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helps. This is always true for those who have children. A monastic community depends on disciples, but family supports are also important for its members especially when the monastery does not fulfill its responsibilities caring for its members. Thus, they have to search other resources for help when they need. For instance, if a monastery refuses to pay medical expenses for a sick member, then he or she would have to turn to their families or disciples for helps. This should not happen, but one can always find a case in different Taiwanese monasteries.
Particularly on this topic, there is always some distance between the ideal and the reality.
4.4 Other Cases
I included five more cases that I had heard from other informants or from them personally. I did not engage formal interview with them, but their cases can also give us some information on their relationships with natal families before and during their monastic lives. In the above cases, my interviewed informants all need supports from their families. On the other hand, there are also some monks and nuns who have to depend on themselves on own will or for other reasons. There are many couples, brothers and sisters, and mother and children who have been ordained in C.F.S. They are able to support each other within the same monastic community, but sometimes they also have to share family burdens.
Xun (F) and Zhuan (F):
Xun and Zhuan are sisters. They grew up in a poor family in Pintung. Both are in their fifties, and Xun joined the Order before Zhuan. Xun and Zhuan have two
younger brothers and one younger sister. Coming from a poor family, they had to look after themselves since young. Their parents died when they were still kids, so
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Xun took over the responsibilities raising her other siblings up as the eldest kid. Xun and Zhuan only finished junior high school, but they learned sewing skill in a factory from other tailors. After graduating from junior high school, Xun and Zhuan became tailors. Their working lives were quite happy because they earned more than enough to make a living. Xun and Zhuan’s family has a religious belief in popular religions.
They went to temples often like all other villagers. Xun and Zhuan did not know the distinction between Buddhism and popular religion, but they both liked worshiping Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva (guan-yin 觀音). Thus, Buddhism is not that unfamiliar to them. Xun and Zhuan knew about C.F.S. from their friends, and started attending Buddhist classes in Kaohsiung since then. Xun was ordained first in her later thirties.
Zuan joined the Order a few years later when she was around thirty-five. Both had some savings and labour insurance from working, so they were not worried about saving some money before going to the monastery. However, when asked, they still felt that having some savings was quite important before joining the Order. Until now, they still pay their public health insurance by their own. Zhuan wanted to become a nun earlier, but she had to take care of her sick sister at that time. A few year after Xun’s ordination, their younger sister committed suicide by drinking pesticide. It did not kill her, but there were a lot of side effects after that. Therefore, she needed to be cared twenty-four hours a day. At first, Xun took a leave from the monastery to take care of her younger sister. Later, Zhuan decided to take over the responsibility because Xun could not stay at home forever. Zhuan started to work at home, so she could look after her younger sister at the same time. Both Xuna nd Zhuan knew that their younger sister would die eventually due to her illness, but they did not know exactly when. Their younger sister died a few years later, and Zhuan joined the Order after her sister’s funeral.
In Xun and Zhuan’s case, their family burden once blocked their decision to
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pursue their life choice. If Zhuan did not take over the responsibility of taking care of their younger sister, then Xun would have no choice but going back home for longer time. On the other hand, Zhuan postponed her decision to join the Order for both of her sisters. Therefore, even though Xun and Zhuan do not need their family’s support during their monastic lives, they still have responsibility to fulfill. To their younger sister, Xun and Zhuan became family’s supporter. Becoming a monk or a nun, or leaving secular world, does not free one from his or her responsibilities to their natal or married family. Sometimes, they share more family burden than other lay siblings.
This is the case.
