Reward-Based Strategies

In the category of reward-based strategies, ingratiation, promise, and debt are the three persuasive strategies used by romantic confessors in the data. These strategies are devised with a view to rewarding the confessee or making him/her feel good so that the chances of him/her agreeing to the confessor’s request will increase. As discussed earlier, since the goal of romantic confession is to confess one’s feelings and to persuade the confessee to be romantically involved with the confessor, it is preferable to leave good impressions and charm the confessee into agreeing with the confessor by adopting strategies that are comparatively more rewarding and emotionally appealing to the

confessees. Findings from affective science have also pointed out that adopting emotional approaches can be effective in persuasion (Petty, Fabrigar, and Wegener, 2003). Thus, in the data of the current study, reward-based strategies are frequently adopted by romantic confessors.

Ingratiation

The ingratiation strategy consists of verbal or nonverbal tactics such as giving gifts, providing services, and paying compliments with a view to making the confessee feel good about himself/herself or the confessor. For instance, confessors would bring handmade cards, homemade ice cream, stuffed animals, jewelry, etc. as gifts for the confessees. Or, they would give the confessees a shoulder massage, sing a song or dance to show their love, teach the confessees a new language, etc. In addition, the confessors would pay direct compliments such as praising the confessee for looking good or having admirable achievements and personalities. The confessors would also indirectly compliment the confessees by saying that they rarely confess their loving feelings toward another person (and let alone on TV). This implies that the confessees are truly special or else the confessors would not have decided to make a confession (See Excerpt 3).

(3) CONFESSOR; 我心動了.

…這是我第二次跟女嘉賓告白.

..因為我真的:

(You make) my heart beat. This is the second time I confess to a female guest. Because I rarely see the type (of woman) that I really like on the show.

From the average numbers of persuasive strategies used per confession, we can see that ingratiation is adopted the most out of all the types of persuasive strategies identified in the data. On average, there are 5.91 tokens of ingratiation strategy used by confessors per confession (See Table 8). In the context of romantic confession, the main

goals are to confess one’s feelings toward their love interest as well as win over the person’s heart. By doing things for the confessees and making them feel good about

themselves, confessors are more likely to leave a more favorable impression and gain confessee’s affection and trust. That is to say, using the ingratiation strategy in romantic

persuasion may allow the confessors to have better chances in persuading the confessees to be in a relationship with them. Other studies have also found that the strategy of ingratiation (giving gifts, providing services, paying compliments, etc.) is often used during courtship and relationship initiation (Clark, Shaver, and Abrahams, 1999; De Weerth and Kalma, 1995).

When considering gender differences, we can see that female confessors adopt more strategies of ingratiation (See Table 8) than male confessors in the data. The reason behind this may be more of an effect of the format of this show instead of gender preferences. Since the men in the show are regular cast members and women are one-time guests, female confessors usually have much more time to prepare for their

unique ways of romantic confessions that show their own styles or cater to the likings of a specific male cast member that she has had a crush on before going on the show.

Consequently, the female confessors would adopt more ingratiation strategies because they are often more prepared in terms of giving out gifts, doing sweet and kind things, or paying compliments to their confessees.

Promise

The strategy of promise is used when the confessor guarantees to do something for the confessee in the future should he/she choose to agree to the confessor’s request. This strategy serves as a verbal assurance about the reward that the confessee will receive for agreeing to be romantically involved with the confessor. Usually, these statements include things that the confessor will do for the confessee as a partner in the relationship.

As shown in Excerpt 4, the confessor is indicating her willingness to take care of the confessee and cater to his needs in the future. This strategy is often marked by expressions such as 我願意… ‘I am willing to…’ or 我會… ‘I will…’

(4) CONFESSOR; 我願意照顧你,

..在你:拍攝辛苦的時候, 為你遞水打風扇.

我也願意在你拍攝遇到寒冷天氣的時候為你帶大衣, 願意做你的一個冷暖空調.

I’m willing to take care of you. When you are having a hard time on your (photo) shoots. (I will) bring you water and fan. I am also willing to bring you a coat when it’s cold on your (photo) shoots. (I am) willing to be your air conditioner.

Promise is one of the top five strategies used by confessors in the data. On average, 1.04 tokens of promise can be found per confession. By showing the confessee what he/she would get after being romantically involved with the confessor, the confessee might be more tempted to comply in order to gain the reward. These statements of promise would also paint the confessee a picture of what it would be like to be in a relationship with the confessor. If what the confessor proposes is what the confessee is looking for in a relationship, the chances of the request being accepted would increase.

Therefore, confessors are found to favor this strategy to persuade the confessees over some of the other persuasive strategies in the model.

