Supplementary Notes 3
Promoting assessment for and as learning at the senior secondary level:
Focusing on the development of writing skills
[Supplementary notes to Chapter 4.3.7 Assessment for Learning and Chapter 5.2 Formative and Summative Assessment in the English Language Curriculum and Assessment Guide (Secondary 4-6)(CDC & HKEAA, 2007), p.98 & pp.110-111]
Part A: Assessment for Learning in Action
While assessment for learning is practised during the daily learning and teaching process and involves close attention to small “chunks” of learning, a task given by the end of a learning unit/module/cycle can also provide opportunities for learners to demonstrate what they have learnt in the unit/module/cycle and for teachers to collect useful data to inform learning and teaching, which serves to promote assessment for learning.
The following example features how a writing task* can serve as an assessment task after learners have completed a unit on the theme “Teenage Life”, which lasts for about twelve 40-minute lessons and covers the following learning activities:
Reading newspaper articles and reports on teenage problems (e.g. materialism, teenage suicide)
Reading an editorial on “Kong Kid Phenomenon” and a one-sided argumentative essay on protective parents
Watching a short video clip on the problem of compensated dating
Listening to an audio clip on a discussion about the stress of teenagers among experts
Conducting a group discussion on the strengths and weaknesses of teenagers in Hong Kong
Learning vocabulary related to teen problems and adjectives to describe Hong Kong teenagers This writing assessment task is designed to provide opportunities for learners to demonstrate their ability to express and justify views on teenage issues, as well as their mastery of topical vocabulary and text-type features of a one-sided argumentative essay. This writing task, adopting a process-writing approach, provides opportunities for teachers to conduct assessment for learning through collecting information about learners’ progress in different stages. Suggestions on how to provide constructive feedback to learners are provided. Activities involving learners’ self-assessment and self-reflection are also included to promote assessment as learning.
2
The example contains the following parts:
Section A includes the topic and features of the writing task, e.g. the level pitched at, the text-type, the communicative functions, the role of the writer and the target readers.
Section B provides an analysis of the task requirements in terms of the content, language and organisation.
Section C presents the suggested teaching procedures for a process writing approach and provides guidelines on incorporating assessment for learning to address learners’ learning needs.
Section D provides a set of assessment forms to be adopted for self, peer and teacher assessments.
Section E includes a sample student work with teachers’ feedback, which highlights some strategies for and approaches to giving constructive feedback.
Section F presents some teaching suggestions for stretching students who can manage the basic task requirements.
* Tasks which require learners to demonstrate other language skills (i.e. speaking, reading, and listening) or integrated skills can also be designed at the end of a learning unit/module/cycle as assessment tasks.
Section A
Assessment Task
Topic: Some experts in education have observed that Hong Kong teenagers are too pampered and spoilt by their parents, resulting in their lack of self-management and problem-solving skills. One proposed solution to this problem is requiring senior secondary students to undertake 50 hours of community service, in addition to the community services organised by the schools for the Other Learning
Experiences (OLE), before they are allowed to graduate from secondary school.
Write an article to the school newspaper to express whether you agree with this proposal and give at least three reasons to support your view. Write about 300 – 400 words.
Related Module / Elective Module:
Study, School Life and Work
Learning English through Social Issues
Learning English through Debating Student Level: Senior Secondary (S4-6)
Text-type: School magazine article
Communicative Functions:
Express agreement and disagreement
Justify one’s point of view Role of the Writer: A senior secondary student
Target Reader: Secondary students and teachers
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Section B
Additional ideas Language
Addressing some of the arguments likely to be brought up by people with the opposing view
Suggesting better alternatives to the proposed measure if disagreeing with the proposal
Vocabulary
Vocabulary related to voluntary work and community services (e.g.
independence,
interpersonal skills, care for others)
Some experts in education have observed that Hong Kong teenagers are too pampered and spoilt by their parents, resulting in their lack of self-management and problem-solving skills. One proposed solution to this problem is requiring senior secondary students to undertake 50 hours of community service, in addition to the
community services organised by the schools for the Other Learning Experiences (OLE), before they are allowed to graduate from their secondary schools. Write an article to the school newspaper to express whether you agree with this proposal and give at least three reasons to support your view.
