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Secondary 1 Resource 7:

Friendship

Personal, Social and Humanities Education Section Curriculum Development Institute

Education Bureau

Life and Society (Secondary 1-3) Curriculum Support

Materials

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Introduction

• The design of “Life and Society (Secondary 1-3) Curriculum Support Materials Series” is based on the current Life and Society curriculum and aligned with the ongoing development of the curriculum. The

“Resources” will further support the implementation of the curriculum.

• This resource restructures and updates the highly connected contents of the current Life and Society curriculum to enhance learning and teaching effectiveness of the subject. It provides diversified learning activities to help students acquire knowledge and understand important concepts, develop skills and nurture positive values and attitudes. In addition, it offers teaching guidelines and suggestions on learning and teaching activities for teachers’ reference. Further, the

“Resources” provides “Joyful reading” and self-learning materials to enhance students’ interest in reading and cultivate students’ self- learning capacity.

• “Resource 7: Friendship” for Secondary 1 is developed by the School of Education and Languages of The Open University of Hong Kong, commissioned by the Personal, Social and Humanities Education Section, Curriculum Development Institute of the Education Bureau.

• The School of Education and Languages of The Open University of Hong Kong has tried its best to locate the sources of the photos/figures.

However, the sources of some photos/figures cannot be identified and the clearance of the copyrights of these photos/figures is pending.

Please contact us should you have information on the sources of these

photos/figures.

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Resource 7: Friendship

Contents

Pages

Teaching Design

Lesson 1 and Lesson 2: The importance of friendship to personal growth

4

Lesson 3 and Lesson 4: Ways to cope with peer pressure 8

Learning and Teaching Activities

Worksheet 1: The importance of friendship to personal growth 12

Worksheet 2: Building friendship 22

Worksheet 3: The influence of peer pressure 39

Worksheet 4: Coping with the negative effects of peer pressure 46

Joyful Reading

Viewing friendship from the perspectives of Confucius and Aristotle

54

References

55

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Teaching Design:

Topic: Friendship Duration: 4 lessons Learning

Objectives:

To understand the importance of friendship to personal growth

To build friendship

To understand influence of peer pressure

To learn the ways to cope with peer pressure (including conformity)

Knowledge/Concepts: Skills: Values and Attitudes:

Friendship

Autonomy

Interdependence

Acquaintances

Bosom friends/

Confidants

Need for affinity

Good friends

Bad friends

Maintaining friendship

Harming friendship

Peer pressure

Conformity

Analysis

Discussion

Problem solving

Reflection

Respecting others

Initiative

Caring for others

Mutuality

Selfless giving

Integrity

Trust

Empathy

Honesty

Sense of belonging

Ethics

Adaptability and flexibility

Critical thinking Lesson 1 and Lesson 2 (The importance of friendship to personal growth) Pre-lesson

Preparation:

Students finish the following before class:

- Read Worksheets 1-2 and finish the activities.

Suggested lesson time Enquiry

Process:

1. Set: The teacher invites students to share their views on “Activity 1: Have your ‘friendship’” in Worksheet 1 and then briefly summarises the definition and functions of friendship.

5 minutes

2. Interactive teaching:

Direct instruction: The teacher discusses with students the contents of “Activity 2: The importance of friends” in Worksheet 1 and relates to Activity 1 to guide students to understand the importance of friendship to personal growth.

Class discussion: The teacher invites

10 minutes

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students to share their answers for “Activity 2: The importance of friends” in Worksheet 1. The teacher can also use “Socrative” or ask students to vote by a show of hands in order to know students’ choices.

Student reflection: Students finish the reflective question based on what they have learned in class and personal experience.

Teacher debriefing: The teacher asks students to share a happy moment with a good friend and the importance of that good friend to them.

After the above debriefing, the teacher shall introduce the next part of teaching.

3. Interactive teaching:

Direct instruction: The teacher briefly introduces the contents of “Building friendship” in Worksheet 2 and guide students to understand that there are close friends and acquaintances, and the quality of friendship is more important than how many friends they have.

Pair work: Students work in pairs to finish

“Activity 1: Friends are so different?” with reference to “Dunbar’s Number” and contents in Worksheet 2. The teacher invites several groups of students to share their discussion results*.

* The teacher can refer to the Chinese allusion in Appendix 1 “Learn More: Different types of friendships” to help students understand there are different levels of intimacy in friendships. The teacher can also encourage students to find out the sources and meanings of other Chinese allusions or idiom stories after class as a self-learning activity.

15 minutes

4. Interactive teaching:

Direct instruction: The teacher briefly introduces “Activity 2: Secret book on choosing friends” in Worksheet 2.

Video watching: The teacher plays the Educational MultiMedia video “It is hard to

20 minutes

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find a bosom friend (Analects: Selected Reading (II): Methods of choosing friends”) and guides students to carry out a class discussion to understand the methods and importance of distinguishing good friends and bad friends so that they can learn about how to be a good friend to others.

Group discussion: Students work in groups of 4 to discuss the conditions of good friends and bad friends with reference to “Activity 2:

Secret book on choosing friends”.

Presentation and class discussion: The teacher invites each group to present their discussion results. Students listen to the discussion results of different groups and reflect on the questions raised by the teacher and peers, which will help deepen their understanding of the importance of good friends and how good friends will be helpful to their personal growth.

5. Interactive teaching:

Direct instruction: The teacher briefly introduces the contents of “Activity 3: Any great ideas for maintaining friendship?” in Worksheet 2.

Group discussion: Students work in groups of 4 to read the story “International Day of Friendship: Stealing from father to help friends” in Activity 3 in Worksheet 2, and then discuss and analyse the story in order to understand the right ways to maintain friendship.

