4.3 The Learners' Writing Examples
4.3.3 Laurence
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Laurence received the highest score both in the pretest and posttest. Laurence’s pretest writing was long, but not divided and the closing rhetorical move was absent.
After the instruction, he improved by producing a well-organized posttest writing, which was divided into three paragraphs. All the rhetorical structures were adeptly adopted and adequately developed in his posttest writing. TC, TP and rhetorical structure analysis were implemented to further examine the pretest writing. The results of the pretest writing were demonstrated in Table 4.10 with constant TPs presented in solid lines and linear TPs in dotted lines. The themes of the constant and linear TPs were highlighted and rhemes of linear TPs were underlined. The description of the topic in the derived hyper TP was in bold and the succeeding sentences were italicized and marked with arrows.
Table 4.10 The TC, TP and Rhetorical Move Analysis of Laurence’s Pretest
Picture Writing
Paragraph 1
Marked Theme Theme Rheme
Opening
(1)
It was an exciting day.
Development I went to AAA, a new fashion which just have
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(2) opened, and shopped for a lot of thing.
(3) I purchased almost everything I saw…
(4) Furthermore, I then wear my newest, most fashionable…
(5) After having some… I walked to the street.
(6) “Hey, look… said people.
(7) “Oh my…”
(8) I was about to shout out loud.
(9) I was undoubtedly the focus of the street.
(10) People kept looking at and talking about me.
Transition
(11)
It wasn’t until I found out the truth that I would make me bury myself in a hole.
Setting
(12) While crossing …
I took a good look at myself on …
Development
(13) Being embarrassed…
I decided to go back to where chair was and SUE whoever painted the chair …
(14) While I was … I was stopped by a girl.
(15) She said something, but I didn’t hear clearly …
(16) “Excuse...” said the girl.
(17) “What?” said me angrily.
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(18) “Excuse ...” asked if you want to be the model …
(19) We would love you to wear your …”
(20) “I wasn’t sure how my faced expression…”
□ Closing
(21)
“Oh my
gosh…”
As shown in Table 4.10, the results of the TC analysis suggested that only one logical connector was identified in the marked themes. Regarding the analysis of the participants in the unmarked themes, it was observed that Laurence used 18 people
participants and 3 dummies without other participant types. Namely, 18 out of 21
participants belonged to the people participant type, which accounted for 86%. Next,
the results of TP analysis indicated that six constant TPs, one linear TP and one derived hyper TP were found in Laurence’s pretest writing. Laurence tended to use constant TPs which were formed by consecutive sentences, such as Sentences 2 to 5, and Sentences 12 to 14. Moreover, the five constant TPs all began with the same theme, “I”.
Finally, the results of rhetorical move analysis showed that Laurence employed both of the opening techniques and only the closing rhetorical move was absent in Laurence’s pretest writing. First, the opening technique, i.e. topic presentation, was identified at the beginning of Laurence’s pretest writing. “It was an exciting day”
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summarized the day that the main character had. It was also the topic that the whole story revolved around. Besides, the transition, “It wasn’t until I found out the truth that I would make me bury myself in a hole,” served as the foreshadow of the following sentence. The character would be embarrassed if she found the stain on her coat.
In conclusion, Laurence employed various kinds of TPs to connect sentences.
Moreover, both of the opening techniques were adopted in Laurence’s pretest writing, which was rarely found in the other learners’ writings. The whole text echoed the first sentence, “It was an exciting day,” which enhanced coherence in his pretest writing.
Laurence adeptly employed the transition technique to foreshadow the surprising ending and presented the twist in the latter part of his writing. One problem of Laurence’s pretest writing was that the long text was not divided into paragraphs and if Laurence adopted the closing technique, his writing would be complete.
After the instruction informed by SFL, Laurence divided his posttest writing into three paragraphs with all the rhetorical moves well-established. TC, TP and rhetorical structure analysis were implemented to examine the posttest writing. The results of the posttest writing were demonstrated in Table 4.11 with constant TPs presented in solid lines. The themes of the constant and linear TPs were highlighted and the rhemes of linear TP were underlined. The description of the topic in the derived hyper
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TP was in bold and the succeeding sentences were italicized and marked with arrows.
