短期交換經驗與自我認同之變化：一位台灣英教研究生之個案研究 - 政大學術集成

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(1)國立政治大學英國語文學系碩士班碩士論文. 指導教授：招靜琪博士 Advisor：Chin-chi Chao, Ph.D.. 短期交換經驗與自我認同之變化：. 學. 一位台灣英教研究生之個案研究. ‧. ‧ 國. 立. 政治大. sit. y. Nat. How a Short-Term Study-Abroad Experience Changed a. io. er. Taiwanese TESOL Student's Language Learner/Teacher Identity: Insights from Social Identity Theory. n. al. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. 研究生:莫哈妮撰 Name: Haneen Abu Hmeidan 中華民國一〇八年七月 July, 2019. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(2) How a Short-Term Study-Abroad Experience Changed a Taiwanese TESOL Student's Language Learner/Teacher Identity: Insights from Social Identity Theory. 立. A Master’s Thesis Presented to. 政治大. Department of English,. ‧. ‧ 國. 學 National Chengchi University. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. v i n C h In Partial Fulfillment engchi U. Of the Requirements for the Degree of Master of Arts. By Haneen Abu Hmeidan June, 2019. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(3) 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(4) To Professor Chin-chi Chao 獻給我的恩師招靜琪教授. 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. III. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(5) ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I would like to take this opportunity to express my deep sense of gratitude to all those people without whom this project could have never been completed. First and foremost, I would like to thank my parents and siblings for their. 治政 inexhaustible source of inspiration and support. 大立 ‧ 國. 學. I would like to extend my gratitude and appreciation to my advisor, mentor. ‧. and guide Dr. Chin-chi Chao. Her constant guidance, support, encouragement and. sit er. io. to conclusion.. y. Nat. advice, flavored with a great positive mindset, played a vital role in bringing this work. al. n. v i n C and every one of myUbeloved professors, whom I would also like to thank each h engchi enlightened and inspired me throughout my time in NCCU, and helped me become the confident teacher I am today. And finally, many thanks and appreciation go to my classmates and dear friends, Vivian Luo and Howard Chen whom have been a great help and support throughout my M.A. journey.. IV. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(6) TABLE OF CONTENTS ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ....................................................................................IV CHINESE ABSTRACT ....................................................................................... VIII ABSTRACT ............................................................................................................IX CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION ....................................................................... 1. 政治大 CHAPTER TWO: LITERATURE REVIEW ........................................................... 5 立. ‧ 國. 學. Academic Competency .................................................................................. 6 Personal Development ................................................................................... 7. ‧. sit. y. Nat. Cultural and Cross-Cultural Improvements ................................................... 8. n. al. er. io. Social Identity Theory .................................................................................... 9. i n U. v. Taiwanese English Teachers in Taiwan and Studying Abroad .................... 13. Ch. engchi. CHAPTER THREE: METHODOLOGY ................................................................ 17 Context and Participant ................................................................................ 17 Data Collection............................................................................................. 18 Data Analysis ............................................................................................... 19 Time-line ...................................................................................................... 20 CHAPTER FOUR: FINDINGS .............................................................................. 23. V. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(7) Jean’s Story .................................................................................................. 23 During college. ......................................................................................... 24 During her time as a student-teacher. ....................................................... 28 Right before the exchange. ....................................................................... 31. 政治大 The beginning of the exchange……….………..….…..…33 立. The exchange. ........................................................................................... 33. ‧ 國. 學. The middle of the exchange……………………………...39 By the end of the exchange………………………......…..47. ‧. After the exchange: Her career and personality. ...................................... 50. y. Nat. al. er. io. sit. CHAPTER FIVE: DISCUSSION ........................................................................... 61. v. n. Personal Identity........................................................................................... 61. Ch. engchi. i n U. Assertion 1 ................................................................................................ 61 Assertion 2 ................................................................................................ 63 Social Identity .............................................................................................. 65 Assertion 3. ............................................................................................... 65 Social Categorization ................................................................................... 67 Assertion 4 ................................................................................................ 67 CHAPTER SIX: CONCLUSION ........................................................................... 73 VI. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(8) Overview of the Study ................................................................................. 73 Pedagogical Implication ............................................................................... 74 Limitations and Suggestions for Future Research ....................................... 76 Concluding Remarks .................................................................................... 76. 政治大 APPENDIX A: INTERVIEW QUESTIONS .......................................................... 87 立 REFERENCES ........................................................................................................ 79. ‧ 國. 學. The First Interview ....................................................................................... 87. ‧. The Second Interview .................................................................................. 88. sit. y. Nat. The Third Interview ..................................................................................... 89. n. al. er. io. APPENDIX B: INFORMED CONSENT FORM ................................................... 91. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. VII. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(9) 國立政治大學英國語文學系碩士班碩士論文摘要. 論文名稱: 短期交換經驗與自我認同之變化：一位台灣英教研究生之個案研究指導教授: 招靜琪博士. 立. 研究生: 莫哈妮. ‧ 國. 學. 論文提要內容:. 政治大. 出國留、遊學是許多學生期待的經歷。然而，他們可能沒有意識到這種. ‧. 跨文化經驗有可能對自身文化認同和群際關係帶來重大改變。儘管已有研究探. y. Nat. 討旅居者在海外交換經驗中可能面臨的過程和轉變，但針對英語教學所碩士生. sit. 同時身為語言學習者及未來教師雙重身分的交換經驗，則尚未得到充分的關注. er. io. 與研究。本研究以社會認同理論（SIT）的角度，探討一位台灣英語教學所碩士. al. v i n Ch 語學習者和教師身份的影響。研究資料來源包含四次深入性的訪談、研究參與 engchi U 者的日記以及其部落格內容。研究結果凸顯社會認同理論中的兩個面向：第一 n. 生如何在美國交換期間應對她的跨文化遭遇，以及研究這樣的經歷對她作為英. 個是社會性歸類和社會性比較對自尊方面的作用，加上內團體偏私和外團體貶抑的影響（Tajfel ＆Turner，1986）；第二個是特定跨文化多樣性的各種不同影響。這些影響與變化使個案對自己身為一位專業的英語教師更有自信，因為她消除了來自於本身非英語母語人士而產生的焦慮，並接受了自己是台灣人和雙語使用者的身分。本研究針對英語教學所碩士生參與國際交換提供建議，協助其在出國留、遊學前，增加對此趟旅程的可能經歷的認識，以期能從交流經驗中獲益。關鍵字: 短期國外學習、交換計畫、英語教學主修、教師自我概念、學習者自我概念、社會自我概念。 VIII. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(10) ABSTRACT Studying abroad is an experience that many students look forward to. However, they may not be aware that this cross-cultural experience could involve major transition and change in cultural identity and intergroup relations. Although research has been done on the process and transitions sojourners might face during the exchange experience, the TESOL graduate student's experience as both a language learner and. 政治大. future teacher has not been fully addressed. This study investigates how a Taiwanese TESOL graduate student coped with her intercultural encounters during exchange in. 立. the U.S. from the eye of the Social Identity Theory (SIT), and the impact such. ‧ 國. 