Presentation and class discussion: The teacher invites each group to present their discussion results. Students listen to the discussion results of different groups and reflect on the questions raised by the teacher and peers, which will help deepen their understanding of what behaviours will help maintain friendship and what will harm it.

Besides, the teacher can help students understand that developing the positive values and attitudes associated with

20 minutes

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friendship will be a long-term benefit for one’s growth and development.

6. Conclusion:

• The teacher points out the importance of friendship to personal growth and ways of choosing friends.

• The teacher encourages students to take a good look at their friendship and conditions for choosing friends and reflect on the following questions:

- What roles do friends play in our growth?

- What are the effects of incautiously making bad friends?

10 minutes

Extended Learning Activity:

Students read Appendix 1 “Know More: Different types of friendships” after class to learn and reflect on its contents.

Learning and Teaching Resources:

Worksheets 1- 2; Appendix 1

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Lesson 3 and Lesson 4 (Ways to cope with peer pressure) Pre-lesson

Preparation:

Students finish the following before class:

- Read Worksheets 3-4 and finish the activities.

Suggested lesson time Enquiry

Process:

1. Set and revision: The teacher reviews the key learning points of Lesson 1 and Lesson 2 with students.

5 minutes

2. Interactive teaching:

Direct instruction: The teacher briefly introduces the contents of “The influence of peer pressure” in Worksheet 3.

Video watching: The teacher plays the Video-based Learning and Teaching Resources on Values Education “Reason and Sentiment Series 2: Episode 5: The most popular classmate”.

Group discussion: Students work in groups of 4 to discuss and analyse the questions in

“Activity 1: ‘Befriend’ you or ‘lure’ me” in Worksheet 3.

Presentation and class discussion: The teacher invites each group to present their discussion results. Students listen to the discussion results of different groups and reflect on the questions raised by the teacher and peers, which will help them understand that peer pressure is commonly found and think about the positive and negative effects brought about by their peers.

15 minutes

3. Interactive teaching:

Direct instruction: The teacher briefly introduces the contents of “Activity 2: Are friends good or bad?” in Worksheet 3.

Group discussion: Students work in groups of 4 to discuss and analyse the cases provided in Activity 2.

Presentation and class discussion: The teacher invites each group to present their discussion results. Students listen to the discussion results of different groups and reflect on the questions raised by the teacher and peers, which will help them understand

20 minutes

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that they need to be careful about making friends and learn about how to deal with peer pressure.

4. Interactive teaching:

Direct instruction: The teacher briefly introduces the contents of “Activity 1:

Analyse peer pressure” in Worksheet 4 and then explain how to analyse peer pressure using the 5W1H Method.

Pair work: Students work in pairs to discuss and analyse the case provided in Activity 1 in Worksheet 4 using the 5W1H Method. The teacher invites several groups to share the results of discussion.

Student reflection: The teacher engages the whole class in discussing the reflective question of the case mentioned above and guides students to reflect on their attitudes and mindsets when facing peer pressure and to use the 5W1H Method to deal with peer pressure.

Summary: The teacher encourages students to share their experience in facing peer pressure so as to bring out the negative effects of not dealing with peer pressure properly, and introduces the next part of the lesson.

15 minutes

5. Interactive teaching:

Direct instruction: The teacher briefly introduces the contents of “Activity 2: How to deal with negative peer pressure” in Worksheet 4.

Group discussion: Students work in groups of 4 to read the situations provided in Activity 2 in Worksheet 4 and then discuss and analyse the situations.

Presentation and class discussion: The teacher invites each group to present their discussion results. Students listen to the discussion results of different groups and reflect on the questions raised by the teacher and peers, which will help deepen their understanding of the ways to cope with peer

15 minutes

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pressure and their applications.

Summary: The teacher summarises the methods of dealing with negative peer pressure and consolidate student learning by referring to the methods suggested by students in Activity 2.

6. Conclusion:

• The teacher summarises the discussion results and list out ways of coping with peer pressure.

• The teacher encourages students to strengthen their ability to deal with peer pressure and develop positive attitudes towards making friends and maintaining friendship so that they could enjoy the pleasure and benefits brought about by friendship.

10 minutes

Extended Learning Activity:

Students read Appendix 2 “Learn More: Friendship troubles and corresponding solutions” and Appendix 3 “Joyful Reading: Viewing friendship from the perspectives of Confucius and Aristotle”, and reflect on relevant questions after class.

Learning and Teaching Resources:

Worksheets 3-4; Appendices 2-3

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Resource 7: Friendship (Lessons 1 & 2)

Learning and Teaching Materials

Preface

As the saying goes, “Depend on parents at home, rely on friends outside.”, friends play an indispensable role in the life of every one of us. Friendship has a far-reaching impact on the growth of adolescents. Sincere friendship will benefit us for life. Through interacting with friends, we can better understand ourselves, enhance interpersonal skill, show more love and care, and become a companion who supports each other. Mutual encouragement and giving advice between friends can be mutually beneficial, allowing us to reflect on ourselves from time to time and to analyse matters from different angles.

Friendship grows from knowing and understanding each other. Friendships should not be categorised by ages, backgrounds or nationalities, and like-minded people can become friends. It is normal for us to have friends with different levels of intimacy.

How to change from an acquaintance to a close friend is a lesson we must learn. The quality of friendship should be more important than how many friends we have. Instead of having a bunch of nodding acquaintances, it is better to have a few intimate friends.