Table 4.11 The TC, TP and Rhetorical Move Analysis of Laurence’s Posttest
Picture Writing
Paragraph 1
Marked Theme Theme Rheme
Opening
Marked Theme Theme Rheme
Transition Setting
(5)
“Nah, I don’t buy it”
reacted me after hearing the story of the cursed Chinaware told by my sister.
(6) Though one of … I don’t believe in this kind of stuff.
Development
(7) While on our tour…
I spot a very cool-looking chinaware.
(8) The vessel looked very old.
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(9) There were a lot of damage on its copper-like
patterns.
(10) And the patterns somehow appealed to me.
(11) It was irresistable.
(12) I can’t help but stare at it obsessedly.
(13) Suddenly, an
mischievious
idea
flashed through my mind.
(14) I took my sister puppet, ran away …
(15) Then, I even intended to stuff her puppet …
(16) “Brother, …” shouted my sis.
(17) “What the..?”
(18) I returned to my conciousness ...
(19) “Bang!” Oh…
(20) I somehow sat near the vessel and …
(21) This isn’t going to be good.
(22) I took out the tape (and I don’t …
Transition
(23) But
that wasn’t the end of this mad story.
123 Paragraph 3
Marked Theme Theme Rheme
Setting
(24) That night,
someone broke through my room’s window and penetrated it.
Development
(25)
He was wearing costume that can only be seen on ancient-story drama.
(26) “Return my vessel!” “Agh!”
(27) I screamed as loud as I could, as …
(28) I woke up, sweating all of myself.
(29) So, it was just a dream. Thank God,
Closing
(30)
I sweare, I dare not to look at any Chinaware again!
As reported in Table 4.11, the results of the TC analysis suggested that Laurence adopted three logical connectors in his posttest writing. In Sentence 3, “But still” was used to present the twist. Even though the magician died, the vessel still existed. Also, in Sentence 15, “Then” was employed to describe the sequence of events. The main character first took his sister’s doll away and then intended to stuff it into the exhibition. The third logical connector, “So”, was identified in Sentence 29. Laurence
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used it to display the causal relationship of sentences. The main character woke up to find that everything was merely a dream.
Next, the results of TC analysis showed that, after the instruction, more kinds of participants were identified in Laurence’s text. There were 16 people participants.
The predominated people participant type was the first-person pronoun, “I”, and 12 cases were observed. Nonetheless, Laurence also used other participant types, including four object participants. Next, another three participants were characterized as the intangible entity type and three dummies were found in Laurence’s posttest writing.
Furthermore, the findings of TP analysis revealed that five constant TPs, three linear TPs, and two derived hyper TPs were found in Laurence’s posttest writing. The first constant TP was found in Sentences 3 and 4. Laurence used the same theme,
“The vessel” or “it” to provide background information of the vessel. The second constant TP was formed by Sentences 6 and 7, which began with “I”. Laurence used the constant TP to describe that the character did not believe his sister’s story.
The fourth constant TP, which depicted the main character’s misbehavior, also had the same people participant, “I”, in Sentences 14 and 15. The next constant TP was found in Sentences 24 and 25. Laurence used “Someone” or “he” in the unmarked theme positions to portray the person who broke into the main character’s
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room at night. The last constant TP was formed by Sentences 27 and 28 with the same people participant, “I”, in theme positions to describe that the character finally realized that the horrible incident was a dream.
Besides, three linear TPs was identified in Laurence’s posttest writing. In Sentence 1, Laurence introduced the legend about a necromancer. The rheme, “a necromancer” became the theme of Sentence 2, which described how the necromancer ended his life. Next, in Sentence 7, the rheme, i.e. the exhibition, became the theme of the following sentence, which described the old chinaware. The third linear TP was identified in Sentence 9, in which the rheme, i.e. the patterns, was the theme of the succeeding sentence, which depicted that the character was attracted to the patterns.