Content
Relevant ideas and elaboration Task requirements – a detailed analysis of the question
Providing relevant supporting details (e.g. statistics, examples) and clear explanation for each argument
Stating the stance towards the proposal, justifying the stance with three reasons for/against requiring 50 hours of
community service before graduating from secondary schools
Providing background information about the issue (e.g. problems of teenagers nowadays)
Language Items & Structures
Persuasive devices (e.g.
rhetorical sentences, emphatic structures, modal verbs)
Sentence structures for giving reasons and showing cause-and-effect
relationship
Sentence structures for citing sources and providing evidence
Sentence structures for addressing opposing views
Tone and Register
A persuasive tone
A semi-formal tone
Organisation Coherence
Clear organisation
framework for a one-sided argumentative essay (i.e. an introduction, 3-4 body paragraphs and a conclusion)
Cohesion
Appropriate use of cohesive devices to link up key arguments
Logical connection within and across paragraphs
Constructing arguments with considerations for different stakeholders’
perspectives (e.g. schools, teachers, students)
Section C
Teaching procedures for the pre- and post-writing stages
Teaching steps Remarks
2 lessons
1. Ask students to form groups of four and collect articles or video clips about “community service”, “voluntary work” and “service learning” before lessons. They should research for information that helps to answer the following questions:
What is “service learning”?
Is there any difference between “community service”
and “voluntary work”?
What are the arguments for and against introducing community service into the curriculum in secondary schools?
2. Ask students to report what they have found in response to the questions. Organise students’ ideas and introduce vocabulary related to the topic.
3. Revisit a one-sided argumentative text covered in the unit (See Appendix 1) and draw students’ attention to the structure and salient features of a one-sided argumentative essay (e.g. introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion).
For more advanced students who have no difficulty understanding the structure of a one-sided argumentative essay and fulfilling the basic task requirements, teachers might like to adopt some of the teaching suggestions in Section F, to help students produce writing with more sophisticated ideas and writing style.
4. Introduce the writing task. Elicit students’
understanding of the task requirements, including the issue, the writing purpose, the writer-reader
relationship, the tone, the content and the overall structure. Brainstorm ideas on the background information of the issue and reasons for/against the proposals.
5. Give out the Teacher Assessment Form in Section D and go through the criteria with students. Establish a set of assessment criteria with students by selecting items/section(s) to focus on for the first draft of their writing
The 20 assessment criteria suggested in the Teacher Assessment Form are neither prescriptive nor exhaustive.
Depending on students’ ability levels and learning needs, as well as the areas the teacher would
6
like to focus on, the teacher may adjust the number of sections and items to be introduced to the students and covered in each draft. For example, the teacher may focus only on the criteria under the “Content” and
“Organisation” sections for the first draft and deal with criteria under “Language” in the second draft. Alternatively, the teacher may select ten core items from the three sections to focus on for the first draft and extend to cover all criteria for the second draft.
6. Ask students to write the first draft of the article individually.
1 lesson
7. Provide feedback on the students’ first draft by filling in the Teacher Assessment Form. Return the completed Teacher Assessment Form to students and discuss the general performance of students in class. Provide suggestions for improvement with reference to samples from students’ writing.
8. Ask students to re-read their own work and review it with reference to the Teacher Assessment Form. They then complete the “Students’ Reflections” section.
9. Give out the Self/Peer Assessment Form in Section D.
Establish a set of assessment criteria for assessing the second draft by selecting the sessions/ items to focus on and discussing the relevant criteria with students.
While 20 items are provided in the Self/Peer Assessment Form, teachers could flexibly adjust the number of items to be included and simplify the language where necessary to make the self/peer assessment task manageable to students. 8-10 items are generally considered manageable for average senior secondary students.
10. Ask students to write the second draft of the article individually.
11. Ask students to review their own/their peers’ second draft with reference to the assessment criteria in the Self/Peer Assessment Form. They then make revisions to their own work and submit the second draft, together with (i) the first draft, (ii) the Teacher Feedback Form on the first draft with the “Students’
Reflections” section completed, and (iii) the completed self/peer assessment form, to the teacher.
1 lesson
12. Read students’ writing, identify the strengths and problematic areas and provide written feedback.
Display samples of student writing to the whole class and design relevant follow-up activities to help students improve their work.
Refer to Section E for suggestions on how to provide quality
feedback.
13. Students revise their second draft based on comments from the teacher and what they have learned from the follow-up activities in class. They submit the final work together with the first and second drafts as well as the assessment forms.
1 lesson
14. Read through students’ final work and assess their writing with reference to the assessment criteria.
Provide feedback and further support for students.
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Sample Argumentative Essay
Are Hong Kong Parents Over-protective?
When some Hong Kong students were stranded in London Heathrow Airport because of a snowstorm last December, we were all stunned by their selfish behaviour and poor self-management skills. Little did they do except whining about the flight cancellation and poor arrangements of the airlines. They even made up stories of their parents’ death in order to board the first flight home. It is obvious that these Hong Kong children are spoilt. Yet, who is to blame for their
“prince / princess syndrome”? You will know the answer when you see their doting parents, who joined in the complaints and urged the SAR government to charter flights to bring the kids home. Such over-reaction is typical of Hong Kong parents, who are, in my opinion, mostly over-protective.
