American habits and ideals that would be unthinkable to the more
conventional members of the first generation (which finds an ideal personification within the story as Ruma’s deceased mother). Ruma, recalling how her father had behaved on past visits, only remembered him “claim[ing] an armchair in the living room, quietly combing through the Times, . . . behaving as if he were waiting for the time to pass,” the polar opposite of her “helpful” mother, “taking over the kitchen, singing songs to Akash and teaching him Bengali nursery rhymes, throwing loads of laundry into the machine” (UE 6). As illustrated above, taking care of children and
19 Rather, most first-generation South Asians are afraid of their children’s ties to India being severed after they (the first generation) die. The narrator in “The Third and Final Continent” reveals this fear when he speaks of his wife and he “driv[ing] to Cambridge to visit [their son], or bring him home for a weekend, so that he can eat rice with us with his hands, and speak in Bengali, things we sometimes worry he will no longer do after we die” (IM 197). Lahiri reveals in her piece “To Heaven Without Dying” that she authored this part into the story as a way of displacing her own anxiety of her fear of her parents’ death. She has not yet experienced the death of either of her parents and yet she knows that once they die they will take with them a part of her life that no-one else will be able to replace, because of their similar immigrant experiences.
various jobs around the house are typically designated as the concerns of women within South Asian households. However, the loss of his kinfolk brings about several changes in the father’s lifestyle and mentality. Losing his wife means that he has to pick up the chores his wife used to do, such as cooking, doing the laundry, or helping to take care of his grandson. He is forced to incorporate the feminine roles of mother and wife into his roles as father and husband. Ruma is surprised to find in this latest visit her father actively interacting with Akash and helping out with the chores around the house. This change in gender roles grants him the opportunity to finally connect with his daughter, whom “he’d felt condemned by, on his wife’s behalf” (UE 40). By engaging in activities usually reserved for women within South Asian households, Ruma’s father lessens the distance between his daughter and himself.
Another variation from tradition is her father badgering Ruma about whether she plans on returning to the workplace despite knowing that in addition to Akash she is pregnant with another baby. Traditional parents would have been “supportive and proud” of her decision to resign from her “fifty-hour [week]” “six [figure]” job at a New York law firm to become a full-time mother, as Ruma’s own mom would have been (UE 36). But Ruma’s father holds a more liberal stance on the subject,
encouraging her to seek reemployment so that she can be self-reliant: “Self-reliance is important, Ruma … Life is full of surprises. Today, you can depend on Adam, on Adam’s job. Tomorrow, who knows” (UE 38). He is endorsing the concept of
self-reliance that stems from the American concept of individuality, a notion that lies in direct contrast with the Indian belief that women should stay at home and be dependent on men to support the family. Within American society, children are usually expected to become independent as soon as they are capable, which means getting a job to support oneself economically and living outside of their parents’
house; self-reliance, then, becomes a factor in determining whether or not an
individual is considered successful by the general standard. In India and other Asian countries, however, children customarily live in the same house as their parents and rely on them economically until they marry, a practice particularly common with daughters. Daughters are not expected to take up jobs to support the family, are traditionally encouraged to stay in the house, to take care of the children and to cook and clean. Therefore, Ruma’s father, being a first-generation South Asian man, would most likely have been taught growing up that the role of married women should consist of taking care of her children, cooking, and tidying up the house. Thus, it comes as a surprise for Ruma that, instead of supporting her for quitting her job, her father is more concerned with her mental and financial stability (UE 38), elements essential for surviving soundly and on one’s own.
Yet another disparity is centered around a major issue that runs throughout the course of the story: Ruma’s dilemma of whether she should ask her father to come live with them in Seattle: “in India, there would have been no question of his not moving in with her,” but “[h]er father had never mentioned the possibility” (UE 6).
When she finally decides to offer the invitation to her father, however, he turns it down with the excuse that although his daughter needed him, “it was not what he wanted” (UE 53) and that “he enjoyed solitude” (UE 28). The choice to place his own personal desires over that of his daughter reflects a change in his identity as most Indian parents would have favored moving in with their children, since it is the generally accepted practice in India. Furthermore, amongst the roles he possesses, his role as a father should be the most prominent, since the family is the most important element in almost all of the first-generation males’ lives. This radical change most likely has roots in the death of his wife, who figures as the only permanent link he has left with India (his parents are deceased, relatives non-existent). Upon her death, Ruma’s father is simultaneously freed of any connection to India and, in the process,
cut free of the need to keep up appearances. Meaning, without any other native Bengalis around to judge him according to his behavior, he is free to do as he pleases, much like the more liberal Americans. He recalls that before his wife’s death, he was constantly striving to make his wife happy, always pressured to do things only his wife enjoyed or desired: the yearly trips to India, which “his wife had lived for,” were full of anxiety, sadness, and shame for him (UE 8); and he feels that “his wife had been overly demanding, unwilling to appreciate the life he’d worked hard to provide”
(UE 40).
