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exceptions to that. None of my informants has a serious fight with their family members when making their decisions.
4.1 Nuns Who Have No Marriage Before
Liang (F):
Liang is 42 years old now. She was born in a very traditional family of Tainan. She has two elder sisters and one elder brother. All her siblings believe in popular religion except her second sister whom is a Buddhist. Her great grandmother took away all the family’s property and left her family to become a nun despite the disapproval of her husband and children.141 She spent all the money to build a small temple for her own Buddhist practice. Later when she got sick and old, she went back to her
husband and children for help. Although her children were unwilling to take care of her, they still fulfilled their responsibility of filial piety. A few years later, her children built a small temple close to home, and sent her and her husband to live there. The above was a memory told by Liang’s mother to her. Her mother lived in that temple with both her grandparents when she was young. According to Liang’s mother, she and her sister spent most of their childhood in the temple because their parents were busy and unable to take care of them. Her stay at the temple was an unpleasant memory to her, but she never told Liang in details. Her memories about the temple were mostly negative, and that later led her to worry about her own daughter’s choice of joining the Order.
Before knowing anything about Buddhism, Liang worked as a junior supervisor
141 In here, although Liang mentioned that her great grandmother was a nun, I believe she was probably what people called “tsai gu 菜姑 or zhai gu 齋姑”, a vegetarian laywoman who insists to shave their hair, live in a temple, and practice Buddhism without getting ordained formally, at that time.
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at a department store in Kaohsiung. Her pay was good enough to make her life pretty well-off. She first encountered Buddhism in 2005. In that year, she knew about a temple in Pingtung through her friend. They visited the temple very often. There were two old nuns in their sixties living in that temple. One of them got very ill, and had to visit the hospital very often. Therefore, the nuns asked Liang, as a laywoman at that time, to take care of them. She agreed, and spent three months there. During the three month period, she thought about staying for longer, but she decided that she wanted to find another temple because she was not allowed to read any books during her stay in that temple. The two nuns barely had any knowledge about
Buddhist dharma; the only thing they did in the temple was doing funeral services or chanting for donation. At the time, she knew this was not the life she wanted. Thus, she went back to work in Kaohsiung, and when she had time, she would attend all kinds of activities in different temples. In 2006, she wanted to apply to C.F.S.
Buddhist College, but she accidentally applied to Tantric Practice Centre instead by mistake. She did not fix that mistake, and stayed at the centre to study Tantrism.
Tantric Practice Centre requires all lay people to be ordained after a year of stay or else one has to leave the centre. She decided to stay, so she was ordained as a sramanerika in the same year.
She had been working until she entered the Tantric Practice Centre, so she saved some money herself. Before joining the Order, she canceled all her insurances because she thought that she would not need it anymore. With her own saving, she paid her robes, application fees for bhikshuni ordination, daily needs, and her public health insurance. She mentioned that her eldest sister save her some money before going to the temple. The money was a payback for Liang’s cash gift given to her sister at the wedding. Liang’s family did not strongly oppose her decision to join the Order.
However, her mother was not so happy because she was worried about her
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daughter’s life in the monastery. As I mentioned before, her mother had unpleasant experience living in the temple. In addition, she knew it was insecure to have no savings when joining the Order. Despite her worries, she did not intervene with Liang’s decision. Starting in the year of 2009, Liang’s mother got very ill with cancer.
Therefore, she took several leaves from the monastery to take care of her mother.
Her family was in Tainan, so it was easier for her to go back once a while. Although her mother lived with her eldest sister, they did not have much time to take care of her mother when she was really ill. Thus, Liang asked for a longer leave in order to live with her mother and take care of her until she passed away.
Currently, Liang is still on leave. She is considering about going back to C.F.S. or not. She is taking some classes on hospice cares, and hopes to get a professional license. It will become a paid job if one gets the license, and she can make a living if she decides to live by her own. Her siblings helped her a little, but she knew that it is better for her to earn some money by her own. After the death of her mother, she moved out from her home and moved into a laywoman’s house. The laywoman offers food and shelter for monks and nuns who do not have a place to stay. Both her siblings and her still keep contact with each other.
In her case, Liang’s relationship with her mother and siblings were pretty good before she joined the Order. The same relationship lasted even after she joined the Order. Although she got some financial support from her eldest sister, in the reverse, she also provided medical support to her mother by taking care of her when she was ill. Moreover, the family’s approval for her decision is the greatest psychological support for her. By taking care of her mother, she also provided psychological supports to her family, too. Her mother was very happy to have Liang around when she was ill. Her siblings were also grateful for her willingness to take care of their mother for them. Their relationships remain positive.