Debt

This strategy is used to persuade the confessee to agree to the confessor’s request as something in return by reminding him/her of the things the confessor had done for the confessee in the past. This is one of the least used strategies by the confessors. Due to the format of this show, the men and the women only have limited time to interact

with each other before the confession. Thus, it is harder for the confessors to refer to specific “past” favors that he/she has done for the confessee and to further ask for

something in return. Nevertheless, this strategy is still found to be used by romantic confessors, especially as a follow-up strategy to the ingratiation strategy. After giving gifts, doing something nice, or paying compliments to the confessees, the confessor

would playfully suggest how the confessee was now in the confessor’s debt. For instance, one confessor, after giving the confessee a shoulder massage, told the confessee that she should pay him back for his massage service by being with him for a lifetime (See Excerpt 5).

(5) CONFESSOR; 我忘記告訴妳了, 我按摩是要收費的.

…就是我幫妳按一下, ..妳要陪我一年.

我剛剛幫妳按了大概:

…好像有幾十下了, ..可以一輩子了.

I forgot to tell you, I charge for my massages. That is, I massage you once, you have to be with me for a year. I just massaged you for about maybe 10 times. (That) can be a lifetime (together).

By saying that he does not massage for free, the confessor further indicated that the

confessee would have to repay him by being with him as a couple. Although not all uses of this strategy led to desirable result of gaining the confessee’s consent, the confessor

did get the confessee to agree being in a relationship with him in this case.

Another reason for the low occurrence of this strategy in the data may be that this

strategy is comparatively more face-threatening than the other reward-based strategies.

Claiming that the confessee is in the confessor’s debt might make the confessee feel

uncomfortable especially when the two are only meeting in person for the very first time.

In other words, this strategy can be a risky move for the situation could get awkward if the confessee has no intention to comply.

4.1.2 Punishment-Based Strategies

The category of punishment-based strategies consists of aversive stimulation, guilt,

and warning. These strategies are adopted in order to punish or make the confessee feel bad so that the chances of him/her agreeing to the confessor’s request will increase.

Similar to the previous discussion, although the ultimate goal of the confessor is to persuade the confessee to be in a relationship with him/her, pressuring or forcing the confessee into taking the offer would not be the most preferred scenario for establishing a romantic relationship. As a result, punishment-based strategies are one of the least adopted categories by confessors in romantic persuasion and are usually used as a last resort after the confessees are starting to show signs of doubt or rejection (See Table 8).

Aversive Stimulation

The aversive stimulation strategy aims at making things unpleasant for the confessee until he/she agrees to do what is asked by the confessor. Since this strategy is comparatively more face-threatening than others and would risk making the confessee feel uncomfortable, it is only used as a “desperate” move to persuade the confessee to change his/her mind after the confessee has shown signs of rejection to the confessor’s request (See Excerpt 6). As demonstrated by the excerpt, such a strategy is often accompanied by sobs and cries, indicating how the confessor is getting emotional and perhaps even irrational to some extent when adopting this persuasive strategy.

(6) CONFESSOR; 既然你不肯牽我嘛:

…那我就天天纏著你好了.

我會纏到,

<哽咽>..你習慣了我,>

<哽咽>不能沒有我纏你的那天.>

Since you won’t take my hand, I’ll stick to you every day. I will stick to you until < CHOKE WITH SOBS AND AM UNABLE TO SPEAK> you are used to having me around> (and) < CHOKE WITH SOBS AND AM UNABLE TO SPEAK> the day that you can’t stand not having me stick to you.>

In the current data, only unsuccessful female confessors resort to this strategy after a series of other strategies have been used and the male confessees were still refusing to accept the request. For these female confessors, they got to know these men on TV and through social media platforms before coming to the show. These women had usually had a crush on or were obsessed with the male cast members for quite some time already. Therefore, when being rejected, these female confessors would tend to get emotional and were less willing to accept the refusal, and hence, they would make the desperate attempt of making the male confessees feel so bad in the hope that they would reconsider their proposal.

In successful confessions, such a strategy is unnecessary and the use of it might even make the situation so uncomfortable for both parties that it hurts the chances of gaining acceptance. Thus, aversive stimulation is not found in successful confessions.

Unsuccessful male confessors did not use this strategy in their confessions might be because, as regular cast members of the show, male confessors were more experienced

and more used to being rejected on the show. Furthermore, their encounters with the

female guests on the show were brief and might be less profound compared to the

“fan-like” female confessors. Consequently, they might not feel the strong need to adopt

a drastic measure in the hope of gaining acceptance for any specific girl they come

across on the show. In addition, the regular male cast members, as reality TV personalities, are under more pressure to maintain a “polite” or “gentleman-like” image

on TV. Previous studies have also pointed out the importance for TV personalities to maintain a good public image for social and commercial purposes (Collins, 2008;

Gordon, 2011; Summers and Morgan, 2008). In a nutshell, unsuccessful male confessors might avoid the aversive stimulation strategy because either they were not as invested and did not find it necessary to adopt such a drastic strategy, or they wanted to avoid making things too unpleasant or appearing to be somewhat irrational or pushy on TV.