Many Hong Kong parents take care of every detail in their children’s life. They rush to their rescue when their children face any difficulties. Madeleine Levine, an American clinical psychologist, coined the term “helicopter parents” to describe parents who hover over their children, even when they are already adults. These parents dote on their children so much that they do everything for them. In some extreme cases, I have seen parents accompany their children to universities and help them tidy up their dorm rooms. While these parents may argue that they just want to express their concern for their children, what they do not realise is that their excessive care may hamper their children’s development of problem-solving skills.
Hong Kong parents are also over-involved in their children’s school work. They dedicate much of their energy and time to preparing their children for tests and examinations. Some even help their children to finish projects and assignments. A study conducted by the Society for Child Development indicates that over half of the parents interviewed have experienced anxiety over their children’s school work, and 75% of them are willing to offer any kind of assistance to ensure their children’s academic success. The
Introduction
Body
Supporting details – Expert opinion
Supporting details – Cases/examples
Supporting details – Statistics
Central Argument
Topic Sentence
Opposing viewpoint &
refutation
Topic Sentence
Appendix 1
school work. Vicky Tuck, the principal of Cheltenham Ladies’
College, warns parents that their over-conscientiousness and constant supervision may prevent their children from growing into responsible and independent learners.
Hong Kong parents are over-tolerant of their children’s misbehaviour. As most families in Hong Kong nowadays have few children, parents tend to lavish the kids with care and money but forget the importance of disciplining them.
It is common to see children running around or shouting on public transports while their parents do nothing to stop them. As the old saying goes, “spare the rod and spoil the child.” Parents’
unreasonable forbearance leads to children’s lack of respect for authority. This explains why discipline problems are on the rise in Hong Kong schools.
Clearly, it is the over-protective Hong Kong parents who create the over-pampered “Hong Kong kids”. To fix the problem, parents must change their mindset. They should bear in mind that their children will have to grow out of their protective cocoon and stand on their own feet one day.
Over-protection only encourages unhealthy reliance, which definitely does more harm than good to the children’s personal development. Children need guidance, not indulgence. It is time that Hong Kong parents reflected on their mode of parenting.
Supporting details – Expert’s opinion
Supporting details – Cases/ examples
Conclusion Topic Sentence
Reiteration of stance
Here are some sentence structures used to add strengths to the arguments and enhance persuasiveness:
Examples
Inversion Little did they do except whining about the flight cancellation and poor arrangements of the airlines.
Rhetorical questions Yet, who is to blame for their “prince / princess syndrome”?
Cause-and-effect structures
These parents dote on their children so much that they do everything for them.
As most families in Hong Kong nowadays have few children, parents tend to lavish the kids with care and money.
Parents’ unreasonable forbearance leads to children’s lack of respect for authority.
Emphatic structures Clearly, it is the over-protective Hong Kong parents who create the over-pampered “Hong Kong kids”.
Children need guidance, not indulgence.
It is time that Hong Kong parents reflected on their mode of parenting.
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Teacher Assessment Form Date:
Task: Writing an article to the school newspaper arguing either for or against the proposal which requires students to undertake 50 hours of community service, in addition to the community services
organised by the schools for the Other Learning Experiences (OLE), before students are allowed to graduate from secondary school.
Text Type: A school newspaper article (one-sided argumentative article)
Please tick: Unsatis-
factory
Below Average
Average Good Excellent
A. Content
1. Providing background information about the issue
2. Stating one’s stance clearly
3. Presenting at least three valid reasons to support one’s stance 4. Supporting the reasons with appropriate details, (e.g. by
introducing expert opinion, statistics and cases or examples)
5. Including arguments from different perspectives
6. Addressing the opposing arguments and refuting them to strengthen one’s arguments
7. Writing about 300 to 400 words
B. Language and Style
1. Adopting a semi-formal and persuasive tone to present one’s views and arguments to the intended audience
2. Using suitable vocabulary related to the background of the issue, the proposal on compulsory community service
3. Using appropriate expressions and sentence structures to present different kinds of evidence (e.g. statistics, expert opinions)
4. Use appropriate expressions and structures to give reasons and show cause and effect relationship
5. Using appropriate expressions and sentence structures to address opposing views
6. Using the simple present tense to present general facts 7. Using rhetorical strategies to catch the reader’s attention (e.g.