學. experience had on her identity as an English learner and teacher. The data was collected through three extended and in-depth interviews, as well as the participant’s diary and. ‧. blogs. Two aspects are highlighted within the theory, the first being the role of social. y. Nat. categorization and social comparison in relation to self-esteem, coupled with in-group. io. sit. favoritism and out-group derogation (Tajfel and Turner 1986), and the second is the. n. al. er. varied effects of specific cross-cultural diversity. This sort of development has made. i n U. v. her become more confident as a competent English teacher as she broke off the anxiety. Ch. engchi. that emerged from not being a native speaker and accepted herself as a Taiwanese and a bilingual. Suggestions are provided to help TESOL students benefit from exchange experiences by raising awareness to what to expect before study-abroad trip.. Keywords: short-term study-abroad, exchange programs, TESOL major, teacher identity, leaner identity, social identity. IX. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(11) 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(12) CHAPTER ONE Introduction. To study abroad, even for a short period of time, is a potentially life-changing experience in which students leave their original culture to spend time in another and then return, bringing their experiences and changed perspective back with them. Angulo (2008) discovered that approximately 14 days in-country appears to be the learning. 政治大. plateau for students to gain self-awareness (e.g. what they can and cannot handle), while. 立. students report that the experience of studying abroad has brought about changes in their. ‧ 國. 學. personality, including 89% indicating that they were increasingly able to tolerate ambiguity and 98% indicating that they had learned something about themselves (Dwyer,. ‧. 2004).. Nat. sit. y. Studying abroad is so much linked to English language for many reasons; for. n. al. er. io. example, English has become “the key external link” (Phillipson, 1992) in many aspects. i n U. v. of modern life, such as politics, commerce, science, technology, military alliances,. Ch. engchi. entertainment, and tourism. According to the Ministry of Education (MOE) of R.O.C., English proficiency is one of the competences of a global citizen, and the implementation of English as a Foreign Language (EFL) education as a compulsory subject can promote internationalization and enhance national competitiveness after participating in the World Trade Organization (MOE-92-Guideline). Hence, it is not difficult to understand why English itself has gained extreme power and importance over other languages in Taiwan. Thus, with the increased demand and motivation towards learning English language amongst Taiwanese youngsters, for it being the most widely spoken language in 1. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(13) the world which makes it easier to not only travel around, but also increases the chances to find a job, make foreign friends, or even read/watch/understand international media, Taiwanese students --specifically those who are curious about the outside world -- are aware that the first step into wonderland is to learn English properly. And thus, to do so, more and more parents are emphasizing the importance of English learning, and some are even opening the door for their sons and daughters to study abroad and explore the outside world in an immersive setting, while knowing that this “immersive setting” often. 治政大 it becomes pertinent to And thus, with the increase of study abroad participation, 立. leads to identity challenges (Kinginger, 2013).. find information to support these students, for those experiences are not always as pretty. ‧ 國. 學. as they seem. Swagler (2003), for example, investigated the cross-cultural adjustment of. ‧. 25 Taiwanese students attending graduate school in the United States. Regarding their experiences in the United States, the author revealed themes of language barriers,. y. Nat. er. io. sit. confidence about speaking English, social contact with Taiwanese and Americans, and cultural differences, which included the importance of being independent. Other studies. n. al. Ch. i n U. v. (e.g., Anderson, Lawton, Rexeisen, & Hubbard, 2006; Milstein, 2005) have also. engchi. emphasized the benefits as well as the hardships that come along with the studying abroad experience. Therefore, there has been an increase of data and literature within the field. Repeatedly hearing the bewildering and exhilarating descriptions of how people’s identities shifted during their time abroad directed my research interest towards investigating both what these changes are and how the complex conditions of study abroad brought them about. The goal of this paper is to add to the higher education and. 2. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(14) study abroad knowledge bases and will assist future sojourners of TESOL majors in specific, by exploring the possible factors influencing identity development while and after studying abroad. Despite the large number of students abroad and the breadth of the study-abroad literature, there is relatively little work on how this experience resulted in changing the Taiwanese Students of TESOL or English Teacher’s lives and mindsets in both personal and professional manners upon returning to their home countries, their normal lives, and being amongst the people who used belong to the “inner-group”.. 治政 Thus, this proposed study aims to investigate 大 the following two questions: 立. How does a Taiwanese TESOL graduate student cope with the intercultural. 學. ‧ 國. 1.. encounters throughout the exchange?. How does studying abroad experience impact her personality and job as an. ‧. 2.. English teacher?. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. 3. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(15) 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. 4. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(16) CHAPTER TWO Literature Review. In today’s world of higher education, it is vital for the academic programs to deliver demonstrated outcomes and applicability to the real world in order to have them sustained; however, the skills needed for success in today’s world differ from those needed fifteen years ago in that an increasing internationalization of campuses, companies, schools and communities. 治政大allow them to compete in a today need an education that provides them with skills that will 立. is certainly one of the major developments that made a huge difference. Consequently, students. global market with an increasingly educated population. Thus, many researchers have studied. ‧ 國. 學. whether a study abroad experience helps students acquire such skills, and what skills are being. ‧. developed throughout the study abroad experience.. While the specific objectives established for study abroad programs vary from institution. y. Nat. er. io. sit. to institution, academic, personal, and intercultural and cultural competencies are common to virtually all programs (Bennett and Wiseman, 2003). Academic competency focuses on the. n. al. Ch. i n U. v. specific discipline studied, on problem solving and language skills, as well as geographical and. engchi. historical knowledge, etc. (Klak, 2003). Personal development covers activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, enhance the quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations (Aubrey, 2011). And finally, intercultural competency relates to the broad goal of enhancing student appreciation of differences among cultures coupled with the ability to function effectively in a foreign environment (Anderson, 2011). Below is a short review of literature on each of the three key competences expected to develop in study abroad programs.. 5. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(17) Academic Competency After studying abroad, most students never view their education in the same way again. Research has shown that immersion in the target culture is of great value to the learner’s secondlanguage acquisition, especially in improvement of oral proficiency (Ginsberg & Miller, 2000). Other study abroad research has focused on various aspects of acquisition such as sociolinguistic norms, lexical items, and pronunciation and communication strategies, among others. Teachers and learners often agree that one of the best ways to learn a foreign language is. 政治大 using a middle language such as English, but also increases language input and widen the 立. to study abroad (Isabelli, 2004), for studying abroad not only offers the opportunity of interaction. ‧ 國. 學. exposure to the target culture. Many researchers have studied how this experience might affect learners of English. For example, Segalowitz and Freed (2004) have examined how it affected. ‧. learners’ oral fluency. Isabelli (2004) suggested in her paper that it increases lexical and. sit. y. Nat. grammar development. Diaz-Campos (2004) added that it enhances the acquisition of. io. er. phonology, while “reading competence” was added by Brecht et al. (1995). Other researchers. al. like Pellegrino (1998) have found that students who thought they had frequently spoken the. n. iv n C target language while abroad also believed improved their speaking, reading, writing, h ethatnthey gchi U and listening skills. Freed (1995) points out that even though “previous investigations have laid the groundwork for fruitful explorations of the effects of study abroad experiences on the language proficiency of those who participate in these programs”. One of the many theoretical and practical questions she asks concerns the actual linguistic benefits of time spent in a study abroad program. She poses the question about what these benefits might be, “Is it improved accent, greater use of idioms, improved accuracy, expanded discourse strategies, greater fluency,. 6. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(18) improved listening comprehension, improved oral or written communication, greater syntactic complexity, or broader sociolinguistic range?” (p.17). Language educators are encouraged to ask these questions in addition to other more general academic benefits.. Personal Development By immersing oneself in a new culture and experiencing new ways of thinking, undergoing personal growth is an inevitable consequence. Most students return home not only with expanded ideas about other people and cultures, but also with new perspectives on. 治政 themselves, questioning their lifelong personal beliefs and values, 大 which may lead to either 立 strengthening them or abandoning them. Milstein (2005) found that 95.50% of study-abroad ‧ 國. 學. students self-reported an improvement in communication self-efficacy. Self-reported challenge. ‧. of the experience abroad was positively correlated with the perceived improvement in communication self-efficacy. Dwyer (2004) found that the vast majority of study-abroad students. y. Nat. io. sit. reported increased self-confidence, better tolerance for ambiguity, and higher maturity after. n. al. er. study abroad, with students spending more time abroad reaping more of the benefits. Gurman. Ch. i n U. v. (1989), who reported that study-abroad students showed higher posttest scores on creativity. engchi. measures than control students did, concluded that the variety of new experiences that travel brings can inspire new and creative ways of responding. Students’ time abroad may also lead them to reconsider their career aspirations (Orahood, Kruze, & Pearson, 2004). Other studies, like Murphy-Lejeune’s (2002) and Jackson’s (2008), have investigated how study abroad shapes learners’ perceptions. These studies investigate the process of entering and adapting to new academic, social, and cultural environments. Their discussions on the outcomes of study abroad go well beyond language learning; they investigate the construction of and changed views toward learning and life in general. For instance, Murphy-Lejeune examined 7. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(19) the experiences of European students studying abroad in other European countries. When describing the students’ experiences of study abroad through rich narratives, the author highlighted how their initial motivations for studying abroad evolved and fluctuated with time. Jackson (2008), using an ethnographic case study approach, investigated in depth the relationship between language and cultural learning and identity reconstruction – she found that study abroad not only impacts learners’ sense of self, but also their perceptions of the target language, culture, and the world in general. Similar implications are also derived from studies that focused on. 治政大 shifts in motivation, and in students’ self-confidence and the notion of learner independence, 立. Chinese students studying abroad in the UK, for example Gu and Maley (2008) revealed changes. changes in students’ general learning strategies.. ‧ 國. 學. Cultural and Cross-Cultural Improvements. ‧. The cultural benefits of studying abroad are obvious. Spending time in a foreign country. y. Nat. io. sit. cannot help but open your eyes to the wider world, especially to different ways of going about. n. al. er. everyday human activities. Students will even have much more expansive definition of. i n U. v. “different”. Drews, Meyer, and Peregrine (1996), for example, reported that students who had. Ch. engchi. studied abroad tended to think of other national groups in terms associated with the characteristics of individuals. These students were less likely to think of national groups in terms of food, historical events, geography, and other non-personal characteristics. In other words, study abroad seemed to result in more individuated conceptualizations of members of other national groups. Kitsantas (2004), on the other hand, found that study abroad increased students’ effectiveness in adapting to new cultures. From the time before studying abroad to that afterwards, students made improvements in three areas: emotional resilience, or the ability to cope with stress and ambiguity and bounce back from mistakes; flexibility/openness, or the 8. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(20) willingness to think and behave in new ways in a new environment; and perceptual acuity, or the ability to accurately perceive interpersonal cues in new cultures. Students also made improvements in global understanding, becoming less ethnocentric and more able to view the United States in relation to other cultures. Savicki, Downing-Burnette, Heller, Binder, and Suntinger (2004) found that study-abroad students were higher than at-home students on measures of potential and actual intercultural adjustment, both before and after studying abroad. Studying abroad not only improves cross-cultural involvement and adaptation, but also. 治政大a foreign language capability program of college students from the USA whom does not have 立 intercultural sensitivity, Hubbard (2006), for example, found that a four-week study-abroad. nor have they taken a foreign culture course prior to their involvement in this program, improved. ‧ 國. 學. cross-cultural sensitivity. In his study, students improved their ability to accept and adapt to. ‧. cultural differences. While Landis and Bhagat (1996) argue that intercultural sensitivity is crucial to enabling people to live and work with others from different cultural backgrounds. As our. y. Nat. io. sit. workplace and society become more diverse, and as globalization of business intensifies, an. n. al. er. individual’s sensitivity to cultural differences combined with an ability to adapt his or her. Ch. i n U. behavior to those differences will become increasingly valuable.. engchi. v. These studies suggest that the study-abroad programs bring a lot of benefits to sojourners, and prepares students to better adjust in new, different environments, as well as better accept other people who are different personally or culturally.. Social Identity Theory Now that it is agreed by many scholars that studying abroad actually has a very significant impact on learners in general, and learners of English language or the teaching of it in. 9. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(21) specific, it is important to know what actually happens during the studying abroad programs that leads to such great impact. For most college students in their first and second years, the allure of studying abroad can be intoxicating. That is because students tend to initially focus on the “abroad” part, a word that conjures up any number of romantic personal impressions— often, in fact, little more than fantasies—based on movies, travel books, and firsthand reports from friends and relatives who have vacationed abroad. Eclipsed by the glamour and intrigue of it all is the “study” part. Having. 治政大 is common among expectations or reactions, as well as deal with problems of adjustment 立. to deal with new social and educational atmosphere, and face alienated behaviors with different. students attending universities in a culture different from their own. It is a serious undertaking. It. ‧ 國. 學. is challenging on a personal level, and will have an impact on sojourners’ academic career. This. ‧. is difficult enough when the newcomer is aware of the differences in advance, but even more difficult when the newcomer is unaware and falsely assumes that the new society operates like. er. io. sit. y. Nat. their home country.. Social identity theory focuses on the cognitive components of the adaptation process. It. n. al. Ch. i n U. v. was first proposed by Tajfel (1978, 1979) and later by Tajfel and Turner (1979). It’s a social-. engchi. psychological theory that attempts to explain cognitions and behavior, such as solidarity within our group and discrimination against out-groups as part of the social identity processes, with the aim to achieve positive self-esteem and self enhancement (Abrams & Hogg, 1988). Although self-esteem can be one but not the only motive; for example, Adams and Marshall (1996) explains that Identity functions to provide ‘(a) the structure for understanding who one is; (b) meaning and direction through commitments, values, and goals, (c) a sense of personal control,. 10. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(22) (d) consistency, coherence, and harmony between values, beliefs and commitments, and (e) the ability to recognize potential in future possibilities and choices’ (p. 433). In articulating the theory, Henri Tajfel (in collaboration with his graduate student John Turner) argued that human interaction ranges on a spectrum from being purely interpersonal on the one hand to purely intergroup on the other. A purely interpersonal interaction (which Tajfel and Turner believed to be rare) involves people relating entirely as individuals, with no awareness of social categories. A purely intergroup interaction is one in which people relate entirely as representatives of their groups, and where one’s idiosyncratic, individualizing. 