Chasing the objective of making a lot of friends all over the world will only result in neglecting the most important people around us. We should learn to make friends with people of good character. When choosing friends, we must also examine ourselves, interact with others in a sincere and respectful attitude, add value to ourselves to become a role model to others, and strive to become a friend that others can rely on.

As we interact with friends every day, we will be influenced by them in one way or another. For example, friends usually share some similarities including language, clothing, hobbies, values, etc. As young people value others’ affirmation and recognition, in order not to be isolated and excluded by friends, they may give up their own values to cater for others’ requirements or even conform to others’ requirements blindly in order to gain acceptance by peers. Therefore, we need to learn how to deal with peer pressure, so that we can deal with peer pressure carefully, while enjoying learning and growing with peers.

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Worksheet 1: The importance of friendship to personal growth

Friends are an indispensable part of life. We live in groups and we need connection with and company of friends on the journey of life to overcome loneliness and difficulties.

Friends are not only a kind of social relationship, but also the emotional support of people. It can be seen from the ancient oracle bone inscription " " that "friends" are two hands holding each other, representing mutual help, just like left and right hands.

Therefore, friends do not only play together and cooperate with each other, but also share all the joys and worries, as well as support, encourage and care for each other. In the stage theory of friendship development put forward by developmental psychologist Robert Selman, the development of friendships in children and adolescents can be divided into five stages, namely “momentary physical interaction”, “one-way assistance”, “fair-weather cooperation”, “intimate and mutual sharing”, and

“autonomous interdependence”. Friendship will change with age and intellectual development.

Teenagers entering adolescence see friendship as an autonomous and interdependent emotion. At junior secondary level, most people belong to the stage of intimacy and mutual sharing. In addition to reciprocal cooperation, friends can also share secrets and emotions. Starting from the age of 12, young people learn to deal with their own behaviours and interpersonal relationships, so they should learn how to build true friendships with others. As we grow up and our social circle expands, we gradually have our own space for developing friendship, while respecting that our friends develop friendship with other people. While we cooperate with other people, we maintain personal autonomy, maintaining a proper balance between the two and forming

“autonomous interdependence”.

Fig. 1 Stage theory of friendship development

Sources: WU Ming Long, SU Su Mei (2020); Selman (1981).

The teacher asks students to finish Worksheets 1-2 before class and to discuss and share their work during class.

1st Stage

Age 3-6

momentary physical interaction E.g., He is my friend because we both have long hair.

2nd Stage

Age 5-9

one-way assistance

E.g., He is my good friend because he lent me a bicycle.

3rd Stage

Age 7-12

fair- weather cooperation

E.g., He helps me make cakes, and I help him build models.

4th Stage

(Age 10-15)

intimate and mutual

sharing E.g., He is my friend, and we share common interests.

5th Stage

(Age 12- Adolescence)

autonomous inter- dependence E.g., He rejected me.

There must be his reason.

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The functions of friendship

Friendship in adolescence is particularly important to personal development. Different types of friends have their own functions. Psychologists Mendelson and Aboud proposed six functions of friendship, including stimulating companionship, help, intimacy, reliable alliance, self-validation, and emotional security. They specifically describe the functions of friendship in daily lives and how they help personal growth, which help us understand that friends play an important role in the growth journey.

Fig. 2 Functions of friendship

Sources: Bagwell and Schmidt (2013); Mendelson and Aboud (1999, 2012).

• We need the company of others in situations like gatherings of friends, social activities of eating, drinking and playing, learning and exchanges, etc. We can do something interesting with friends and enjoy the good times together.

Stimulating Companionship

• Friends can provide advice, guidance and assistance, and help each other.

Help

• Friends will not be scared to tell each other the truth. They become bosom friends and share innermost feelings.

Intimacy

• True friends are loyal, reliable and trusting, and will not betray each other.

Reliable Alliance

• Friends encourage and praise each other, feel their own uniqueness and differences, affirm self-worth, and promote happiness.

Self- validation

• Friends can provide support in difficult times to make us feel safer and more comfortable, and dare to face adversities and challenges in life.

Emotional Security

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Activity 1:Have your friendship

We learn how to get along with others and share our feelings through developing friendships with others. Friends do things together and from such various experiences with friends, we gain joys and benefits. When we think carefully, it is not difficult to find that these joys come from different functions of friendship. Read the following situations and put a tick "✓" in the appropriate box to indicate the function of friendship involved in each of the situations (you can choose more than one box for each situation).

Situation Function(s) of

friendship

1. I found acnes on my face earlier, which bothered me a lot.

Fortunately, Chi Hang comforted me and explained to me that it is normal to have acnes during puberty. He also has acnes. He advised me not to worry too much and shared facial cleansing routine for acnes with me. I do not care so much about acnes on my face now.

 Simulating Companionship

Help

Intimacy

 Reliable Alliance

 Self-validation

 Emotional Security

2. I am curious to hear that everyone around me is talking about love matters, but I don’t want to ask my family or teachers for advice for fear of being misunderstood by them. Fortunately, Siu Tong and Ka Yeung talked to me and advised me to make more friends, broaden my social circle, and do not rush to think about love issues.

 Simulating Companionship

Help

Intimacy

Reliable Alliance

 Self-validation

 Emotional Security

3. My grades in science have dropped, and my parents are disappointed. I also feel unhappy. Fortunately, Man Man supported and encouraged me and suggested that we do revision together so that I can ask her if I have any questions.

 Simulating Companionship

Help

Intimacy

 Reliable Alliance

 Self-validation

Emotional Security

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4. I recently discovered that the success rate of booking public sports venues online is very high during a certain period, so I shared the information with my friends. They were all amazed at my discovery and asked how I discovered it. I am very happy and proud of this.