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Shan (F)
Shan is 34 years old now. She grew up in Taichung, and later moved to
Kaohsiung with her family. Being the youngest among all eight siblings, she has three brothers and four sisters. Her parents are now in their seventies. Both of her parents believe in popular religion, and only the father is a vegetarian because of his belief.
Her grandfather from her father’s side became a monk at an old age. That could be part of the reasons that her father supported her decision of becoming a nun. On the other hand, Shan’s mother was disappointed about her choice, but she never stops her. Since she is the youngest, her parents love this kid dearly. However, her mother still likes male children more than female children. Thus, her mother’s relationships with all her other daughters are worse. She believes that her daughters should offer money to her so she can give them to her sons. Shan’s parents did not pay her tuition fee when she was in nursing school. It was her second sister who paid her tuition fee and offered her allowance during school years. Shan’s sister also brought Shan into Buddhist belief. Her sister works as an assistant supervisor in a hotel, and is
financially well-off. Therefore, she supports Shan financially after Shan moved to the temple as a laywoman.
Shan was ordained as a novice at the age of twenty-eight. According to Shan, her sister had already spent around 15,000 to 20,000 dollars142 on her expenses during her five- year-living in the monastery. These expenses including clothes, medical bills, daily needs, health foods, and even donations to the monastery because her sister believes that people in the monastery would treat Shan nicer if she donates. Without her sister’s help, her life in the monastery would be much tougher. With the allowance from the temple, it is quite difficult to cover her medical insurance, medical expenses, and basic needs, especially she has minor, but long
142 U.S. dollars
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term health problem. To her own description, she never thought about financial needs before moving into the monastery. Moreover, she has contact with her sister almost every other day after she joins the Order. She will ask for her sister’s opinion whenever she is down with blues. Thus, in addition to her sister’s financial supports, her psychological support is also important to Shan. Besides her second sister, she rarely contacts other siblings. However, she visits her sick and aging parents quite often when she serves at Kaohsiung branch temple.
Shan has many siblings, but she only keeps close relationship with her second sister. Because both of them have the same religious belief, that makes them even closer. Her second sister thought about becoming a nun long before Shan, but she knew she wasn’t able to. Shan mentioned about how her family counted on her second sister financially. Shan’s mother prefers boys over girls. With a spoiled childhood, all Shan’s brothers grew up to be irresponsible men. All of them still depend on their father’s income and their sister’s money gift to the parents.
Whenever one of her brothers has financial need, her mother would call all her daughter and ask for help. Therefore, her second sister knows very well that she cannot afford to stop working. She then puts all hope on Shan to fulfill her own dream, and that is why she provides Shan with great support both financially and psychologically. Before joining the Order, Shan never thought about her financial needs, but now she admits that the allowance from the temple is not enough to cover her needs. She is also afraid that the monastery would not provide good care when she is old, so does her second sister. Thus, her second sister told Shan that she had to prepare some savings for her old life. Strictly speaking, without her second sister’s financial support, Shan would face greater obstacles during her life in the monastery.
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Zhao (F)
Zhao is now forty years old. She was born and raised up in Kaohsiung. Being the third child of the family, she has two brothers and two sisters. Zhao’s family believes in popular religion until she encountered Buddhism. Her relationship with the family was weak when she was a laywoman. She lived outside and worked by herself for years. However, her connection with her father was strong. According to her, her mother treated her badly when she was a kid. It was her father who took care of her and gave her love for most of the time. Her family was poor, and she was quite unhealthy throughout her childhood. To her, her childhood memories seem to have more sadness than happiness. Among the siblings, she felt that she was more close to her younger sister than others. Despite that, she was mostly alone when she started working after graduated from high school. In 1989, her friend introduced her to Buddhism. From then, she started to attend activities and volunteered in C.F.S. She studied fine art during high school, so she volunteered to teach a fine art class in C.F.S.’s Kaohsiung branch for eight months before she joined the Order. She never told anyone in her family about her religious belief because she was never close to anyone of them. She loved her father, but she was afraid to talk about this with him.
Finally, she decided to study in C.F.S. Buddhist College. Therefore, she asked her father to give her a ride and accompanied her to the college in Tainan. Her father was shocked when first knew about her decision, but he still accompanied her to the College. On the way to the monastery, her father told her to make sure C.F.S. was a reliable religious institution. At the time, there was an incident that a group of students got ordained in a Buddhist monastery without their parent’s permission.
Zhao’s father was worried about her being fooled. When her father saw the
monastery’s environment and the college, he believed that it was a reliable religious institution, and left without any worry. Zhao was first ordained in 1991.