rhetorical questions, imperatives, conditional sentences, inversions and other emphatic structures)
8. Using punctuation correctly and appropriately
9. Spelling words correctly C. Organisation
1. Five to six paragraphs, each with a clear focus
2. Using an organisational framework (i.e. an opening section to present the background information about the issue and one’s stance, a body to support one’s view with at least three arguments/reasons, and a conclusion to summarise one’s arguments and reiterate one’s stance)
3. Using topic sentences effectively and providing relevant details to create logical development of ideas in a paragraph
4. Using appropriate cohesive devices to establish connection between key arguments and paragraphs
For Teacher’s Use Section D
D. Teachers’ Comments
E. Students’ Reflections
Taking into consideration the teacher’s feedback and comments, I have identified some areas for further improvement and planned the follow-up actions:
Weaknesses / areas of improvement Actions to be taken e.g. I haven’t got enough
supporting details for my key arguments.
e.g.I will search the Internet for statistical data showing Hong Kong students’ poor self-management and problem- solving skills and check if any experts in this field (such as social workers and psychologists) have made any comments on this.
I need to seek advice/assistance from my teacher on the following areas:
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Peer /Self Assessment Form Date:
Task: Writing an article to the school newspaper arguing either for or against the proposal which requires students to undertake 50 hours of community service, in addition to the community services organised by the schools for the Other Learning Experiences (OLE), before students are allowed to graduate from secondary school.
Text Type: A school newspaper article (one-sided argumentative article)
Please tick: Needs
Improvement
Satisfactory Well Done A. Content
1. Providing background information about the issue (e.g. showing cases of Hong Kong students’ lack of self-management and problem-solving skills)
2. Stating one’s stance clearly (i.e. either agreeing or disagreeing with the proposal)
3. Suggesting at least three valid reasons to support one’s stance 4. Supporting the reasons with appropriate details, (e.g. by introducing expert
opinion, statistics and cases or examples)
5. Including arguments from different perspectives (e.g. from the angles of the students, parents, teachers, schools and society)
6. Addressing the opposing arguments and refuting them to strengthen one’s arguments
7. Writing about 300 to 400 words
B. Language and Style
1. Adopting a semi-formal and persuasive tone to present one’s views and arguments to the intended audience
2. Using suitable vocabulary related to the background of the issue, the proposal on compulsory community service (e.g. independence, interpersonal skills, care for others)
3. Using appropriate expressions and sentence structure (e.g. According to (sb/sthg), …; As said by (sb), …; A survey/research conducted by … showed that …”) to present different kinds of evidence (e.g. statistics, expert opinions)
4. Using appropriate expressions and structures to give reasons (e.g. I agree that … because…) and show cause and effect relationship (e.g. … will bring about/lead to …)
5. Using appropriate expressions and sentence structures to address opposing views (e.g. Some people may argue that …, but…)
6. Using the simple present tense to present general facts
7. Using rhetorical strategies to catch the reader’s attention (e.g. rhetorical questions, imperatives, conditional sentences, inversions and other emphatic structures)
8. Using punctuation correctly and appropriately
9. Spelling words correctly
C. Organisation
1. Five to six paragraphs, each with a clear focus
2. Using an organisational framework (i.e. an opening section to present the background information about the issue and one’s stance, a body to support one’s view with at least three reasons, and a conclusion to summarise one’s arguments and reiterate one’s stance)
3. Using topic sentences effectively and providing relevant details to create logical development of ideas in a paragraph
4. Using appropriate cohesive devices to establish connection between key arguments and paragraphs (e.g. The first reason why …is that…; In addition, …; Finally, …)
For Students’ Use
D. Other Comments
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Agr.
do not participate in the service willingly
Sample Script with Teacher’s Feedback
Topic: Some experts in education have observed that Hong Kong teenagers are too pampered and spoilt by their parents, resulting in their lack of self-management and problem-solving skills. One proposed solution to this problem is requiring students to undertake 50 hours of community service, in addition to the community services organised by the schools for the Other Learning Experiences (OLE), before they are allowed to graduate from secondary school. Write an article to the school newspaper to express whether you agree with this proposal and give at least three reasons for your view.
Student’s Work:
Effective use of a rhetorical question
True! I agree that forcing students to do voluntary work defeats the purpose.
Nice recap of the key argument
Many people comment that students in Hong Kong are only good at studying and have no life skills. Some experts have found that students in Hong Kong are poor at self-management and problem-solving skills because of the over-protection by their parents. Children are provided all they want, no matter whether it is necessary. Under this situation, some people have proposed that students should be required to undertake 50 hours of community service before they are allowed to graduate from secondary school. Can this proposal improve the current situation?