Li (F):
Li was born and grew up in Keelung; she has two younger brothers. Li’s father worked as a public server, and he died in 2009. Li’s mother is a housewife and a Buddhist. Li’s father and two siblings do not have religious belief, nor do they believe in popular religions like others. Both of her brothers have high education and good job now. Li knew about C.F.S. from attending its Buddhist youth summer camp. She was always interested in knowing more about Buddhist philosophy when she was young. After attending the summer camp, she had the decision of joining the Order in her mind. Few years after finishing her master’s degree in foreign language, she got ordained as the old Chan master’s disciple. Her family was opposed to her
decision especially her father. He was not willing to see her daughter becoming a nun, but the struggle did not go for long. Her father had a belief that her daughter should pursue a PhD degree, and he knew she could do that. Therefore, Li went overseas to study her PhD degree in Buddhism about five years of her monastic life. She had not much saving before entering the monastery, so she could not afford expensive tuition and living expenses overseas. Actually, it was her father’s request for her to continue
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her higher education. Li’s father paid for all her tuition and living expense. During her study, she sometimes worked part-time to earn some extra money. She also lectured Buddhist classes, so she got some helps from local Buddhists, too. In total, she spent ten years in getting her PhD degree. She was in her early forties when she came back to Taiwan. She did not stay at the monastery for too long. Instead, she found a job teaching in a university. Her father retired when she started teaching I knew that she had some family problems because her mother did not fulfill her duty in taking care of her sick husband, and two of her brothers were not willing to do that, too. Thus, her father moved to a sanatorium. She helped paying the fee and expenses for her father because without his help, she could never continue her study. One of Li’s close friends told me that she was not close to her mother and two other brothers. She thought that her mother had neglected her father, and two other siblings also did not care much. Moreover, her mother prefers male child over female child, but her father was good to her. Ever since she was ordained, she was only close to her father.
The monastery did not give Li financial help when she decided to study overseas.
She got some donations from lay people, but the money was not from the monastery.
Without her father’s financial help, Li could never get her PhD degree overseas. In return to her father’s generosity, she took care of her father’s late life, too. For most of monks and nuns who want to continue their study, their family’s helps are crucial unless the monastery or lay supporters are willing to give full helps. Compare to Yue’s sister, Li is luckier.
Panshi (F):
Panshi is sixty three now. She has joined the Order for over thirty years. She was born and raised in Kaohsiung City with two younger brothers and one younger sister.
She was from a wealthy family, and her parents owned a small business. At young,
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she had to take care of her other siblings because her parents were very busy with their business, and she was the eldest kid in the family. Therefore, she has very close relationship with other siblings since young. After graduating from college, she worked in a trading company for ten years. She knew about the old Chan master from C.F.S.’ magazine, and began to be interested in Buddhism. When she finally decided to become a nun, her parents were very worried about her. Although her parents had religious belief in popular religion at that time, they knew monastic life was hard and suffering. Panshi grew up in a wealthy family, so her parents had doubts on whether she could get used to monastic life or not. When she finally became a nun, her mother visited several times to make sure she was alright. Panshi and her sister told me that her parents gave her five thousand Taiwanese dollars every month as allowance after she became a nun. That was a lot of money thirty years ago, so she had no problem in preparing things for her ordination. In the first few years, she struggled in the monastery, too. She went back home a few times, and her mother told her to stay so that she would built a temple for her. However, she decided to go back to C.F.S. During her monastic life, her family relatives and friends also became Buddhists and supporters of C.F.S. under her influences. Panshi’s parents and first brother died for many years. Panshi’s younger sister is a very supportive lay member of C.F.S. She involves in many volunteering works and activities of C.F.S. When Panshi was sick with breast cancer, her sister came and live in the temple to take care of Panshi because she was a nurse before getting married.
Panshi has a strong tie with her family, and she cared about them very much. There was once when her sister and brother-in-law going out for a trip, she helped taking care of her niece and nephews for her. Unlike stereotypical belief, leaving home and joining monastic community never stops her being close to her natal family. Panshi has been ordained for over thirty years, so she is freed from all monastic positions.
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Now, she can spend her time on her free will. She plans to visit her niece and nephew in United State and travel with her sister.
For Panshi, her family provides great support to her. The family’s approval of Panshi on her different life choice is a strong psychological support to her. Panshi’s good relations with her family relatives and friends also brought benefits to C.F.S.
They became lay supporters of C.F.S. Moreover, Panshi’s family never leaves her any family burden like others. Her monastic life is much easier and smoother than most of other monastic members on this aspect.