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Zhao’s siblings thought that she was crazy of wanting to be a nun, and her mother was very unhappy about her choice. Zhao’s mother believed that all her children should get a job, so they could give her money every month. Zhao said that the money they gave to her mother was not for the family but for her mother’s private saving only. To Zhao, her mother is selfish and unlovable. Zhao did not have much money with her when joining the Order. Her family was poor, and the only one who would give her money was her father. Although he did not have much money, he would give Zhao as much as he could whenever he went to visit her in Tainan. This money really helped her a lot because she has asthma, so she needed money to buy medicine, and the allowance was unable to cover this medical expense. Besides, she had other basic spending every month. When she was a kid, she was more close to her younger sister, but it changed after she joined the Order. She is more close to her elder sister now. Her elder sister became a Buddhist with Zhao’s influence. She
cannot give her any money because all her salary goes back to their mother. However, they count on each other psychologically. Zhao doesn’t know about the reason for such a change, but it is not important anymore. During her two years of stay in the monastery, she faced many challenges, and struggled to get along with others. When finally she could not take it anymore, she decided to disrobe out of anger and
resentment.143
After Zhao left the monastery, her father was disappointed and angry. To him, he knew her daughter had a bad temper and impulsive personality. He really thought she should settle down in the monastery. Because of her father’s attitude, she had been very depressed for a while. She had no money at all, so she needed to find a job.
Since she had skill in fine art, it wasn’t too hard for her to get a job at that time. She then moved out from her home and lived by herself. She worked for different jobs
143 Disrobing means that a nun or a monk returns to his or her lay life again.
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during that time. Her latest job was the director of a TV program. That was her most successful career in her lifetime. However, her success in career did not promise her a happy life. Her younger brother has always been a trouble maker. His life, according to Zhao, is miserable and troublesome. Because of his argument with another man in an illegal casino, his father was mistakenly attacked by the man. He died from the injury within a week. After the death of her father, she restarted to think about the meaning of her life, and her father’s wish to see her rejoining the Order.
After six years of her time of disrobing, she decided to rejoin the Order. With the old Chan master’s permission, she was ordained again in 2001.144 It has been almost ten years so far, she is still close to her elder sister. She is the only one in the family who Zhao prefers to talk to. Both of her sisters are single, and her brother is the only child in the family who is married. Zhao’s relationship with her mother, as mentioned before, is still bad. This time, she has no financial help from her family.
Currently, she studies part-time in the university. She receives financial helps from other monastic members in the community and laypeople. In one emergency case, she even had to borrow money to help her elder sister out. When she was asked about her retirement life, she said that she never thought about that. Personally, she cannot be sure whether the monastery will take care of her when she gets old or not, and she believes that it is not time yet to think about that problem.
In Zhao’s case, her father and elder sister were the only two members who were close to her after she joined the Sangha. She did not get much of the financial
supports from her family; instead, she had to help her elder sister financially
sometimes. Zhao did not come from a happy family. With her mother’s preference of male child over female child, she did not get much of her mother’s love since she was
144 According to Mula-sarvastivata-vinaya-ksudraka-vastu and Shi song lu (十誦律), if a bhikkhuni disrobes, she cannot rejoin the Order as a sramanerika, siksamana, or bhikshuni again. In Zhao’s case, it surely was an exception in any Buddhist monastic community.
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a kid. Such a negative relationship tends to last even after one gets married or like Zhao, becomes a nun. Deeply in her mother’s mind, she believes that Zhao should get a job, so she is able to offer money to her. Zhao blames her father’s death on her younger brother. She told me that he is sick with cancer now, but she never feels sorry for him. Sometimes, she has contact with her elder brother and younger sister just because they still have blood relation. Besides that, they are not the one she will find for psychological support. Although she needs the monastery to pay off her medical bill because she is not financially well-off, she never asks for it. She turns to other people, both laypeople and friends, for help. This does not only happen to Zhao, as all cases above, everybody seems to be afraid of being rejected by the
a kid. Such a negative relationship tends to last even after one gets married or like Zhao, becomes a nun. Deeply in her mother’s mind, she believes that Zhao should get a job, so she is able to offer money to her. Zhao blames her father’s death on her younger brother. She told me that he is sick with cancer now, but she never feels sorry for him. Sometimes, she has contact with her elder brother and younger sister just because they still have blood relation. Besides that, they are not the one she will find for psychological support. Although she needs the monastery to pay off her medical bill because she is not financially well-off, she never asks for it. She turns to other people, both laypeople and friends, for help. This does not only happen to Zhao, as all cases above, everybody seems to be afraid of being rejected by the