In my opinion, the proposal is not a good solution to the problem.
First, as Hong Kong students have little experience in social service, they may not know how to do it. If they just do it because they want to meet the requirement but without the heart of learning from this, they will not change much after the 50 hours of work. Their self-management and problem solving skills will still be the same. People may argue that this is still better than nothing and students may gain some experience from the process, but I think there are more effective ways to develop students’ skills than this. If the government insist on implementing this policy, the whole spirit of voluntary work will be gone as students are not willing to do it with the aim to serve others. Students cannot benefit from the social service and their time will be wasted.
Your opening contains too much directly copied information from the question. Could you come up with a more creative opening to show the importance of the issue? You may use dialogue, findings or some vivid
descriptions to build the scenario.
Consider stating your position in the first paragraph.
This may not be relevant to the main idea expressed in the rest of the paragraph.
Could you rephrase this to express the idea more
idiomatically?
Consider words like
“mindset” “intention”.
Could you give an example of one of the effective ways?
Section E
Uncountable
sp.
^
Thoughtful of you to take possible counter- arguments into account and try to address them
A very concise wrap-up showing your line of argument clearly Effective use of the parallel structure!
Nowadays, students in Hong Kong have to join a lot of extra-curricular activities such as music instrument classes, swimming courses and sports teams. These activities already occupy most of their free time. Students already feel that time is insufficient for coping with extra-curricular activities and their homeworks. If we take 50 hours more from their free time, which is supposed to be for entertainment and rest, students would be so tired and overloaded. Though we can ask students to do the voluntary work after their public examination at the end of S6, students should actually enjoy some fun and relax after a long long time of hard work. Force them to do social service exploit their rest and play time.
Moreover, self-management and problem solving skills will be acquired gradually as students grow up. When students enter society or job market, they have to deal with people and problems and think of solutions. It is not necessary for the government to take such strong action to fix the problem or push students to develop. When students graduate from secondary school and start working, they need to finish their duties and face the difficulties by theirself. They cannot depend on their teachers and parents anymore. This problem of poor self-management will not exist anymore.
In conclusion, the policy is ineffective, time-consuming and unnecessary. 50 hours of community service before graduating from secondary school should not be implemented.
You need a better topic sentence to show the focus of this paragraph
Chinglish. Try to rewrite using “…
deprives (sb) of (sthg)”
Would it be too late to wait till students enter the job market to develop such basic skills? Can they develop them earlier at school or home?
You seem to be repeating what’s already said. Add an example or quote from an expert to support your view.
The argument that the problem will cease to exist as students get a job may be too simplistic and weak.
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Teacher Assessment Form Date:
Task: Writing an article to the school newspaper arguing either for or against the proposal which requires students to undertake 50 hours of community service, in addition to the community services organised by the schools for the Other Learning Experiences (OLE), before students, are allowed to graduate from secondary school.
Text Type: A school newspaper article (one-sided argumentative article)
Please tick: Unsatis-
factory
Below Average
Average Good Excellent
A. Content
1. Providing background information about the issue
2. Stating one’s stance clearly
3. Presenting at least three valid reasons to support one’s stance 4. Supporting the reasons with appropriate details, (e.g. by
introducing expert opinion, statistics and cases or examples)
5. Including arguments from different perspectives
6. Addressing the opposing arguments and critique them to strengthen ones’ argument
7. Writing about 300 to 400 words
B. Language and Style
1. Adopting a semi-formal and persuasive tone to present one’s views and arguments to the intended audience
2. Using suitable vocabulary related to the background of the issue, the proposal on compulsory community service
3. Using appropriate expressions and sentence structures to present different kinds of evidence (e.g. statistics, expert opinions)
4. Use appropriate expressions and structures to give reasons and show cause and effect relationship
5. Using appropriate expressions and sentence structures to address opposing views
6. Using the simple present tense to present general facts 7. Using rhetorical strategies to catch the reader’s attention (e.g.
rhetorical questions, imperatives, conditional sentences, inversions and other emphatic structures)
8. Using punctuation correctly and appropriately
9. Spelling words correctly
C. Organisation
1. Five to six paragraphs, each with a clear focus
2. Using an organisational framework (i.e. an opening section to present the background information about the issue and one’s stance, a body to support one’s view with at least three arguments/reasons, and a conclusion to summarise one’s arguments and reiterate one’s stance)
3. Using topic sentences effectively and providing relevant details to create logical development of ideas in a paragraph
4. Using appropriate cohesive devices to establish connection between key arguments and paragraphs
For Teacher’s Use
D. Teachers’ Comments Chris,
You have presented your view clearly and made a good attempt to support your stance with three reasons.