Zhan (F):
Zhan is in her later forties now, and she has been ordained for about fifteen years. She rarely talked to someone about her family, but we had a conversation before, and that was the first time she talked to me about her natal and married family. She was born and raised in Kaohsiung. At young, her parents were hard on her because she was a girl. Her brothers got most of her parents’ love and care, and girls had to help out the house chores like servants. She thought that was not fair, but she could not stand against to her parents’ order at a young age. She told me that she had always wanted to leave home as soon as she can. In order to escape from her natal family, she got married right after she finished her high school. Zhan’s ex-husband was much older than her, and she did not love him at the time. Besides that, her marriage was her parents’ arrangement, so she should be angry with that, but because she wanted to leave home as soon as she can, she agreed to that arrangement. Zhan did not talk about her ex-husband much, but I could tell that he was good to her. Zhan and her husband have one daughter. During the conversation, she did not mention any of her siblings, and I did not ask. Although her ex-husband treated her better than her parents, she still had the feeling of emptiness. Zhan’s
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friends introduced Buddhism to her, so she started to have another life focus. She attended many Buddhist classes and activities whenever she was free from family and work. In her mind, she wanted to become a member of the monastic community.
Before she had that plan in mind, she had already divorced with her ex-husband.
Their separation was quite peaceful, and her ex-husband was willing to take care of their daughter; Zhan was able to visit her whenever she wanted. After Zhan joined the Order, she still has contact with her daughter, and both her ex-husband and daughter knew about her decision. Financially, she was very independent because she had worked for many years. Even if she wanted to rely on someone, she knew it very well that none of her natal family relative would support. Her relationship with her parents and siblings had always been cold before and after she married, so there was not much difference after she joined the Order.
For Zhan, she was never close to her parents or siblings since she was a kid. Her relationship with her natal family was the one she always wanted to escape from. In order to leave her natal family, she jumped into another extended relationship at a young age, but she was not used to her married life. Religion was a spiritual support for her, and she did find herself happier in monastic life. Although she divorced long before she joined the Order, her daughter was a good psychological support to her.
She ended her marriage with her ex-husband peacefully, so she was able to remain a good relationship with her ex-husband and daughter. If Zhan did not start the
conversation about her family with me, I could never tell that she had married before and had a daughter. Zhan did not like to talk about her family. I think it is because she is not close to them. Zhan is a rare case in my research field because she has no contact with her natal family after she joined the Order, so she receives no support from them.
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Chen (M):
Chen is in his fifties now, and he has joined the Order for about two years. He was a lay disciple of C.F.S. before joining the Order. Chen was born and raised in Tainan County, and he lived with his parents after he married. He opened an optical store with his parents’ help. Chen’s parents were Buddhists, so Chen and his other siblings were familiar with Buddhist monasteries, too. The main temple of C.F.S. was located near where Chen lived, so he went to the temple often, and later became a lay disciple of the old Chan master. He was very involved in C.F.S.’ activities, and he had supported C.F.S. for more than ten years before becoming a monk. Beginning in the year of 2004, Chen’s several male relatives died for sudden and unexplainable cause of death. At first, he did not know there was something weir with their cause of death, but after a few more male relatives died successively, he knew there was something wrong. Chen himself was the last one in the family who, he believed strongly, suffered from the retribution of family’s bad karma. He was diagnosed of cancer at that time. He was still young, and afraid of death. Thus, he asked the temple to do private Buddhist rituals for him in order to cease his family’s disasters.
Chen believed those Buddhist rituals helped him, and his illness was getting controlled. After he was recovered from cancer, he had a thought of becoming a monk. Chen’s parents had passed away at that time, so he only had to talk to his wife and children about his plan. Chen’s wife knew about what had happened to his family and him very well, and she was a devoted Buddhist herself. Therefore, she was glad to see him becoming a monk. Chen’s wife has no problem of making a living with their children because they have their own small business. That is why Chen can leave his home without any worry. In addition to that, he lived in the main temple of C.F.S., so his wife and children can visit him at any time they want.
Chen has his wife’s support in becoming a monk. It is because of his wife’s
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willingness to take over the family’s responsibilities for him so that he is able to achieve his goal. Chen still remains close relationship with his family, and most of them are also lay disciples of C.F.S. After recovering from a lethal illness, it is understandable why he wants to join the Order. No one in his family has any opposition to his decision. To Chen, he is grateful for his wife’s understanding and supports. Becoming a monk or a nun is not just a personal matter especially in our society which puts family value before personal need. For those who have been married with children, they definitely need others’ supports to look after their children. Then, family members become the first choice of being care givers. All my informants rely on another relative to take care of their children. Even some of my informants provide enough money to support their children, they still need someone to be care givers. Thus, the helps of their families are very important to them.