 Simulating Companionship

Help

 Intimacy

 Reliable Alliance

Self-validation

 Emotional Security 5. Wai Ching has a strong memory and

can tell the names of the emperors mentioned in Chinese History textbooks in order, so I asked her for advice. Not only that she was not arrogant at all but was very patient in teaching me the memory method and how she uses it in daily revision. After trying it, I found it has worked very well.

 Simulating Companionship

Help

 Intimacy

 Reliable Alliance

 Self-validation

 Emotional Security

6. I failed to hand in homework many times and was punished by the teacher.

I had to stay after class to do revision.

I thought I would miss playing with my classmates, but they unexpectedly stayed in the classroom to study with me, and the time seemed to pass very fast.

 Simulating Companionship

Help

 Intimacy

 Reliable Alliance

 Self-validation

Emotional Security 7. I played ball in the classroom and

accidentally broke the window. The teacher recorded the incident in the student’s handbook and asked my parents to see it and sign. I was afraid of being scolded by my family, so I was thinking of forging my parent’s signature. Fortunately, Ting Pong advised me not to make mistakes again and again, to be honest in life and to bear the consequences.

Although I was scolded by my family, I felt at ease because I was being honest with them.

 Simulating Companionship

Help

 Intimacy

 Reliable Alliance

 Self-validation

Emotional Security

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8. Recently, the Kai-fong Welfare Association organised a volunteer recruitment activity. I hope that I can help those in need during my spare time and at the same time enrich my volunteer experience. But I was worried that I could not adapt to the unfamiliar environment alone.

Fortunately, Ming Fai took the initiative to sign up with me. I felt very relieved.

Simulating Companionship

 Help

 Intimacy

 Reliable Alliance

 Self-validation

Emotional Security

9. Once, due to a misunderstanding, I was misunderstood by all the classmates, and some of them started to keep me at a distance. At that time, only Siu Fan took the initiative to clarify to the classmates for me. She also stayed with me and showed her caring. I sincerely thank her for her trust and support.

 Simulating Companionship

 Help

 Intimacy

Reliable Alliance

 Self-validation

Emotional Security

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Activity 2: The importance of friends

People have the desire to pursue harmonious interpersonal relationships and friendships and hope that others will like them and accept them. The need to establish and maintain friendly and intimate relationships with others is called ‘need for affiliation’. Through contact and communication with friends, we can get emotional support and the feeling of being cared. Because the need for affiliation emphasises communication and understanding between each other, getting along with friends can also help young people understand themselves, improve interpersonal communication and social skills, and broaden their horizons.

Fig. 3 Importance of friends

1. Understand oneself

• Through getting along with friends, deepen your understanding of yourself, such as strengths and weaknesses, preferences, abilities, etc.

2. Improve self-esteem and confidence

• The support and encouragement of friends can help increase the sense of security, self-esteem and self-confidence.

3. Build a sense of belonging

• Meet like-minded friends, get the attention and recognition of others, become part of the group, and build a sense of belonging.

4. Develop social skills

• In the process of interacting with friends, learn to respect and accept others, use empathy and think, observe and judge from the other's perspective, cultivate social and communication skills, and establish good interpersonal relationships and social skills.

5. Broaden horizons

• When talking and sharing with friends, draw different opinions, learn to think from different angles, and broaden horizons.

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Refer to the above, read the following dialogues carefully, and then answer the questions.

5.

6.

Chi Fung

Hoi Kit Ka Wai

May Lan 1. Ka Wai, Thank

you for your encouragement. I have confidence to participate in the inter-school speech competition.

2. Chi Fung, I also received your wish card.

Thank you for your

appreciation of my strengths.

3. May Lan, Thank you for recommending me to the teacher. I am honored to be a school prefect, just like you.

Please help and advise me.

4. Hoi Kit, Thank you for reminding me to take care of my parents' feelings so that Ihave learned how to get along well with my parents.

5. Hoi Kei, instead of sitting and day- dreaming, why not go to the library with me to borrow some booksfor reference.

6. Pak Ho, You are right! You are really my mentor and helpful friend!

Hoi Kei Pak Ho

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Put a tick "✓" in the appropriate box to indicate how friends are important for each of the situations in the above dialogues and give the reason(s).

Character Importance of friends Reason(s)

1. Chi Fung

Understand oneself

 Improve self-esteem and confidence

 Build a sense of belonging

 Develop social skills

 Broaden horizons

Chi Fung told Kai Wai to know her strengths.

2. Kai Wai  Understand oneself

Improve self-esteem and confidence

 Build a sense of belonging

 Develop social skills

 Broaden horizons

Kai Wai encouraged Chi Fung and helped him feel confident to participate in the inter-school speech competition.

3. Hoi Kit  Understand oneself

 Improve self-esteem and confidence

 Build a sense of belonging

Develop social skills

 Broaden horizons

Hoi Kit often reminds May Lan to take care of her parents' feelings so that she has learned how to get along with her parents.

4. May Lan  Understand oneself

 Improve self-esteem and confidence

Build a sense of belonging

 Develop social skills

 Broaden horizons

May Lan recommended Hoi Kit to the teacher so that they could serve as prefects together. Hoi Kit felt he was being

recognised by the teacher.

5. Pak Ho  Understand oneself

 Improve self-esteem and confidence

 Build a sense of belonging

 Develop social skills

Broaden horizons

Pak Ho reminded Hoi Kei that she could borrow books from the library for reference.

6. Hoi Kei

Understand oneself

 Improve self-esteem and confidence

 Build a sense of belonging

 Develop social skills

 Broaden horizons

Hoi Kei praised Pak Ho for being a good teacher and helpful friend and let Pak Ho know his

strengths.