Your third reason may not be solid enough. I suggest you strengthen it with more supporting details (e.g. examples, statistical data, a quotation from an expert) or replace it with a more convincing reason.
While thinking about stronger points to replace your third reason, try to approach the issue from a wider perspective. You have been focussing mainly on students so far, but the impacts of the proposal on other parties (e.g. schools/teachers, parents, the Government, or the community/society) are also worth considering.
Read through my comments in the margin and try to address them in your revision. Let me know if you need more advice. Keep up with the good efforts.
E. Students’ Reflections
Taking into consideration the teacher’s feedback and comments, I have identified some areas for further improvement and planned the follow-up actions:
Weaknesses / areas of improvement Actions to be taken e.g. I haven’t got enough
supporting details for my key arguments.
e.g.I will search the Internet for statistical data showing Hong Kong students’ poor self-management and problem- solving skills and check if any experts in this field (such as social workers and psychologists) have made any comments on this.
I need to seek advice/assistance from my teacher on the following areas:
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How to Provide Feedback or Comment on Learners’ Writing Effective feedback
closes the gap between present performance and desired standards
gives learners information to understand where they are in their learning and what to do next
aligns with the assessment criteria and learning objectives/goals
builds learner confidence and increases motivation, engagement and interest
helps to promote self-reflection and management and equips learners with metacognitive skills (e.g. self-evaluation and self-monitoring, directing and regulating of follow-up actions for improvement) essential for implementing assessment as learning
As shown in the sample script, teachers can give feedback in different ways to promote student learning, reflection and improvement. Considerations should be given to the following when deciding the kinds of feedback to be provided for a particular assessment task:
learning and assessment objectives
focus and purpose of the tasks
learners’ ability levels and preferences
the amount of time available
the communication style preferred
The table below shows different approaches to giving feedback and their key features:
Selective/focused
Focusing mainly on high-order/macro- level issues or key objectives of the assessment task
Identifying the most important issues learners should focus on for
improvement
Comprehensive/detailed
Focusing on every aspect of the writing, including grammatical and mechanical aspects of the writing
Correcting each individual error
Excessive markups may be visually overwhelming and not conducive to helping learners develop self-correction skills and identify priorities for
improvement Indirect feedback
Prompting learners to realise their problems and come up with solutions by offering cues, guidance and
opportunities for self-correction
Common ways: indicating errors through
Direct feedback
Correcting learners’ errors by giving explicit written corrections or rewriting the
problematic part for them
More useful for less advanced learners who may be unable to identify and correct
underlining, circling and using codes or posing referential and open questions in the margins to provoke thoughts
Useful in encouraging learners to reflect on aspects of their writing and formulate strategies for improvement
errors even indicated with codes for them
Appropriate in situations when errors that cannot be easily fixed through
self-correction, such as the choice of words and sentence patterns, or when teachers want to point out error patterns that require learners’ attention and
demonstrate effective revision strategies Comments in the margins
Providing an immediate and proximate index of strengths and weaknesses
Offering timely praise, criticism, and questions on a particular part of the writing
Providing concrete evidence to support the final / overall comments
Final / overall comments
Providing a big picture and a more general overview of the strengths and weaknesses of the work
Making references to the specific examples and points raised in the marginal
comments
Prioritising points for revision and future improvement
Formative comments
Intended to help learners revise their drafts
More developmental (focusing on growth rather than grading)
Focusing on directions and recommendations for revision
Appropriate for process writing
Summative comments
Evaluating the quality of a final product
Focusing on describing the strengths and the weaknesses of the work and explaining the final result awarded in connection to the performance
Respond as a reader
Adopting a more personal and less threatening tone
Relinquishing some of the authority of the assessor
Using more "I" statements as opposed to
"You" statements
Appropriate for more creative work (e.g.