治政大 It was argued that qualities are overwhelmed by the salience of one’s group memberships. 立. sliding from the interpersonal to the intergroup end of the spectrum results in shifts in how. ‧ 國. 學. people see themselves and each other.. ‧. Drawing on his own social cognition work (Tajfel & Wilkes, 1963), Tajfel argued that the mere process of making salient ‘us and them’ distinctions changes the way people see each. y. Nat. io. sit. other. When category distinctions are salient, people perceptually enhance similarities within the. n. al. er. group (‘we’re all much the same’) and enhance differences among the group (‘we’re different. Ch. i n U. v. from them’). Categorization also changes the way people see themselves, in the sense that it. engchi. activates a different level of one’s self-concept. At the interpersonal end of the spectrum, people’s self-concept will mostly comprise the attitudes, memories, behaviors, and emotions that define them as idiosyncratic individuals, distinct from other individuals (one’s ‘personal identity’). At the intergroup end of the spectrum, self-concept will mostly comprise one’s ‘social identity’, defined as those aspects of an individual’s self-image that derive from the social categories to which he/she belongs, as well as the emotional and evaluative consequences of this group membership.. 11. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(23) So why do people favor their own group relative to outgroups? Tajfel and Turner argued that the motivating principle underlying competitive intergroup behavior was a desire for a positive and secure self-concept. If we are to accept that people are motivated to have a positive self-concept, it flows naturally that people should be motivated to think of their groups as good groups. Furthermore, drawing on Festinger’s writings on social comparison, it was argued that people evaluate their group with reference to relevant outgroups. Groups are not islands; they become psychologically real only when defined in comparison to other groups. Striving for a. 治政 maintain a positive distinctiveness between one’s own group大 and relevant outgroups. It was this 立 positive social identity, group members are motivated to think and act in ways that achieve or. process that was presumed to underpin real world instances of intergroup differentiation and. ‧ 國. 學. outgroup derogation. What happens, though, when people belong to a group that has relatively. ‧. low status with respect to other groups? Social identity theorists spent a great deal of time outlining how a low status group member can claw back a positive social identity (Tajfel &. y. Nat. er. io. sit. Turner, 1979; Turner & Brown, 1978; see also Hogg & Abrams, 1988). Options include leaving the group (either physically or psychologically), making downward intergroup comparisons that. n. al. Ch. i n U. v. are more flattering to the in-group, focusing only on dimensions that make the in-group look. engchi. relatively good, devaluing dimensions that reflect poorly on the in-group, and engaging in social change to try to overturn the existing status hierarchy. Which strategy will be chosen will depend on a range of circumstances, including the extent to which the boundaries between the group were seen to be permeable, and the extent to which the status differences are perceived to be stable and/or legitimate. In sum, social identity theory was the first social psychological theory to acknowledge that groups occupy different levels of a hierarchy of status and power, and that. 12. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(24) intergroup behavior is driven by people’s ability to be critical of, and to see alternatives to, the status quo. For Tajfel, social identity theory was at its heart a theory of social change. As a result of all this, a dramatic change in sojourners’ values and beliefs can be the result of a change in their identity and the way they perceive themselves, as well as the people around them. However, it can also be a result of the adaptation process into a new culture, which is also known as Acculturation. According to Hunt et al. (2004), the notion that individuals acculturate implies movement ‘from’ traditional values and beliefs and ‘toward’ Western values and beliefs, changes in. 治政大 of the individual versus linguistic preferences and in core beliefs about the relative importance 立. that of the group, may refer in actuality to changes in one’s cultural identity. For example, as a. ‧ 國. 學. sojourner acculturate, her or his definition of the ‘ingroup’ might expand to include those in the. ‧. new receiving society as well as those from the heritage society; consequently, individuals in the new receiving society may no longer be considered part of the ‘outgroup.’ Orientations toward. y. Nat. er. io. sit. individualism and collectivism, which we also consider under the rubric of cultural identity (Triandis, 2001), may also change as sojourners acculturate. Selected goals, values, and beliefs. n. al. Ch. i n U. v. drawn from the receiving culture may then be integrated into one’s personal and social identity.. engchi. Before zooming into what goes on during the studying abroad experience, it is important to know how teaching and teachers are like in Taiwan, and what motivates them into considering a studying abroad experience as a solution to improve themselves and their language.. Taiwanese English Teachers in Taiwan and Studying Abroad Taiwan's recent EFL curriculum planning can be regarded as partly market-driven, a response to public's demand under the influence of globalization (Wu, 2008) and increasing importance of English in Asian countries (Phillipson, 1992, p. 30). Indeed, Taiwan is one of the 13. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(25) periphery countries where English is used as a foreign language or a country in Kachru's (1985) Èxpanding Circle'. However, unlike other Èxpanding Circle' or Òuter Circle' countries such as India, China or Singapore that develop their own versions of English, Taiwan relies on countries in the Ìnner Circle' (e. g. USA, UK) to offer ELT standards (Liao, 2005). This explains why English learning and education is always a hot topic in Taiwan and why there is Ènglish Fever' (Krashen, 2003) to pursue Standard English in Taiwan. However, Taiwanese teachers were chosen entirely on the score of their listening,. 治政大curriculum emphasizes replacing a new curriculum was officially announced in 2001. This new 立. speaking, reading and writing skills of English, and later they were trained as solo teachers until. traditional teaching methods with more interactive ones and encourages team teaching (teaching. ‧ 國. 學. along with a Native English Speaking Teacher (NEST)), these teachers may need extra training. ‧. to improve their professional competence, so that they may be able to collaborate with other colleagues and to develop students' learning.. y. Nat. io. sit. Thus, the presence of NESTs might affect non-native English speaking teachers. n. al. er. (NNEST) s’ self-image and self-perception, making NNESTs feel that they are less competent. Ch. i n U. v. than NESTs (Arva & Medgyes, 2000), “second class citizens” in the workplace (Rajagopalan,. engchi. 2005, p. 287) and in a disadvantaged position in the ELT profession (Llurda & Huguet, 2003). Moreover, NNESTs might suffer from the imbalance of power relationships while working with NESTs in schools, causing the former to develop the anxiety of losing authority and the devaluation of their own usefulness as English teachers (Mahoney, 2004). Also, the presence of NESTs was found to affect NNESTs’ confidence in their own English competence. According to Nieto (2010), although the NNESTs were perceived to have more metalinguistic awareness due to their language learning experiences, some observers thought that. 14. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(26) they lacked confidence to showcase their teaching and lacked information on navigating the sociocultural and sociopolitical contexts embedded in teaching English. Another study shows that many NNESTs perceive a deficit in their English language proficiency due to not sounding like native speakers (Jenkins, 2009). Not surprisingly, securing a high level of EL proficiency has come to be one of the goals for NNESTs as they continue to envision English as a form of social, academic, and symbolic capital (Park, 2009). As a result of all these perceptions (i.e. globalization, lack of proper selection or teacher. 治政 many nonnative-English-speaking teachers from Outer Circle大 countries and Expanding Circle 立. training programs, the presence of NEST, accent, as well as the lack of sociocultural knowledge),. countries are traveling to Inner Circle countries to not only increase their English language. ‧ 國. 