Unlike when he still had to carry the burden of a family on his shoulders, he is now free to choose what he wants to do since he is freed of wedlock and his children have grown into independent entities. Continuing in this vein, he has met a Bengali woman, Mrs. Bagchi, on his trips to Europe, and he is hesitant to tell his daughter about his new acquaintance. Although the two initially bonded on account of being the only Bengalis within the tour group, feelings grew between them over time, and they have progressed to sharing a room on their trips abroad. He falls for Mrs. Bagchi because “she expected so little” (UE 9), which is the exact opposite of his wife, as we previously mentioned. Happy to be freed from marital burden, he appreciates Mrs.
Bagchi’s resolve to never re-marry or share her house with another man, “conditions which made the prospect more appealing” (UE 9); being with her will never weigh him down with any amount of responsibility. Ruma’s father is not, however, looking for a physical relationship, citing “the consequence of being married all those years, the habit of companionship” as the motive for his actions (UE 30). Nonetheless, it is a logical deduction to state that Ruma’s father is engaged in an emotional affair with Mrs. Bagchi, even though Lahiri never refers to their relationship as such. They only plan to meet on their trips abroad and out of their families’ sights. Upon returning home, they go back to their daily lives and routine, keeping contact through the
occasional e-mails or post cards mailed in secret.
Nevertheless, he worries about Ruma finding out about Mrs. Bagchi because of the unconscious link he has made between Ruma and his wife. He repeatedly draws parallels between the two, first mentioning Ruma’s “haunting” and uncanny physical likeness to her mother (UE 27), which makes him unable to bear looking at her directly, then expressing his disbelief that Ruma’s current life is reminiscent of “the early years of his marriage, the years for which his wife had never forgiven him” (UE 40).20 Since he essentially sees his daughter and his wife as a single entity, he does not intend to make his affair known to Ruma. When she was still alive, Ruma and his wife were allies, so to Ruma’s father any negative sentiments felt by Ruma’s mother, such as resentment or disappointment, would have been passed down to Ruma
through her mother’s complaints. So it comes as no wonder that Ruma’s father cannot open up to his daughter about Mrs. Bagchi because he believes confessing would only result in a negative response from Ruma. Despite it being acceptable for widowers to remarry within Indian society, Ruma’s father believes that his wife continues to live on within his daughter, which explains his guilt and the difficulty he has in admitting his affair.
Immigrating to the United States offers the first generation different alternatives and gives them the choice to choose how to live their lifestyle or to do as they wish.
They are offered a different set of gender roles that are deemed acceptable within the host society, which, if incorporated within their primary values, can result in a complex identity. They are no longer forced to conform as strictly to tradition as they would do in India, since there is no pressure from relatives or friends. However, it is necessary to mention that Ruma’s father is a unique case because most
20 Ruma’s mother had expressed an enduring hatred for the loneliness brought about by their move to America: “The isolation of living in an American suburb, something about which his wife complained and about which he felt responsible, had been more solitude than she could bear” (UE 29).
first-generation South Asians will still retain ties with other immigrants despite losing their spouses, meaning that these men will usually remain fairly faithful to tradition.
Ruma’s father finds greater ease in adopting and practicing American customs
because of the complete severing of his ties to India; he even goes so far to move to a new house to escape from his old life, to distance himself from his Bengali friends (UE 30). He is an extreme example of how assuming multiple identities can affect one’s perspective on gender roles, transforming from a traditional South Asian husband-father figure to a more complicated synthesis of both South Asian and
American elements. On the whole, compared to their wives, first-generation men have an easier time adapting to life in America because they are less restricted in their behavior, making them more inclined to change, indicating that they will exhibit more complex examples of multiple identities. Because of these compound multiple
identities, the values they deem acceptable will also undergo changes, resulting in a propensity to adopt roles that do not conventionally fall under the male gender category.