Moreover, two derived hyper TPs were found. One derived hyper TP was found in Sentences 10, 11 and 12. Laurence wrote that the chinaware was appealing to the character in Sentence 10. The adjective, “irresistible” was utilized in Sentence 11 to
describe that the character could not help but become intrigued. In Sentence 12, the narrator’s reaction, i.e. the fixed gaze with obsession, upon seeing the exhibition supported that the chinaware drew the character’s attention. The other derived hyper TP was formed by Sentences 13, 14 and 15. The topic of the derived hyper TP was a mischievous idea and the succeeding sentences provided further information
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regarding the naughty tricks that the narrator intended to play on his sister.
Finally, the results of rhetorical structure analysis suggested that all the rhetorical moves were adeptly employed and well established in Laurence’s posttest writing.
The opening rhetorical move was the scene description, i.e. the legend of the vessel, identified in the first paragraph. Then, the transition was provided at the beginning of Paragraph 2, which was the brother and sister’s dialogue about the legend. Laurence created the scene by introducing why the narrator went to the museum and depicting the appearance of the vessel.
The rest of Paragraph 2 developed the scene by describing how the characters broke the exhibition accidentally. Then, Sentence 23 served as the transition and connected Paragraphs 2 and 3, which foreshadowed the unexpected outcome of the story. At the beginning of the last paragraph, Laurence created another scene by describing the stranger in the narrator’s bedroom. Then, another twist was presented when the story seemed to come to an end as the stranger was going to kill the narrator.
It was revealed that all was a dream. Finally, the closing rhetorical move was identified at the end of Paragraph 3. The narrator decided that he would never go to mysterious exhibits again.
To sum up, even though Laurence’s language use was colloquial and still immature, Laurence applied what he had learned after the instruction. Various kinds
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of logical connectors and TPs were used to connect sentences, which contributed to the coherence in Laurence’s posttest writing. Moreover, an adept use of rhetorical structures was observed in Laurence’s posttest writing. Laurence provided transition and created setting for every paragraph. In Paragraph 2, the transition also served as the foreshadow of the surprising ending, which intrigued the readers. The logical connectors, TPs and rhetorical structures made Laurence’s posttest writing coherent and rich in content.
All in all, the results of the present study suggested that the EFL senior high school learners’ picture writing score significantly increased after the instruction. Next, the examination of participants in the unmarked theme positions showed that people and object participants were the two frequently employed participant types in picture writings. Third, the analysis of logical connectors in the marked theme positions indicated that the sequential logical connectors and the logical connectors which explained the cause and effect of events were commonly used to narrate stories in picture writings. Fourth, the findings of the TP analysis showed that, although the EFL learners included more TP types in the posttest writings, constant TPs still dominated both the pretest and posttest writings. Finally, the investigation of rhetorical structures revealed that the learners made progress in employing the rhetorical moves in the posttest, especially the transition and closing technique.
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Generally, coherence in the learners’ posttest picture writings was improved with various logical connectors, TP types and well-established rhetorical structures.
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CHAPTER FIVE
Discussion and Conclusion
The current research aimed to examine how the instruction of TCs, TPs, and rhetorical moves influenced the thirty senior high school students’ picture writings. A pretest/posttest design was utilized to investigate the effect of the instruction. Through analyzing the TCs, TPs, and rhetorical structures in the pretest and posttest data, the effect of the three-week instruction could be examined. This chapter is composed of two sections. The results of the TC, TP, and rhetorical move analysis are first summarized and discussed in Section 5.1, Discussion. Moreover, three learners’
writings were further analyzed and discussed to verify the findings. Section 5.2, Conclusion, offers summary of the major findings and the implications of teaching TCs, TPs, and rhetorical structures to enlarge the understanding of how the instruction impacts learner writings. Then, the section discusses limitations of the present study and provides suggestions for future research.