學. proficiency but also become prepared to teach English around the world as a result of global. ‧. mobility and the focus on internationalization (Jenkins, 2009). According to the Open Doors Report (ODR) which was published in 2010, there was a 30% increase in Chinese student. y. Nat. er. io. sit. enrollment in the United States that year. Although the ODR does not specifically report the number of international students in teaching English to speakers of other languages (TESOL). n. al. Ch. i n U. v. degree programs, the report does indicate the number of international students in the United. engchi. States that matriculated in intensive English programs and in the fields of education, foreign language, and social sciences in which many U.S. TESOL programs are housed. According to Kachru and Nelson (2006), many NNESTs’ experiences are rewarding due to gaining access to English-dominant academic communities to (re)construct their identities as users of English in authentic contexts. What has received little attention in regard to this is the experiences of Taiwanese English teachers in their exchange programs to the USA, as they transition from their native to. 15. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(27) U.S. educational contexts for as short as a semester (6 months) as part of their training in TESOL exchange programs. Understanding and documenting these teachers journeys to an inner circle country, and how this experience influence their careers, personality and academic performance as English teachers and students once they are back to their native countries could raise awareness of rewards reaped and challenges encountered from the ways in which their identities have been constructed in the TESOL programs.. 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. 16. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(28) CHAPTER THREE Methodology. Adopting narratives, interviews, and blogs as the main data sources, the researcher zoomed her lens into the participant, Jean’s (pseudonym) short term exchange experience of studying overseas, and the trip’s contribution to her ongoing sense of self identity. This qualitative case study aims to investigate how Jean coped with the intercultural. 治政大 Identity Theory (SIT). as a TESOL major student and teacher from the eye of the Social 立. encounters, and their impact after she came back to her home culture on her personality and job. ‧ 國. 學. Context and Participant. ‧. This study was conducted at a university in the north of Taiwan, where the researcher met Jean, who was also a graduate student of TESOL major at the same university, and thus became. io. sit. y. Nat. friends.. n. al. er. Jean, a 26 years old, who had few encounters with foreigners, never left her home. Ch. i n U. v. country for more than a month. She had lived and been educated in Taiwan her entire life.. engchi. Afterwards, she exchanged in the USA for six months as part of the master’s degree program she was enrolled in. It was her longest trip -- time and distance wise -- far from her home country. She strongly felt that her experience was a significant one, for she went through critical and life changing incidents during her exchange period, which led to a complete different mindset and angles to look at life, and made a great impact on her life as a teacher and a person. After the exchange experience, Jean got accepted at [Sunday], an online based English language institute. It was her very first full time job as an English teacher. Through an informal conversation with her, the researcher found that the trip seemed to have a lot of impact towards 17. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(29) her attitude as a language learner and a teacher, which made her a suitable candidate for this study.. Data Collection The data were taken from three semi-structured interviews conducted over three sessions. (See appendix A for interview questions.) The interviews lasted for an average of two hours each, which was enough to make sure Jean has plenty of time to tell me her experience, and has led into three different themes: The first focused on her background, personality, expectations. 治政 and encounters with foreigners before the exchange; the second 大focused on the exchange itself 立 and her encounters within that period, and how they clashed with her expectations and thoughts ‧ 國. 學. prior the big departures; and the last focused on her emotions, thoughts and life after the. ‧. exchange.. The Interviews, conducted using the English language, took place in four different quiet. y. Nat. io. sit. restaurants/coffee shops, which made it easier and more comfortable for the participant to. n. al. er. express herself freely. The first and the second interviews took place two months after the trip,. Ch. i n U. v. while the participant still had fresh and clear memory of the trip. This made it easier for her to. engchi. retrieve a number of critical incidents that will be discussed in Chapter 4. While the third took place a month after Jean initiated her first full time job as an online teacher. And lastly the fourth took place after six months of working as a teacher. The interviews were recorded and transcribed all with the permission of the participant. (See Appendix B for letter of consent). For triangulation reasons, the researcher had access to the participants’ blogs as well. The data in the blogs only focused on specific incidents in which had an impact on Jean’s emotions, thoughts, or life. She wrote a total of ten blogs that were written both in English and Chinese. 18. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(30) However, because of the language barrier, I could only use the part written in English. This can be considered one of the limitations of this study since Chinese is Jean’s first language, thus, she probably expressed herself more accurately using her mother tongue. The stories in the blogs were actually repeated in the interviews, which made it easier for the researcher to make connections and come up with explanations and answer questions that aroused while reading the blogs. This also allowed to make the stories in the blogs whole and get the complete picture of them. Thus, in the finding part of this paper, the story was written using a. 政治大. mixture of both the data in the blogs and interviews in an overlapping way.. 立. Data Analysis. ‧ 國. 學. In this study, I used the short narratives of critical incidents within the data as the core. ‧. elements, which Flanagan (1954) defines as a qualitative interview procedure which facilitates the investigation of significant occurrences (events, incidents, processes, or issues) identified by. y. Nat. io. sit. the respondent, the way they are managed, and the outcomes in terms of perceived effects. The. n. al. er. objective is to gain understanding of the incident from the perspective of the individual, taking. Ch. i n U. into account cognitive, affective, and behavioral elements. (p. 56). engchi. v. The researcher asked the participants to narrate her story, throughout which the researcher came up with semi-structured questions in the purpose of digging deeper into why the participant did something a certain way, or how she felt doing it. After the very first informal interview with the participant, the researcher decided that this story is an interesting and a significant one to write a paper about. That is why I started reading Jean’s blogs which she shared on her social media for the public to see. With her permission, I used the information from the interview and the blogs (both contain the same stories and incidents) as the source of data for this paper. However, more interviews were needed 19. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(31) to fill in some gaps. The researcher interviewed the participant three formal interviews which were recorded, and then transcribed and analyzed using the Social Identity Theory; The way I used the theory was by categorizing the data from the interviews and blogs into the three components of the theory; the personal Identity, the Social Identity and the Social Categorization, focusing on encounters with foreigners before, during, and after the trip, in addition to her thoughts during those experiences, and how these thoughts changed overtime. The trustworthiness of the data was guarded by member checking with the participant.. 治政大 in the interest of making sure her check the accuracy of data collected and their interpretations, 立. This means the researcher gave a copy of the findings chapter to the participant in order to have. they were documented and interpreted appropriately.. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. Time-line. The first informal interview took place two months after Jean’s exchange in the US in the. y. Nat. io. sit. April of 2018. Back then, Jean and I went out for a dinner as friends. As she started telling me all. n. al. er. about her experience in the US, I felt a transformation in the way she behaved and talked, as well. i n U. v. as the way she perceived westerners. That is when I figured that Jean’s story was one worth writing a paper about.. Ch. engchi. About one month after our casual dinner together, in May 5th, 2018, I started officially interviewing Jean as a researcher. The first formal interview focused on knowing Jean on a personal level. She told me all about her background, parents, and expectations of the exchange before the set out, and her encounters with westerners prior to the exchange. Our second interview took place a few weeks after the first one, in May 23rd. It was around the time Jean was accepted at her very first full time job as an online teacher for adult students. In this interview, our focus was around the exchange itself and the many challenges she has faced during that time. 20. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(32) By the time of the third interview, Jean had worked for almost a year at the same school. Our conversation was all about how this exchange impacted the way she taught and come about in her daily life. Lastly, the forth meeting took place for the aim to confirm all the data collected from previous interviews.. Month April, 2018. Research Activity The researcher and the participant went out for a casual dinner. That’s. 治政 background is worth writing a paper about.大 (Data were not recorded nor 立 when the researcher figured out that Jean’s story especially with her. transcribed, and therefore cannot be used for the paper). ‧ 國. 學. May, 2018. 5th : First Interview:. ‧. The participant’s background, personality, expectations and encounters. y. Nat. with foreigners before the exchange. (Jean has just started her new job as a teacher). n. al. Ch. er. io. sit. 23rd : Second Interview:. i n U. v. The exchange itself and her encounters within that period, and how they. engchi. clashed with her expectations and thoughts prior the big departure. Apr, 2019. 13th Third Interview: Tracing Jean’s thoughts development. (She has been working as an official full time teacher for around one year now). Jun, 2019. Guarding of Trustworthiness. 21. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(33) The following chapter include some of the incidents Jean went through before, during and after the exchange. These critical events had a great impact on the way she perceived international individuals. In the discussion chapter of this paper, these incidents will be looked at and analyzed trough the three different components of the Social Identity theory: The personal identity, the social identity and the social categorization.. 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. 22. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(34) CHAPTER FOUR Findings. Jean’s Story If you have not been to Taiwan, it is essential to know the well-known general idea related to social conduct. The concept of being considered as competent, successful, as well as respected and appreciated by people of Taiwan. It is basically accomplished by following certain patterns, rules and steps towards competency. Jean was no different. Before the exchange, her. 治政 conception of a content and successful life was to ‘go with the 大flow’. According to her plan, her 立 first step was to excel academically, perform well in exams, getting a respectful degree, finding a ‧ 國. 學. satisfactory job, working for approximately thirty years, and finally ending her career with a. ‧. fulfilling retirement. In her mind, that was the only path she saw or was available at that time. Thus, she has got a bachelor’s degree in Education, and is currently enrolled in an MA TESOL. y. Nat. n. al. er. io. well.. sit. program. Not only that, she is working as the English teacher she has always dreamt to be as. Ch. i n U. v. However, the pathway to the confident happy fearless person she had become was not as. engchi. smooth and easy as it sounds. Jean had to go through phases of doubt and confusion. These phases and feelings emerged during her six-month exchange program in the US, the very reason behind this dramatic change. When she was asked about how she would be like if she had not gone for the exchange program, her answer was: “I would not be this happy and comfortable with my life.” It was not until Jean accepted herself as she is, and accepted the difference and variety of people’s backgrounds and life-choices including her own, that she felt comfortable in her own skin. That is why I was curious to know how Jean’s thoughts shifted from undermining and 23. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(35) rejecting what is different, to being open and tolerant of it, and how changing the way she thinks has had a huge impact on her personality and career. After interviewing Jean, as well as reading her blogs written right after each incident which had a direct impact upon her, I realized that Jean had only got in touch with foreigners three times before the exchange. I then categorized the data into five different themes, each of which focuses on a phase when critical incidents of meeting foreigners occurred and significantly shifted Jean’s thoughts towards a new, more accepting mentality. The discussion below is organized based on five different time frames in Jean’s experiences. These phases. 治政大in college. (2) The time when include (1) the time when Jean met her international classmates 立. she had to mentor several new international students as a student-teacher after college. (3) The. ‧ 國. 學. time she met with two of her international classmates just before leaving to the USA. (4) The. ‧. time when she exchanged for six months in the USA. And lastly, (5) the time when she was accepted as a full-time English teacher at a school upon coming back from the US.. y. Nat. n. al. er. io During college.. sit. The following is a re-construction of the critical experiences in each of these phases.. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. During her time in college, Jean took a few classes with international students, who were the very first group of foreigners she had encountered. Nevertheless, she was impacted by various false beliefs and misconceptions about them from the media. In addition to the very limited personal encounters with only a few individuals -such as native English teachers- or international classmates. These individuals might have or might not have reflected the wrong idea of what westerners are like, she nevertheless compiled hatred and alienation feelings towards them.. 24. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(36) In High-school, we listened to English songs, we watched English movies, right? And a lot of songs and films are about relationships, and a lot of American movies we see [sic] a lot of hookups, a lot of one night stands, so probably it is from the media. It is from the pop culture (personal communication, May 5, 2018). Despite having a huge respect to a good deal of the international teachers and their teaching styles, some of them in addition to a few international students gave Jean the impression that they were “extremely irresponsible”, “lazy”, did not care about their studies and are here for. 政治大. “fun and parties”. She thought that “their culture is probably a little bit too open for me.”. 立. In high-school, we met with native English teachers twice a week, there was a rumor that. ‧ 國. 學. Mr. Smith was kissing Ms. Gordon on the metro, and someone saw that, and we all. ‧. started to gossip, they’re teachers, but they’re doing that in the MRT (personal communication, May 5, 2018).. sit. y. Nat. io. al. er. Even worse, she and her friends thought that these teachers and students were here in Taiwan to. v. n. enjoy the privilege and the attention they were given from Taiwanese people for being white.. Ch. engchi. i n U. Taiwanese people tend to treat white people better, they prefer western countries, western values, and when I saw these international students from western countries, I was like, and you guys are here to enjoy the privilege? You can’t even go to a good university (personal communication, May 5, 2018). Once she met them, it stroke her that none of them was actually trying to learn Chinese, and arrogantly demanded that everyone translated everything to them into English language so they would understand. She thought they were not even trying to learn Chinese, although:. 25. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(37) They had the responsibility to blend in that was what I thought at that time. A lot of them, they were in Taiwan for such a long time but they never spoke in Chinese, and then they didn’t understand a word in Chinese, and they would, like, arrogantly ask people to speak in English, or ask people to translate everything into English for them, without their at least trying a little bit, so I didn’t like them, that’s one of the reasons why I did not like uhh maybe international people, or westerners or international students in Taiwan (personal communication, May 5, 2018).. 政治大. The society surrounding her at that time was very conservative. The educational. 立. department as she describes was like “being in a church” for having a very conservative. ‧ 國. 