Guilt

This strategy attempts to make the confessee feel bad or guilty by crying/sobbing

or hinting at how unkind or immoral it would be if he/she does not agree to the confessor’s request (See Excerpt 7).

(7) CONFESSOR; 我來之前我就想到說:

<啜泣>..你可能不會和我牽手.>

Before I came here I already thought about how <SOB> you might not take my hand.>

Relatively speaking, although this strategy is still designed with an attempt to pressure the confessee into doing what is asked, it is a weaker approach that is less irrational or intense than aversive stimulation. This is mainly the reason why guilt is the most commonly used strategy in the category of punishment-based strategies.

From the average numbers of guilt strategy used per confession, it is found that unsuccessful confessors tend to use this strategy more than successful confessors (See Table 8). As stated before, punishment-based strategies were usually used after the confessees were showing signs of doubts or rejection to the request of the confessors.

Since such signs of rejection were shown more frequently in unsuccessful confessions, guilt was thus used more commonly as a measure to see whether the confessee was willing to change his/her mind in unsuccessful confessions.

In the data, it is also shown that female confessors tend to adopt the strategy of guilt slightly more than their male counterparts (See Table 8). As discussed in the previous strategy, regular male cast members might have greater tendencies to maintain a good public image by appearing to be more polite and considerate. As a result, despite the strategy of guilt being a less forceful or irrational strategy than aversive stimulation, it is more likely that male confessors would try not to use this strategy too much to avoid making the confessees feel uncomfortable or putting the confessees on the spot in their confessions.

Warning

The strategy of warning hints at the negative outcome that the confessee will experience should the confessee decide to reject the confessor’s request. In the data, only one token of this strategy is found. Specifically, this strategy was used by a successful female confessor. After confessing her feelings and proposing that the confessee should agree to be in a relationship with her, the confessor faced a challenging question from the confessee asking her whether the distance between them would become a problem. Due to the fact that the two were living in different cities at the moment, the confessee expressed his doubts and worries about getting into a long-distance relationship. The confessor then responded by hinting at how the guy might have to bear with the negative consequences of regret if distance was the reason that made him give up on the chance to be with someone that he likes/loves (See Excerpt 8). Immediately after the confessor’s warning of the negative consequences the confessee might experience if he turned down the request, the confessee agreed to be in a relationship with the woman.

(8) CONFESSOR; 如果說你喜歡的女生:

..在別的城市,

…但是又因為距離的問題,

然後你放棄了.

你覺得你會後悔嗎？

If the girl that you like is in another city, but once again because of the problem of the distance and you give up, do you think you will regret?

Although only one occurrence of this strategy is found in the data, this example of success has shown that if used wisely, the use of such a strategy could actually be a turning point in romantic persuasion.

4.1.3 Altruism-Based Strategies

The altruism-based strategies found in the data are counsel, favor, and altruism.

Strategies in this category are devised with an attempt to convince the confessee by considering his/her standpoint or indicating that the confessor is in need for the confessee to do what is requested. In other words, when either one of the parties (i.e., confessor or confessee) is or is asked to be the bigger person and do something that’s more in favor of the other person instead of himself/herself, the strategies used would be considered as altruism-based strategies. For the nature of altruism-based strategies being ones that seem to be doing or asking a favor from the confessee, it creates an imbalanced relationship between the person granting and the person receiving the favor.

In addition, there are higher chances for the confessee to feel uncomfortable because he/she is being put on the spot to receive or provide help. In the context of romantic confession, such strategies might not be as favored compared to the ones in other categories. This may be because it is crucial for the confessee to feel like the other person will be able to have similar input in the relationship and is not just asking for partnership because he/she is weak or needs help. In other words, portraying oneself or

the other as weak or in need of assistance from the other may not be the most preferred strategies in forming a relationship. This finding can be further supported by previous studies on relationship maintenance. It has been established that an equitable relationship, in which romantic partners feel that the amount of input and outcome is similar and fair, is generally more satisfying than an inequitable one (Hatfield et al., 1985; Utne et al., 1984; Van Yperen and Buunk, 1990). As a result, altruism-based strategies, strategies that imply an inequitable situation, is another category that is not as frequently adopted by confessors in romantic confessions (See Table 8).

Counsel

Counsel is a strategy that shows the willingness of the confessor to consider the viewpoints of the confessee and that the confessor is prepared to provide additional assistance in helping the confessee to make a decision about agreeing to the request.

This strategy is often phrased in the interrogative form as the confessor is seeking to gain more information on the reason why the confessee is hesitant about complying.

This strategy is often phrased in the interrogative form as the confessor is seeking to gain more information on the reason why the confessee is hesitant about complying.