poems, short stories)
Respond as an assessor
Adopting a more detached and authoritative tone
More diagnostic and corrective
Using more “You” or “Your work”
statements
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Other points to note in providing feedback:
Teachers should:
Before the assessment
Develop clear assessment criteria (in collaboration with learners if possible) for each task/assignment and communicate the success criteria to learners to ensure that they know how their work will be evaluated
When giving feedback
Read the entire work before giving feedback to avoid hasty judgement
Adopt a compassionate and encouraging tone to show learners that you understand what they have attempted to do and appreciate the efforts they have made
Adopt constructive criticism and use a descriptive tone, instead of an accusatory tone with anger and frustration, when pointing out the problems in learners’ performance
Use mitigated commentary or sandwiching compliments with critique to deliver the negative comments politely without disheartening the learners
Be specific and avoid vague comments such as “poor grammar”, “???”, “confusing”, “vague”
“good”. Point out specifically what has been done well or poorly and provide crucial information for them to improve their writing
Focus on the important issues instead of trying to cover all aspects of the writing
After learners’ receipt of feedback
Arrange conferencing sessions or small-group tutorials for learners to discuss the feedback received
Encourage learners to ask questions and seek clarification to establish a dialogue between the assessor and the assessed
Section F
Suggested Activities for More Advanced Students
For students with no difficulty fulfilling the basic task requirements (e.g. writing a five-paragraph essay of 300-400 words, supporting their stance with three relevant arguments ), the teacher may like to go beyond the basic level and draw their attention to other more advanced writing skills. Below are some areas that you may work on with your more advanced students.
1. A more effective and engaging introduction
Show students different openings and ask them to discuss the strategies the writers use to make the topic a matter of concern to readers and arouse their interest in reading.
Opening 1
The computer is an indispensable learning tool for students in Hong Kong. Yet, a recent survey revealed that nearly 15% of families in Hong Kong cannot afford to have a computer at home.
Students from these underprivileged families really deserve our attention and support. I believe that free computers should be provided to them.
Strategies used:
Opening 2
Melamine in milk, sex hormones in baby formula, Sudan Red in eggs – these are among the most shocking food contamination scandals in China, not to mention the countless unreported cases involving the use of toxic chemicals or unhygienic ingredients in food production. Do we need tighter food safety controls? The answer is an absolute yes.
Strategies used:
Opening 3
Have you heard of King’s Glory, Modern Education and Beacon College? I bet most Hong Kong students are familiar with these big names. As I know, every student in my class is taking tutorial classes outside school to prepare for the HKDSE examinations. While school teachers frown upon this practice, parents seem to support and students also consider this a key to success in public examinations. The issue of whether students should attend tutorial schools is one that divides many people and definitely deserves close examination.
Strategies used:
Opening 4
“Hey, shall we discuss the Liberal Studies project in the canteen after school?”
“I cannot make it. I have to rush to the Modern Education Centre for King Chan’s tutorial.”
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Does the conversation sound familiar to you? To many students, lessons don’t end when school breaks up at 4 pm because this is the beginning of their after-school tutorial classes. Are students really that keen to learn? Is attending tutorial classes necessary?
Strategies used:
Introduce to students some of the strategies used and encourage them to apply these strategies in their writing:
Using rhetorical questions to involve the readers
Building a scenario to show the importance of the issue (e.g. using dialogue and vivid descriptions)
Citing current news or recent findings to provide background information 2. Strength and quality of arguments
(a) Considering the issue from multiple perspectives
Ask students to list all the parties that the proposal (i.e. 50 hours of community service before graduation from secondary school) will affect and complete the following table:
Stakeholder group
How the proposal will affect them?
Ask students to discuss whether each of the parties are likely to support / oppose the proposal and which group(s) views or interest should be considered more when deciding whether to pass the proposal.
Guide students to see the importance of considering an issue from a wider perspective (e.g. parents, schools, society/the community, the Government) and remind them not to limit their three arguments to the impact of the proposal on students.
(b) Adding more substance and supporting details to enhance the arguments
Ask students to read a sample paragraph and identify different kinds of supporting details used:
Central argument:
The Hong Kong government should not give $6000 to permanent residents aged 18 or above Topic sentences:
The $6000 cash handout does not help to solve deep-rooted problems
According to Dr. Y Moneyback of The Everyday Economist, a cash handout does little to tackle social problems such as rising property prices and the wide wealth gap between the rich and the poor.
When a cash handout was adopted in Macau last year, people in general spent more money and the inflation rate went up.
An opinion poll has revealed that 55% of the respondents consider the
$6000 handout a short-term fix, while 35% express that they would spend the money right away on a phone upgrade or a short vacation.
Remind students the importance of including the following kinds of supporting details in their body paragraphs:
Examples / cases
Statistics
Expert opinions
3. A more appealing conclusion
Show students different closings and ask them to discuss the strategies the writers use to appeal to the readers.
Closing 1
Central argument: The government should provide free computers for students in needy families.
Computers play a vital role in students’ daily life and study. They enable students to finish assignments, provide a rich source of information and are a common means of socialisation. It is therefore clearly evident that every needy family should be provided with a free computer.
Strategies used:
Closing 2
Central argument: The government should tighten food safety controls.
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The problem of food contamination should be addressed immediately. The government must take prompt actions and pass new laws to safeguard the health of the public. Only through implementing tighter controls on food safety can we ensure the food we eat is free from toxic substances and disease. I look forward to the day when I need not worry about the safety of the food I eat.