學. atmosphere. The way she was raised by her parents was also conservative and strict. Both led to the reasons behind having disgarding feelings towards these international individuals. “You have. ‧. to be a teacher. That is why you need to be professional” was her exact thoughts at that time; and. Nat. sit. y. for that, she did not think of trying anything that would affect her image as a teacher or was not. n. al. er. io. study-related. And because she thought those international students were just too different, with. i n U. v. a very open lifestyle, the very idea of hanging with them was not at all needed nor inspiring.. Ch. engchi. I was surrounded by people who wouldn’t be curious about international people; for example, if I had been in an English department, or if I had been in the department of diplomacy, probably I would have a very different mind-set (personal communication, Apr 13, 2019). Not only were Jean and the people around her not interested in befriending international students, but also there was a rumor going around among them that international students who choose to come to Taiwan are at the lower end of the society in their home countries, which had 26. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(38) her in a way lose respect of, undermine, and be very cautious towards them. She would tell people: “Do not just like any international student in Taiwan”, referring to the fact that some of them move to Taiwan for the privileges they get here, whereas their own countries would not give them a proper chance. As for their academic performance -- the essential part to generate negative feelings -made her feel the injustice. To her, those international students were able to score highly in class just because their English is their mother tongue; hence they needed zero efforts to understand. 政治大. and learn the content in the books, or give a good and impressive presentation.. 立. I was in class, I was a student, and the only thing I could see was their academic. ‧ 國. 學. performance. One crucial fact that I was trying so hard in that class, it was hard to take an all English class, and I saw these foreigners who were so at ease so probably I felt like,. ‧. Oh, you guys have such a good time, because it’s your mother tongue (personal. Nat. io. sit. y. communication, May 5, 2018).. n. al. er. Their participation in class, as she describes, was not always meaningful. They would just say. Ch. i n U. v. anything during class to stand out and make a presence, even if it was irrelevant.. engchi. On a personal level, Jean avoided building relationships with them at all. She did not care about them for she did not want to be part of their unappealing and irresponsible lives. “I don’t think they are not good persons; I was just not interested in making friends with them” according to her. She described her mindset back then as being “rebellious” and “judgmental” towards foreigners in general, to the point that the whole idea of traveling abroad was never on her to-do list.. 27. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(39) During her time as a student-teacher. “My life started to change when I was a student teacher”. A significant transformation of her thoughts occurred when she became the international students’ counselor during her student-teaching time at college. Back then, she always felt that her English was good enough. She always thought talking to a foreigner-in order to increase the chances of improvement-was unnecessary. She felt she was already very fluent compared to other Taiwanese people. Until the day came when she had to accompany four international. 治政 students, she “started to find out that my English was not good 大enough.” 立 Part of Jean’s job as a counselor required her to take these students out to enjoy the ‧ 國. 學. beauty of Taiwan. That is why she decided to take them on a trip to a spot very famous for the. ‧. green tea, its breathtaking view and its high gondola. Maokong. She had everything arranged and planned to the finest details. For example, from one to two o’clock in the afternoon they were. y. Nat. io. sit. supposed to take the gondola up to the top of Maokong, where they would walk around and have. n. al. er. some snacks. In the evening --around five o’clock-- they were supposed to be back downhill. To. Ch. i n U. v. her shock, these students spontaneously kept changing the plan she had drew. They decided to. engchi. take a hiking trail that none of them, including Jean, knew where it led to, whether it was safe, and how long it would take them to be downhill. They randomly found another hiking trail and decided to take the risk and try it out. One of them even suggested that the group should go on without him and allow him to explore on his own. The other three international students refused, and they persuaded him to go on the unknown hiking trail together. Their decision to spontaneously explore an unknown path literally put Jean in a panic. The total negligence of the plan which she had put together effortfully had her very nervous, anxious, and a bit furious. Her anxiety came from the fact that they would very likely get lost in 28. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(40) the middle of nowhere. In addition to that, she had previously planned to tutor a student in the evening, which she eventually had to cancel. They walked for a long time, and when finally she had access to the internet, she discovered that they had actually crossed all over to another district called Xindian, and had to ask for directions to get back to campus safe and sound. For me, because I was raised in the Taiwanese education system I was also very obedient, I also feel like following the plan, and that was a bit reckless and a bit risky experience to me at that time (personal communication, May 5, 2018).. 治政 This incident was a significant one to her; for normally, 大Taiwanese students would just 立 follow what the teacher has arranged and planned. But to her shock these foreign students were ‧ 國. 學. adventurous and liked to explore on their own. However, once she was back home, she felt. ‧. liberated, she was happy to experience something out of the norm. She enjoyed the thrill of an adventure and the feeling of mystery.. sit. y. Nat. io. er. When I went home I felt so energetic, and I felt very thrilled on the inside, I was like OH. al. MY GOD it was such a like… out of control experience, but I felt so happy, I felt so. n. iv n C happy to explore the nature, to dohsomething that’s U planned at all, to not know what’s e n g c h i not in front of me (personal communication, May 5, 2018). And overall, she explains further, she had a wonderful time! It happened again when she took them to another trip to Tamsui, where they passed by a beach and spontaneously decided to go there near the sunset. She described these students as being reflexive, independent and mature. The way she saw it, Taiwanese students usually need a lot of guidance from an adult or a more experienced person as they are not used to dealing with problems themselves. “Most of them are only asked to study hard in school, Taiwanese kids get 29. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(41) their money from their parents, and just want to study because of the exams system”. Furthermore, anything that is non-school-related was “not encouraged by the parents, just study hard, no dating, you do not have to work”. Whereas international students had a lot more life experiences, from working part-time, to saving money to come to Taiwan, to driving for a long distance trip. She was six years older than they were but she felt as if they were more mature and independent than she was. Finally, these international students questioned everything. Things that Taiwanese. 治政 of why they do a specific thing in a certain way. She explains大 further: “You do not just follow 立. students either took for granted, or just got used to, to the point that prevented them to even think. the rules just because someone told you to, you think about why.”. ‧ 國. 學. The rush she felt getting to know these international students made her think about. ‧. changing herself and the way she looked at life. However, she did not know whether or not a dramatic change in her lifestyle was feasible just yet. She thought that “I was still the same me…. y. Nat. n. al. er. io. be this way.”. sit. but I just felt inspired… and thought maybe I should change… maybe things shouldn’t have to. Ch. i n U. v. She noticed at that time how “different” those students were; she found them very. engchi. outgoing, more independent and outspoken, they dared to ask questions and break the rules. They leave the classroom whenever they want, they inquire, and act like leaders. In contrary, Taiwanese students, who sometimes break the rules as well, hardly ever question or discuss the appropriateness of following the given rules for every situation encountered, and are rarely critical to anything that happens around them. According to her, these international students that she had the chance to interact with in college were the outset of the whole idea of studying abroad several years later.. 30. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(42) Right before the exchange. A little while before Jean left for the USA, Jean was very comfortable with the use of English. This is when she met Hanna and Michael, two of her international classmates. For a second there, she thought about it; if she could understand and express herself freely with these two, she probably does not need to improve her English at all, or worse, she probably does not need to go abroad. Before I set out, there was a moment, you know, when I was taking classes with you. 治政 guys, in that semester, I met (Hanna) and (Michael), and 大because of these two we always 立 spoke English most of the time, and Just a few months before I went abroad, I felt like, ‧ 國. 學. probably there wasn’t a need for me to go abroad, I felt like my English is enough. I can. ‧. get around, I can express myself clearly, and probably I don’t really need to go abroad (personal communication, May 23, 2018).. sit. y. Nat. io. er. Despite Jean’s feelings of not needing to be improve in terms of English language, she. al. iv n C somewhat knew that this experience washgoing to be a life-changing and an eye-opening one. engchi U n. definitely had lots of expectations, she was --more than ever-- looking forward to this trip. She. These days whenever I was walking on the streets of Taipei, or just watching my dogs sniffing everywhere, I was thinking about six months later, what I would feel like when I look at the same scenes again (blog entry, Jul 6, 2017). Not only that, this exchange is Jean’s very first experience away from her home for this long, she felt she is in the middle of nowhere, the only thing she can relate to in regards of the target culture is the American movies she watched at her home culture. She did not have any. 31. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(43) expectations nor does she know what she is about to encounter. She was definitely looking forward to this experience, however, she was also very nervous and worried about not being able to fit in the new culture. What if I am just shy and awkward? What if I can’t make friends with people? What if I fail to maintain a good relationship? What if I just can’t blend in, or worse, mess things up? (Especially after seeing some American films I found hard to relate to.) I am so worried, worried about not being as confident and comfortable and positive and. 政治大. “successful” as I am in Taiwan. Oh my god, I am already 24, but still struggling with. 立. these thoughts like a little kid (blog entry, Jul 6, 2017).. ‧ 國. 學. She was actually nervous to the point that she was having second thoughts about the. ‧. whole trip, that she probably should just stay home and do nothing. She added further: “Actually all the great people I’ve known in 2016 and all the farewell happening these days did make me. y. Nat. io. sit. not feel like leaving anymore.”. n. al. er. She had a mixture of extreme opposed feelings. However, something huge was stopping. i n U. v. her from escaping this whole plan as she sometimes felt like doing, which is her “plan to a happy. Ch. engchi. and successful life”. The plan she had imagined and worked hard for. She had to follow every step she had mapped and drew. I suspended grad school to do my student teaching in W High-school, as planned, and met those great kids and applied for the exchange (which is something unplanned lol). I didn’t stay in W high-school for another semester and, as planned, came back to school where I met the best classmates ever! Some bad things happened and I almost gave up on the exchange, but as planned, I am on my way. Every time I have a plan and make a 32. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(44) decision, my determination line “fluctuates” as more and more great things pop up in my life that make me want to stay (personal communication, May 5, 2018). And now, she just needs to calm herself down, wait and sleep on it. “When I open my eyes, I’m in America.”. The exchange.. The beginning of the exchange (The first and second months).. 政治大. At the beginning of the exchange, Jean found herself in an atmosphere, among people,. 立. and dealing with feelings that are totally different from her own. But the rush of being in a new. ‧ 國. 學. place, and the excitement of expecting new adventures had her forget about everything that worried her before she took off.. ‧. I felt very excited, refreshed, and happy, I felt really grateful that I have the chance to. y. Nat. er. io. sit. study abroad (blog entry, Jul 6, 2017).. al. iv n C responsibility to try and learn what this new h eculture i U“I was a foreigner, so if I had a n g cishabout: n. And because she did not want to be like the international students she met before, she made it her. problem, it’s probably me who need to be fixed!” she added. There was this Chinese-speaking community which she did not bother to get to know; she had a goal, and speaking in Chinese all the time was not part of it. According to her, the members of this Chinese-speaking community were really shy, and they were not fluent in English, which is why they have always braced among themselves and spoke in Chinese all the time. To Jean, spending her free time with them misses the whole idea of studying abroad. Since her English skills were already mature before she went to the USA, simply avoiding this. 33. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(45) community completely was an easy path to take. For that reason, she tried her best to blend into the larger English-speaking society, and was not critical at all towards anything that happened around her. And in the interest of making sure her credits were to be accepted when she came back to Taiwan, she decided to take the most difficult courses. However, she found herself unable to measure and keep up, until she reached to the point where she spaced out most of the time. According to her, both the professors and the classmates were speaking “too fast”, and the theories themselves were not at all easy.. 立. 政治大. As reported by her, a lot of professors there are really prestigious, wrote their own text. ‧ 國. 學. books, and had their own framework. Since it was her first encounter with these professors, the courses were actually meant for doctoral students, a lot of the time she just sat and felt as if she. ‧. was listening to English language for the first time in her life.. y. Nat. io. sit. And I was like, Is this English???? What are you guys talking about? It was like I was. n. al. er. listening to Spanish or something, I did not understand what they were saying (personal. Ch. communication, May 23, 2018).. engchi. i n U. v. Sometimes she would just space out, confused and then suddenly her classmates would start laughing. Probably at something the professor had said, and she would be like: “Is that a joke? Why are you guys laughing? And I tried to just fake a laugh.” Moments like that made Jean feel like an outsider, as if she did not belong. And these moments happened so frequently at the beginning, and in many different contexts. She added: “I was very frustrated, I felt awkward, it happened to me at school, at work, when I travel and with friends.” According to Jean, everywhere she went to, some topics were just too “Americanized”. 34. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.

(46) Jean found the classes challenging. One of the tasks she was given during one of the classes, was to find connections between the theories they were discussing and the educational issues in Taiwan; her unfamiliarity with the American context, in addition to her language, delayed her understanding, which led to her feeling anxious and frustrated. But instead of letting these negative feelings get to her and let her fall behind even further. She decided to “allow myself more time to adjust.” Jean is not the shy type; as -- unlike the vast majority of Taiwanese students -- she always. 治政大 and self-conscious. It was group and class discussions in the USA made her somehow nervous 立 spoke up, made a presence and participated in class back home. Regardless, participating in. not the act of talking to others that made her feel this way, but the pressure of making herself. ‧ 國. 學. clear and keeping up with their pace and their flows of ideas that did.. ‧. Because in Taiwan we try to be perfect, we try not to disappoint people and make a fool of ourselves, so when I talk when I share my thoughts with my classmates I feel very. y. Nat. er. io. sit. nervous for the very first time (personal communication, May 23, 2018). To calm herself down, , she would just rehearse her ideas in her head first before saying. n. al. Ch. i n U. v. them out loud, which led to a relatively slower and more hesitant participation.. engchi. When I first went there I will still rehearse in my head, even when I was in class, I will feel uneasy. I wanted to speak out in class, I wanted to share my experiences, I didn’t want to be silent, and so I would say ok! Later on I wanna a story about bla bla bla about this topic and what should I say and kind of rehearse it in my head (personal communication, May 23, 2018). In one of the classes, Jean’s professor divided the students into groups, where they had to work and discuss together the entire semester. Jean’s group members consisted of an MA 35. DOI:10.6814/NCCU201900513.