The following are five behaviours that endanger friendship. They remind us that friendship requires careful management and sincere commitment, otherwise we will not have lasting friendship.
Fig. 6 Behaviours harming friendship
Refer to the above, try to tick a "✓" in the appropriate box to indicate behaviours that help maintain friendship (you can choose more than one).
Help revise school work
Contact often
Cheat friends for money
Give encouragement and
support
Share secrets
Appreciate and praise each other
Provide positive and joyous messages
Force someone to give a gift
Write down each other's matters
Help plagiarise someone’s homework
Persuade and advise
Take the initiative to ask friends to go out
Make fun of friends
Take the initiative to send messages of comfort
Say hurtful words to friends
•Jealous that friends are better than oneself and produce the desire to harm, like belittling friends' achievements,
or even making
ridiculous or derogatory remarks on friends.
Jealous behaviours
•Often make fun of friends, criticise them, or even tease and slander them, which will hurt the friends' feelings and also destroy mutual trust.
Behaviours that hurt the feelings of friends
•Mutual help between friends focus only on rewards and benefits, which is not a healthy sign of friendship and
will harm the
relationship.
Behaviours that focuse only on benefits
•Often cancel plans at the last minute, and even treat friends as "back-up friends" to fill their time slots, which will gradually drain the patience of friends.
Behaviours that put friends down
•Strongly insist on own opinions in everything,
ask friends to
accommodate their thoughts, and complain or even blame friends when encountering something which is not as one wishes.
Self-centred behaviours
34
Read the following cases carefully, and then answer the questions.
Case 1: Little things that ruin friendship Chun Ming and Lai Fan are classmates. One day, when Lai Fan was about to put things back to the locker, she accidentally dropped the books all over the floor. When Chun Ming saw it, he laughed at her and made fun of her, saying she was clumsy, unable to hold even a single thing, and good grades are not everything. Then he went away without offering any help.
1. Do you think Chun Ming’s behaviour will maintain or harm the friendship? (Put a tick “✓” in the appropriate box to indicate the correct answer) Please specify the reason(s).
maintain
harmReason(s): Chun Ming only laughed, and didn't help Lai Fan.
2. Refer to the content of Case 1 and complete the following table.
What happened to Lai Fan?
How did Chun Ming react?
Values/attitudes shown - Lai Fan
accidentally dropped something and the situation was embarassing.
- Chun Ming laughed at Lan Fan and made fun of her, and left without offering help.
- Teasing
- Jealousy (saying hurtful words to Lai Fan who achieved good grades in school work) - Selfish (didn't
provide assistance to Lai Fan in need)
3. What would you suggest Chun Ming can do?
- Chun Ming can find out if Lai Fan is injured, comfort her and help her stand up. Then he can help her pick up her things, and talk to her about other topics to distract from the embarrassing situation.
35
Case 2: Friends in close contact
Recently, Ming Keung found that he was not keeping up with his school work. He did not know what to do and felt very anxious. When Ming Keung and Yu May talked on the phone as usual, Yu May said that she noticed Ming Keung’s problem. Yu May then showed her care for Ming Keung by taking the initiative to invite Ming Keung to revise with her every day after school.
1. Do you think Yu May's behaviour will maintain or harm the friendship? (Put a tick
“✓” in the appropriate box to indicate the correct answer) Please specify the reason(s).
maintain
harmReason(s): Yu Mei noticed Ming Keung’s problem in school work and offered to help.
2. Refer to the content of Case 2 and complete the following table.
What happened to Ming Keung?
How did Yu May react?
Values/attitudes shown
- Was under academic pressure and felt
anxious and
helpless.
Kept in touch with Ming Keung, paid attention to Ming Keung's situation, expressed care and concern for Ming Keung’s problem, and supported him with practical actions.
- Active - Caring - Mutual help
- Selfless contribution
3. What would you suggest Ming Keung should do?
- Ming Keung should thank Yu May for her help. He should see Yu May as role model and actively help other classmates in need by showing care and concern for them and offering assistance.
36
Case 3: Breaking promises
Lai Yung, May Yan, and Man Kei are good friends.
They often chat and share their innermost feelings.
Once, Lai Yung and May Yan promised Man Kei that they would keep her secret. Despite the promise to keep Man Kei’s secret, they shared the secret with other classmates in order to draw their attention and win their friendship. When Man Kei confronted them with what they had done, Lai Yung and May Yan made a lot of excuses and said that Man Kei’s secret was not a big deal.
1. Do you think the behaviour of Lai Yung and May Yan will maintain or harm the friendship? (Put a tick “✓” in the appropriate box to indicate the correct answer) Please specify the reason(s).
maintain
harmReason(s): Lai Yung and May Yan did not keep their promise, and even revealed Man Kei’s secret to win other people’s friendship.
2. Refer to the content of Case 3 and complete the following table.
What happened to Man Kei?
How did Lai Yung and May Yan react?
Values/attitudes shown
- Man Kei’s close friends Lai Yung and May Yan had promised to keep her secret.
However, they betrayed her by sharing her secret
with other
classmates.
- Made up a lot of excuses and said Man Kei’s secret was not a big deal in order to evade their responsibility in the matter.
- Lack of integrity - Lack of empathy
3. What would you suggest Lai Yung and May Yan should do?
- Lai Yung and May Yan should apologise to Man Kei and promise to keep secrets in the future and be honest and considerate of friends.
37