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Reflective Question:

1. Try to think about a happy moment you shared with a good friend. How important is that friend to you?

For example:

- I have a good girl friend. We do sports together; exchange reading experience and share innermost feelings. She will pay me compliments, support me, encourage me, help keep my secrets, and even give me timely advice. She not only helps me deepen understanding of myself, enhance my self-esteem and confidence, and broaden my horizons, but also helps me make progress and strive to improve myself.

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Summary

Teenagers are at the stage of exploring their identities and acquiring acceptance of themselves. They like to get together with peers who are close to their age. There are no restrictions on topics among peers, so it is easy for teenagers to express their personal opinions. Through comparing differences between friends, they understand better their own personalities, abilities, and characteristics, and find their own identities and roles.

Moreover, for peers of similar age and thinking, they have equal status in the relationship, which will make it easier to evoke a feeling of shared emotion or belief with each other. Due to the above reason, they are willing to talk frankly with each other.

The mutual care and support between peers strengthen the sense of security during the growth period and provides emotional support.

Compliments from friends can give us a sense of satisfaction, and help us understand ourselves more deeply, enhance self- confidence, and build a higher sense of self-esteem. Sometimes we like to compare with friends, observe their merits or strengths, and learn from them. When we are confused, the comments and opinions of friends can provide alternative

perspectives, allowing us to think outside the box and learn to think about things in different ways. Getting together with friends allows us to learn to accept, tolerate and become considerate of others, develop harmonious interpersonal relationships, and improve communication and social skills. However, if young people lack the nourishment of friendship, they will easily feel anxious, lonely and at a loss. Therefore, friendship is vital to healthy personal growth.

Friendship allows us to identify our uniqueness and establish our personal identities.

Friendship is also a source of emotional support and interactions with friends will help broaden our horizons. Let us work together to become each other's good friends and enjoy the happiness that friendship brings us!

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Worksheet 2: Building friendship Different types of friends

Have you ever envied others who have lots of friends? Or when you encounter failure and frustration, you find that even if you have hundreds of friends, there are very few friends who will treat you with sincerity and whom you can confide in. Because of this, would you feel lonely or helpless? In fact, when it comes to friendship, quality is more important than quantity. Having a small number of close friends is much more important than having a large group of friends to spend time with. Moreover, it is common that we have friends of different levels of intimacy. In 1992, Robin Dunbar suggested that the number of friends a person has in his/her life time is limited, and friends can be grouped according to the different levels of closeness and interpersonal interactions. Dunbar pointed out that because of the limitation of the human brain, we can only know, trust and rely on 150 friends, which is called Dunbar’s Number or Rule of 150. According to the degree of intimacy, six types of friends can be identified, including “loved ones”, “good friends”, “friends”, “meaningful contacts”,

“acquaintances” and “people you can recognise”. Dunbar pointed out that the average number of friends identified by people as the closest is only five people.

Fig. 4 Dunbar’s Number Source: Dunbar (2010).

1500 500 150

50 15

Loved ones

5

Good friends Friends Meaningful contacts

Acquaintances People you can recognise

Have met before but don’t know each other well

Contact occasionally, and will get together sometimes

Can get along and will meet to do things together

See frequently, but not a true confidant

Can share innermost feelings with and turn to for comfort, and share same thoughts

Closest friends, with deep relationship and many common experiences

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Activity 1: Friends are so different?

Living in society, people have a variety of interpersonal relationships. They may have a lot of “friends” when the word “friends” is used in a broad sense. Among these friends, the types, degrees of closeness and the levels of relationships may be very different;

and the pleasure and benefits gained from getting together with them will not be the same. Refer to Dunbar’s Number, divide your friends into categories of different relationships and estimate the number of friends in each category. Show your current circles of friends in drawing.

My Circles of Friends

For example: good friends/bad friends/ buddies 15

For example: people you know/nodding friends/hi-bye friends 200

For example:

close friends/

confidants/best friends 3

For example: best friends 5 People you can recognise

________

For example: ordinary friends/fair- weather friends/Wi-Fi friends 10 For example: acquaintances/online

friends/IG friends 500

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Reflective Question:

1. After completing “My Circles of Friends”, what are your new discoveries about friendship?

- I found that there are different types of friends in my circles of friends, and their numbers are also different. I know that in general, I have less contact with “people I can recognise” and “acquaintances”, and also, I will not share secrets with them. I mostly spend time eating, drinking, and playing with “meaningful contacts” and “friends”. I will only share my thoughts with my “good friends” and “loved ones” and we support each other.

- I find that the time we can spend on nurturing friendship is limited, so I should be more cautious about making friends and cherish the relationship with each other, so that my dear friends can always be part of my life.

Summary

As the saying goes: “It is enough to have a confidant in life whom you can be very close with and confide everything in”. It means a confidant is hard to come by in one’s life.

A confidant is someone who will offer help and support to you in times of hardship, and you can even entrust your life to that person. Lu Xun regarded Qu Qiubai as a confidant. At the time when Lu Xun was bitterly condemned by literati from all sectors, only Qu Qiubai chose to support Lu Xun without fear of himself being jointly attacked by others. Therefore, Lu Xun gave this couplet as gift to Qu Qiubai to thank him, and this strongest friendship story ever has a lasting impact on people for generations.

The best way to make friends is to be able to understand each other's true needs, and to be considerate of and caring for each other. For friends, it is not the quantity, but the quality that matters. Bai Juyi once said, “For bosom friends, how many can we have in a lifetime?” Therefore, we should seize the time to communicate with friends, establish a relationship of mutual trust, and become each other's confidant, instead of pursuing the goal of making a lot of friends.