Strategies used:
Closing 3
Central argument: Whether students should attend tutorial schools depends on their motives behind
“We strive for the best” is probably a motto shared by students, teachers, as well as the tutor kings and queens. Both secondary schools and tutorial schools aim at helping students to achieve excellence, though through different means. If students attend tutorial classes with an intention to extend their learning, rather than taking it as a shortcut to success in public exams, tutorial schools may not necessarily be an evil. No matter what, I still hope that students would value learning over exam results and owe their academic achievements not only to King’s Glory or Modern Education but also their own schools.
Strategies used:
Introduce to students some of the strategies used to conclude or end an argumentative essay and encourage them to apply these strategies in their writing:
recap / summarise the key points made
suggest solutions and appeal for action
express a wish
make reference to the opening
Part B: Assessment as Learning in Action
Building on the strengths and benefits of assessment for learning, which enhances learning and teaching through the provision of quality feedback and modification in teaching, learners at the senior secondary level can be guided to achieve independence in learning. Towards this end, assessment as learning, which serves as an extension and reinforcement of assessment for learning, can be introduced.
Assessment as learning is more student-centred as compared to assessment for learning in the sense that it addresses learners’ diverse language abilities, learning needs and interests according to their progress and pace in learning. Assessment as learning emphasises the engagement of learners who actively connect assessment to learning. Individual learners are guided to move forward in learning and attain their personalised learning goals. They take on the role as their own critical assessor in the process of learning, reflect on their own work and make judgment about how they can progress in learning.
In assessment as learning, learners are provided with opportunities to develop an awareness of their learning progress and performance in the assessment tasks by applying a range of self-reflection and monitoring skills. Self-assessment activities can be used to enable studnets to reflect on their own learning, identify areas of strengths and weaknesses, set their own personal goals and take ownership of their learning.
In the initial stage of incorporating assessment as learning into learning and teaching, teachers play an important role in helping learners to develop the capability to think about, plan and improve their own learning. Their directions and support at varying degrees enable learners to acquire and master self-reflective and monitoring skills in a progressive manner to achieve independence in learning. As learners gradually internalise the self-assessment strategies, teachers’ support is reduced to allow learners to take full responsibility for improving their own learning.
Assessment as Learning in Action
When learners have successfully exercised self-assessment in assessment for learning during their learning process (for more details, please refer to the students’ reflections on their teachers’
feedback in Part E of Section D, and the self-assessment form in Section D of the Supplementary Notes 1 on Assessment for Learning), they should be given greater autonomy to make progress in their own learning through assessment as learning, in which learners take charge of their own learning through setting their own learning goals, monitoring and evaluating their own learning.
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The following example illustrates how assessment as learning could be built on the good practice of assessment for learning to improve writing performance. Learners’ prior learning experience includes their own understanding of their performance based on the success criteria of a number of recently completed writing assignments and the feedback from teachers.
The example contains the following two sections:
Section A provides four activities and includes the following:
• Aims of the activity
• Students’ role in the activity
• Teachers’ role in the activity
Section B provides four sets of worksheets for the four learning activities in Section A:
• Worksheet I Appreciation of Good Sample Student Work
• Worksheet II Self-reflection and Goal-setting
• Worksheet III Revision of Learning Goals and Proposed Actions
• Worksheet IV Overall Self-evaluation
Section A
Activity 1: Self-reflection and Goal-setting
This activity aims to engage learners in assessment as learning through:
• reflecting on their own strengths and areas for growth in writing;
• reflecting on the comments from their teacher and peers;
• identifying their learning needs;
• setting short-term and long-term goals for improvement; and
• devising actions to attain the learning goals.
An Optional Activity (Before Activity 1)
If teachers reckon that students need additional practice and support on appreciating good sample writing, they may guide students to appreciate good sample student work by focussing on:
• ideas (e.g. creative/surprising ideas or convincing arguments);
• organsiation (e.g. effective sequencing and linking of ideas);
• language (e.g. good choice of vocabulary and correct grammatical structures of varying degrees of complexity);
• style (e.g. appropriate text forms and use of writing techniques)
Students reflect on the features that constitute a good piece of writing and complete Worksheet I.
Refer to Worksheet II
Students Teachers
• study the writing assignments they recently completed and the comments and feedback from their teacher and classmates;
• choose and compare their least and most satisfactory assignments, reflect on their strengths and weaknesses in writing and identify their learning needs; and
demonstrate, in a think-aloud mode, how to appreciate a piece of writing and point out areas for improvement;
