Altruism-Based Strategies

The altruism-based strategies found in the data are counsel, favor, and altruism.

Strategies in this category are devised with an attempt to convince the confessee by considering his/her standpoint or indicating that the confessor is in need for the confessee to do what is requested. In other words, when either one of the parties (i.e., confessor or confessee) is or is asked to be the bigger person and do something that’s more in favor of the other person instead of himself/herself, the strategies used would be considered as altruism-based strategies. For the nature of altruism-based strategies being ones that seem to be doing or asking a favor from the confessee, it creates an imbalanced relationship between the person granting and the person receiving the favor.

In addition, there are higher chances for the confessee to feel uncomfortable because he/she is being put on the spot to receive or provide help. In the context of romantic confession, such strategies might not be as favored compared to the ones in other categories. This may be because it is crucial for the confessee to feel like the other person will be able to have similar input in the relationship and is not just asking for partnership because he/she is weak or needs help. In other words, portraying oneself or

the other as weak or in need of assistance from the other may not be the most preferred strategies in forming a relationship. This finding can be further supported by previous studies on relationship maintenance. It has been established that an equitable relationship, in which romantic partners feel that the amount of input and outcome is similar and fair, is generally more satisfying than an inequitable one (Hatfield et al., 1985; Utne et al., 1984; Van Yperen and Buunk, 1990). As a result, altruism-based strategies, strategies that imply an inequitable situation, is another category that is not as frequently adopted by confessors in romantic confessions (See Table 8).

Counsel

Counsel is a strategy that shows the willingness of the confessor to consider the viewpoints of the confessee and that the confessor is prepared to provide additional assistance in helping the confessee to make a decision about agreeing to the request.

This strategy is often phrased in the interrogative form as the confessor is seeking to gain more information on the reason why the confessee is hesitant about complying.

From the perspective of co-construction and verbal interaction, this strategy may be a risky one to use in the process of a romantic persuasion. When being asked about why he/she has doubts about agreeing to the request, the confessee will be given the chance to voice unsolvable problems or doubts in mind as responses to the confessor’s question and avoid initiating this face-threatening topic by himself or herself. In other words, by

using this strategy, the confessor could make it easier for the confessee to turn down his/her request as the confessor already provides a reason and an opportunity for the confessee to present the refusal. For example, in Excerpt 9, the confessor was trying to understand why the confessee was not willing to be in a relationship with her after the confessee had shown signs of rejection.

(9) CONFESSEE; ..但:

But..

CONFESSOR; 你在:糾結什麼？

What are you struggling with right now?

CONFESSEE; …妳現在:在北京嗎？

Are you currently (located) in Beijing?

CONFESSOR; ..沒有.

..我現在沒有在北京.

..我在貴陽.

No. I’m not in Beijing. I’m in Guiyang.

CONFESSEE; …最重要的是我現在:在北京

The most important (thing is that) I am currently in Beijing.

The confessee in this example revealed that he was hesitant to be in a relationship with the woman because of the distance between them (He already learned this information when the confessor introduced herself in earlier segments of the show). In this example, it can be seen that the confessor eventually was unable to provide a satisfying answer to the confessee or further convince him to agree to her request.

However, by adopting this strategy, it showed that she was willing to consider the standpoint of the confessee and offer necessary information to make his decision process easier even if it might lead to an undesirable result.

As shown in the average numbers of counsel strategy used in the data, unsuccessful confessors adopted this strategy more than successful confessors (See

Table 8). Since this strategy was often used when the confessee seemed uncertain or was avoiding the confessor’s request, it was more likely to be adopted in a setting in

which the confessee was more inclined to turn down the offer. As a result, unsuccessful confessors would use this strategy more commonly in their confessions.

Favor

The strategy of favor is devised to ask the confessee to do something as a special favor to satisfy the wish of the confessor. The confessee, in this case, would be asked to be the bigger person and grant the request of the confessor as a favor. Take the following excerpt as an example. The confessor was not too tall. And although height was not an important factor for him in selecting a mate, he got self-conscious when

standing next to the confessee that wore high heels. He then strategically tested the confessee’s willingness to be with him by indirectly asking her to take off her heels as a

favor.

(10) CONFESSOR; 其實我對身高的要求沒有特別高,

…但是:

..可能:

..或許會有壓力

…不知道您能為我:

Actually, I don’t have high standards for height. But..

Possibly.. Maybe (felt) some pressure. (I) don’t know if you can (take off your shoes) for me…

CONFESSEE; ((脫下高跟鞋))

((TAKE OFF HIGH HEELS))

As mentioned before, such a strategy of asking a favor from another person creates an imbalanced relationship between the person granting and the person receiving the favor. It would also put the confessee on the spot when the confessee is being asked to comply as a favor. Previous studies have also pointed out that asking favor is one of the face-threatening and imposing acts that call for redressive measures (Brown and Levinson, 1987; Goldschmidt, 1996; Wilson, Aleman, and Leatham, 1998). Therefore, this strategy is not used as often as strategies in other categories (See Table 8).

A noteworthy difference between successful and unsuccessful confessors of the two genders can be found in the average number of favor strategies used per confession (See Table 8). While successful male confessors (0.3) adopted the strategy of favor in their confessions slightly more than successful female confessors (0.17), unsuccessful female confessors (0.39) used this strategy more frequently than unsuccessful male confessors (0.08) did in the data. To make sense of this subtle gender differences between successful and unsuccessful confessors, we would have to understand the different socially preferred characteristics for men and women and their effect on the favor-asking behaviors between the two genders. It has been found in previous gender role studies that although qualities of being self-reliant, independent, assertive, and strong are traits all people may desire to have, it is stereotypically more expected and

favored for men to possess these characteristics than women (Peng, 2006; Prentice and Carranza, 2002; Zhang and Norvilitis, 2001). As a result, asking for a favor is perhaps something that is more common and more socially acceptable for women to do than men are in the society because the person asking the favor would tend to be associated with being weak and needing assistance or kindness from others. For this reason, men may be more likely to avoid asking for favors, and especially to people that they do not know too well or when they feel like the chances of getting rejected are high. However,

since the confessees would often co-construct and send signals of acceptance in successful confessions, the male confessors would perhaps feel “safer” to persuade the

confessees by asking them to do them the favor of being in a relationship with them. As a result, the confessors in the data generally do not like to adopt the favor strategy and even more so for male confessors in unsuccessful confessions.

Altruism

This strategy suggests that the confessee should agree to do what is asked because the confessor needs help. The strategy of altruism can be seen as a stronger approach of the previous strategy. While the confessors were only asking the confessees to comply

as a favor by using the previous strategy, confessors directly pointed out that they were in need of the confessees’ compliance by adopting the strategy of altruism. For instance,

in Excerpt 11, the confessor is hinting at the fact that she needs the confessee to be the

one to be in charge for her.

(11) CONFESSOR; 我需要一個人:

..來為我獨當一面.

I need a person to take charge for me.

The fact that only female confessors had used this strategy in the data is another support of our previous discussion on the gender differences in asking for a favor or requesting help. Presenting oneself as weak or desperately in need of help from another person would generally not be considered as a good move to make for confessors, and especially male ones, if they were trying to convince their confessees that they would make a good romantic relationship partner. Thus, not only did male confessors avoid this strategy entirely, but female confessors also adopted the altruism strategy less frequently in their confessions (See Table 8).