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Know More: Different types of friendships

Traditional Chinese culture values friendships. Therefore, there are many ways to describe friendships. I believe that you have heard many idioms about friendships, such as friends in days of simple life (布衣之交), friendship regardless age gaps (忘年之交), sworn brothers (sisters) (八拜之交), friends with whom you can share life and death (

頸之交), like-minded friends (莫逆之交) and others. The following is an introduction to the idiom story of “bosom friends” (「知音之交」).

In the Warring States Period, there was a Chu people named YU Boya. After he had studied heptachord from his teacher for many years and showed his talent, his teacher thought that there was nothing more to teach and therefore encouraged Boya to go to a distant place to look for his own teacher, so that Boya could learn to express his feelings through the sound of the heptachord. During the process of looking for his own teacher, Boya met his lifelong friend ZHONG Ziqi. Although Ziqi was only a woodcutter and did not know about the rhythm of the heptachord, he liked listening to music very much.

He could accurately hear the ideas expressed by Boya’ heptachord every time.

Therefore, they became bosom friends gradually. Ziqi died young, and Boya was so grieved that he decided to cut the strings and not to play the heptachord again. Needless to say, it is not easy to find a bosom friend. But before that, we should first learn to make friends carefully. As the saying goes, “one who stays near vermilion gets stained red, and one who stays near ink gets stained black”. It means the moral characters of your friends will affect what kind of a person you will become. When you have the same moral characters and interests, you can become bosom friends.

Source of the picture: www. coozhi.com (2018).

Appendix 1

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Activity 2: Secret book on choosing friends

How to choose friends?

Good friendship requires a long time of adjustment, common experiences, and more importantly, the harmony brought by mutual interests, thoughts, and values, in order for both parties to win each other’s heart and become good friends. The saying that “If you live with a lame person you will learn to limp” just reminds us of the importance of choosing friends. When it comes to making friends, what conditions do you mostly consider?

Video clip watching

Do you know how to choose friends? Watch the video clip of “It is hard to find a bosom friend (Analects: Selected Reading (II)): Methods of choosing friends” (Time 3:39- 4:50), and then answer the following questions.

1. Fill in the blanks

Please fill in the blanks with the correct answer.

It is hard to find a bosom friend (Analects:

SelectedReading (II)): Methods of choosing friends https://emm.edcity.hk/media/0_mn4jjfu4

Students watch the Educational MultiMedia video “It is hard to find a bosom friend (Analects: Selected Reading (II)):

Methods of choosing friends” and finish the questions before class. And the teacher shall watch the video clip with students again during class, and then the teacher shall discuss the questions in the worksheet with students.

Three good friends

straightforward friend

honest friend

learned friend

Three bad friends

crooked friend

flattering friend

smooth-tongued friend

learned friend straightforward friend crooked friend honest friend smooth-tongued friend flattering friend

The teacher may ask the more able students to complete this activity by themselves without providing the words in the dotted box.

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2. According to the Analects, which three kinds of friends are good friends and which three are bad friends?

3. There are many types of friends. The following are some criteria for distinguishing between good friends and bad friends.

i) Please use blue circle to indicate three criteria of good friends which you find most important; and then use red circle to indicate three criteria of bad friends which you find most unacceptable.

ii) Please fill in other criteria of good or bad friends not mentioned in the table in the blank spaces provided.

easy-going popular with classmates

often lose

temper impolite achieve good

grades

strong athletic

ability good-looking tell lies optimistic give timely

advice

often keep me company

tolerant and considerate integrity flattering often late for

social meetings empathy helpful smooth-tongued humorous knowledgeable

like-minded straightforward blaming of similar age

live nearby

(please fill in by yourself)

(please fill in by yourself)

(please fill in by yourself)

respect your choice

(please fill in by yourself)

(please fill in by yourself)

(please fill in by yourself) Good friends refer to friends who are straightforward, honest and learned.

Bad friends refer to friends who are crooked, flattering and smooth-tongued.

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4. Refer to the table in Question 3, rank the three chosen criteria of good friends according to the degree of importance, and explain why these criteria are important.

Good friends

Ranked in order of importance

Criteria Reason(s)

1st

Tolerant and considerate

- Tolerant and considerate of my shortcomings, so that I don't have to be afraid of saying something wrong and make others angry.

2nd

Often keep me company

- Able to often keep me company and we can experience joy and sorrow together, so that I no longer feel lonely.

3rd

Humorous - Funny and humorous friends can keep me in a good mood.

5. Refer to the table in Question 3, rank the three chosen criteria of bad friends according to the degree of unacceptability and explain why these criteria are important.

Bad Friends

Ranked in order of

unacceptability

Criteria Reason(s)

1st

Tell lies - I hate people cheating on me.

2nd

Often late for social meetings

- I don't like wasting time to wait for others.

3rd

Often lose temper - People who often lose their temper make me at a loss.

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Questions for discussion:

1. When will you feel having good friends is important?

- When I feel upset, I realise that friends are important to me. Every time I talk to a friend and my friend listens and shows understanding, or even gives me valuable advice, which makes me feel that having a friend who understands and shows consideration for me is a very happy thing.

2. What impacts will incautiously making bad friends have on the future?

- Getting together with bad friends will make me feel weak and helpless. Also, I will be easily influenced by them with the result that I may blindly follow their thoughts and values, and develop bad habits or inappropriate beaviours.

Summary

Friendship is especially important to the growth of young people. How to choose friends is a course we must go through. When we have made good friends, we not only obtain sincere friendship, but also get emotional support and company from it, and develop into an intimate relationship of mutual communication and support. “The Analects of Confucius” said that “making good friends is a joy in life”. When we regard our good friends as our teachers, we can learn from each other’s

strengths; when we take good friends as a mirror, we can make up for our own shortcomings. On the contrary, making friends carelessly can bring harm to themselves at any time, and even serious consequences. Therefore, we should avoid teaming up with bad friends. Just like the story of Guan Ning. When Guan Ning was determined to learn, Hua Xin only admired prosperity and wealth, so Guan Ning resolutely broke off the relationship with Hua Xin by cutting apart the mat on which they were usually sitting when studying.

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Activity 3: Any great ideas for maintaining friendship?

After choosing friends carefully, the next step for young people to learn is to maintain friendship. People often say that maintaining friendship is a big topic in life, and it is also a major challenge, because friendship requires careful nurturing to establish long-lasting intimacy.

Read the following story carefully, and then answer the questions.

International Day of Friendship:

Stealing from father to help friends

On the “International Friendship Day”, a 15-year-old teenager in India stole the 4.6 million rupees (about HK$510,000) that his father, an architect, put at home and sent the money to his friends as gifts to celebrate friendship. According to the friendship list provided by the teenager, the police found that the teenager gave 300,000 rupees (approximately HK$33,000) to a friend who often did homework for him; and 1.5 million rupees (approximately HK$160,000) to a friend from a poor family. The remaining money was spent on buying mobile phones and silver bracelets for 35 classmates. The police had contacted the recipients one by one according to the list and told the parents of the five students who received the largest amounts to return the money within five days but found that the boy who received 1.5 million rupees could not be reached.

Source: POPNEWS (2018-8-17); Haiwainet (2018-8-17)

• Don’t know how to get acquainted with friends and feel lonely.

• Poor relationship with friends, feeling left

out or excluded.

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1. Why did the son in the case send money and gifts to friends on the “International Day of Friendship”?

He wants to celebrate and maintain the relationship with friends by giving out money and gifts.

2. Following up on Question 1, what are the undesirable consequences of his actions?

Friendship maintained through material benefits is fragile. In addition, stealing is a serious crime. It not only makes the family sad but will also destroy his future.

3. What do you think how friendship should be maintained?

Friends should treat each other with a sincere attitude and respect, as well as appreciate, accept, tolerate and help each other.

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Maintaining friendship

Maintaining friendship is not based on material benefits. If we only consider what benefits we can get from the other party when making friends, this kind of friendship is destined to be short-lived and fragile. When one party can no longer bring benefits to the other one, the friendship will break up, and the break-up may even create resentment. To cultivate a deep emotional relationship in friendship, it should be built on mutual affirmation, trust and respect, sincere communication, care, and concern for each other, and offers of help at the right time.

The following are five ways to maintain friendship.

It is recommended that we respond positively to each other when making friends to ensure that the friendship can become mature and meaningful.

Fig. 5 Ways to maintain friendship

•Friendship needs to be nurtured in order to thrive. Contact your friend regularly to learn about each other's latest

situation and

development, which can build intimacy in the relationship.

Contact regularly

•When a friend is in need, take the initiative to offer assistance or emotional support to strengthen the friendship.

Provide assistance

•Organise more activities to nurture social connection and create good memories for everyone.

Create common fond memories

•When friendship becomes stagnant or even starts to fade, we should stay positive and take the initiative to connect with our friend and then wait patiently for our friend's response.

Stay positive

•If we have a conflict with a friend, we should remain calm and rational, discuss frankly, and stay open to each other's viewpoints. In this way, we will understand each other better and develop a closer relationship.

Be tolerant of each other

Know More

In “The Sixth Letter: Making Bosom Friends” of the “32 Letters by Morgan to His Son”, John Pierpont Morgan observed that “You must extend warm hands to your friends, spend more of your spare time to show consideration for and care for your friends.

Source: LIN Wangdao (2019).

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Harming friendship

The following are five behaviours that endanger friendship. They remind us that friendship requires careful management and sincere commitment, otherwise we will not have lasting friendship.

Fig. 6 Behaviours harming friendship

Refer to the above, try to tick a "✓" in the appropriate box to indicate behaviours that help maintain friendship (you can choose more than one).

Help revise school work

Contact often

Cheat friends for money

 Give encouragement and

support

Share secrets

Appreciate and praise each other

Provide positive and joyous messages

Force someone to give a gift

Write down each other's matters

Help plagiarise someone’s homework

Persuade and advise

Take the initiative to ask friends to go out

Make fun of friends

Take the initiative to send messages of comfort

Say hurtful words to friends

•Jealous that friends are better than oneself and produce the desire to harm, like belittling friends' achievements,

or even making

ridiculous or derogatory remarks on friends.

Jealous behaviours

•Often make fun of friends, criticise them, or even tease and slander them, which will hurt the friends' feelings and also destroy mutual trust.

Behaviours that hurt the feelings of friends

•Mutual help between friends focus only on rewards and benefits, which is not a healthy sign of friendship and

will harm the

relationship.

Behaviours that focuse only on benefits

•Often cancel plans at the last minute, and even treat friends as "back-up friends" to fill their time slots, which will gradually drain the patience of friends.

Behaviours that put friends down

•Strongly insist on own opinions in everything,

ask friends to

accommodate their thoughts, and complain or even blame friends when encountering something which is not as one wishes.

Self-centred behaviours

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Read the following cases carefully, and then answer the questions.

Case 1: Little things that ruin friendship Chun Ming and Lai Fan are classmates. One day, when Lai Fan was about to put things back to the locker, she accidentally dropped the books all over the floor. When Chun Ming saw it, he laughed at her and made fun of her, saying she was clumsy, unable to hold even a single thing, and good grades are not everything. Then he went away without offering any help.

1. Do you think Chun Ming’s behaviour will maintain or harm the friendship? (Put a tick “✓” in the appropriate box to indicate the correct answer) Please specify the reason(s).

maintain

harm

Reason(s): Chun Ming only laughed, and didn't help Lai Fan.

2. Refer to the content of Case 1 and complete the following table.

What happened to Lai Fan?

How did Chun Ming react?

Values/attitudes shown - Lai Fan

accidentally dropped something and the situation was embarassing.

- Chun Ming laughed at Lan Fan and made fun of her, and left without offering help.

- Teasing

- Jealousy (saying hurtful words to Lai Fan who achieved good grades in school work) - Selfish (didn't

provide assistance to Lai Fan in need)

3. What would you suggest Chun Ming can do?

- Chun Ming can find out if Lai Fan is injured, comfort her and help her stand up. Then he can help her pick up her things, and talk to her about other topics to distract from the embarrassing situation.

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Case 2: Friends in close contact

Recently, Ming Keung found that he was not keeping up with his school work. He did not know what to do and felt very anxious. When Ming Keung and Yu May talked on the phone as usual, Yu May said that she noticed Ming Keung’s problem. Yu May then showed her care for Ming Keung by taking the initiative to invite Ming Keung to revise with her every day after school.

1. Do you think Yu May's behaviour will maintain or harm the friendship? (Put a tick

“✓” in the appropriate box to indicate the correct answer) Please specify the reason(s).

maintain

harm

Reason(s): Yu Mei noticed Ming Keung’s problem in school work and offered to help.

2. Refer to the content of Case 2 and complete the following table.

What happened to Ming Keung?

How did Yu May react?

Values/attitudes shown

- Was under academic pressure and felt

anxious and

helpless.

Kept in touch with Ming Keung, paid attention to Ming Keung's situation, expressed care and concern for Ming Keung’s problem, and supported him with practical actions.

- Active - Caring - Mutual help

- Selfless contribution

3. What would you suggest Ming Keung should do?

- Ming Keung should thank Yu May for her help. He should see Yu May as role model and actively help other classmates in need by showing care and concern for them and offering assistance.

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Case 3: Breaking promises

Lai Yung, May Yan, and Man Kei are good friends.

They often chat and share their innermost feelings.

Once, Lai Yung and May Yan promised Man Kei that they would keep her secret. Despite the promise to keep Man Kei’s secret, they shared the secret with other classmates in order to draw their attention and win their friendship. When Man Kei confronted them with what they had done, Lai Yung and May Yan made a lot of excuses and said that Man Kei’s secret was not a big deal.

1. Do you think the behaviour of Lai Yung and May Yan will maintain or harm the friendship? (Put a tick “✓” in the appropriate box to indicate the correct answer) Please specify the reason(s).

maintain

harm

Reason(s): Lai Yung and May Yan did not keep their promise, and even revealed Man Kei’s secret to win other people’s friendship.

2. Refer to the content of Case 3 and complete the following table.

What happened to Man Kei?

How did Lai Yung and May Yan react?

Values/attitudes shown

- Man Kei’s close friends Lai Yung and May Yan had promised to keep her secret.

However, they betrayed her by sharing her secret

with other

classmates.

- Made up a lot of excuses and said Man Kei’s secret was not a big deal in order to evade their responsibility in the matter.

- Lack of integrity - Lack of empathy

3. What would you suggest Lai Yung and May Yan should do?

- Lai Yung and May Yan should apologise to Man Kei and promise to keep secrets in the future and be honest and considerate of friends.

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Know More: Friendship troubles and corresponding solutions

The many things that we went through with our friends are part of our memories of growing up. Sometimes, conflicts between friends arise because of different ideas, behaviours, requirements and evaluations, or misunderstandings, disagreements and arguments caused by different opinions. Although these incidents will affect the relationship among friends, they also give us the opportunity to grow up and be more mature. What is important is that we should stay calm and rational, find out the problems, and then actively work with our friends to confront and deal with the problems. Only in this way can we learn to grow up and jointly establish a friendship that can stand the test of time.

Fig. 7 Friendship troubles and corresponding solutions

Self-support Tips

交友的煩惱

Not close enough with friends Appendix 2

Friendship Troubles

Source: Excerpted and adapted from Student Health Service, Department of Health, The Government of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region (2015); Student Stress Management Platform (undated).

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Summary

As our age and life experience increases with years, we will meet friends of different types and friends of different levels of closeness. Remember, friendship does not happen instantly. Friendship deepens when shared experiences between friends accumulate over time. It takes time for acquaintances to become intimate friends.

Friendship forever sounds wonderful, but it is not easy to maintain it. To keep friendship strong, we need to help and love each other, respect each other, have empathy, understand our friends from their perspectives, and be considerate of each other’s difficulties. We may misunderstand each other due to some reasons or may argue over trivial matters, causing the relationship to fall apart. But

as long as we communicate with each other in a sincere manner, tolerate and trust each other, we believe that we will finally be reconciled with each other.

What matters most in friendship is communication which connects the heart and soul of friends. Friendship is not differentiated by the status of people involved or the distance between them. Also, strong friendship will not be easily influenced by material benefits. Friendship that is built on material benefits or rewards is likely to be superficial and short-lived. It will end when one or more of the people involved is not able to benefit from the relationship. True friendship requires giving. One needs to think about what one can give to enhance the relationship.

Figure

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References

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