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3.9 Monastic Rules and Prohibitions on kin relations of Monks and Nuns Buddhist disciplines for monks and nuns did not set specific rules regarding the relationship between monks and nuns and their relatives beside material supporting matters and obligations of filial piety. In monastic disciplines for monks, they were not allowed to ask a lay person for robes or pieces of cloth unless they were very close relatives or devoted followers.135 There were exceptions to that rule. When a monk’s robes had been stolen or destroyed, they could ask for robes from unrelated lay people or someone who was not devoted followers.136 The same precept can also be found in many other Vinaya sutras such as the Dharmaguptaka Vinaya for both monks and nuns. Not only monks and nuns were not allowed to ask for robes or pieces of cloth from an unrelated lay person or someone who was not devoted follower, they were not allowed to beg for threads and ask lay people of the above two categories to weave the threads for them.137 Although monks and nuns were allowed to beg for robes and cloths from relatives or devoted followers, many rules in Buddhist monastic disciplines still prohibited them keeping more than whatever they needed. That was to prevent one from being greedy and from lay criticisms.
What was interesting in these rules was that asking material supports from close relatives or friends was allowed by the Buddha. As I discussed before, a monk from Sherpas society needed his family’s financial supports to pay the living cost in the monastery, and according to Tambiah, each male has to enter the monastic life at least once in his life, and their parents would prepare things that their son needed for tonsure ceremony.138 The act of being a monk in Thailand was considered as a filial deed because it generated merits for the monk’s parents. The relationship
135 Wijayaratna, 1990, pp.43.
136 Wijayaratna, 1990, pp.43.
137 See T.22: n.1429 for Bhikshu Disciplines and T.22: n.1431 for Bhikshuni in Dharmaguptaka Vinaya.
138 Tambiah, 1970, pp.104.
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between the monk and his parents is like the mutual relationship between the live descendents and dead ancestors in the ideology of Confucian filial piety. Close relatives and friends of monks and nuns, or devoted Buddhist lay disciples are more likely than others to be more willing to support them with respects. Furthermore, I believed the Buddha set the rule to prohibit monks and nuns asking for material offerings because he wanted to avoid criticisms and ridicules of the non-Buddhists at that time. Although monks and nuns are highly discouraged to accept personal offering from lay Buddhists, taking donations from relatives and personal friends are permitted by almost all monasteries in Taiwan.
Each monastery will have its own code of conducts or common regulations for its monastic members. Whether one can keep close tie with their relatives
sometimes depends on the decision makers’ personal point of view. In C.F.S., there is no specific rule prohibiting a member from keeping a relationship with relatives or friends. There are only two rules in regarding with member’s relatives and friends in C.F.S. One, accepting personal donation is only allowed when the donator is the member’s relatives or personal friends; second, a member cannot keep a relative or friend over night without informing the monastery.139 Monastic members are allowed to keep contact with their relatives and friends without the monastery’s intervention. As stated before, Fo Guang Shan Monastery of Southern Taiwan invites their monastic members’ parents to visit the monastery and their children twice a year. The founder monk of Fo Guang Shan Monastery addresses the parents of his monastic disciples as in-laws. Most of the monasteries in Taiwan that I have known about will not intervene with their monastic member’s relationships with relatives.
However, some monasteries have rules and regulations on that. In Puyi Yuan Monastery of Taiwan, monastic members are not allowed to make phone calls too
139 See the common regulations of the monastic community of C.F.S.
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often to their relatives unless necessary. Members in Puyi Yuan Monastery cannot keep a cell phone, and junior members are not allowed to use the internet; they also have to inform the decision makers about the reason for calling if they need to make a phone call. With rules likes these, there is not much chance for a member to keep close contact with relatives and friends. Their reason for setting these rules is to prevent too much reliance of a new member on their relatives. Puyi Yuan Monastery has strict rules that give less freedom to its monastic members comparing to other monasteries. However, each member will have one to two days off from the monastic duties in order to visit their families after Chinese New Year’s holiday.
Moreover, this monastery provides good welfare for members’ parent, too.
According to the founder of the monastery, if a member’s mother is sick without any dependent, she can live in the monastery, and they will take care of her to their best.
Member’s fathers are not allowed to live in the monastery if they need because it is a nunnery. There are some monasteries, which I have heard about, forbidding
monastic members to have any contact not just with their relatives and friends but also the outside. Monasteries like those often have more problems within their religious institutions than the outsiders can ever think of. Unlike traditional concept of monastic life, many monks and nuns never stop their relationship and contact with their relatives. Co-dependent relationships can be found among these monastic members and their relatives today like in the Buddha’s time. I will provide real examples from my interviews with monks and nuns of C.F.S. in the next chapter.
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Chapter Four: Kin Relations of Monks and Nuns in Real Cases
There are seven real cases included in the first part of this chapter. These
interviews were conducted between the years of 2009 to 2010. I have divided these informants into two categories: monks or nuns who had marriage and those who have never been married before joining the Order. For those who had married before, their relationship with their families can be more complex because of the extended family structure. In addition, most of them have children from their marriage, so they tend to have closer relationship with their ex-wives, ex-husbands or extended family members due to this reason even after they joined the monastic community. In my research, monks are more willingly to talk about their previous marriage life than nuns. Although not in my cases, some of the nuns would hide the fact of being married before to others. The reason for that goes back to what I have mentioned in the second chapter; people believe married men or women have more bad
mannerism140 or habits than unmarried men and women. In C.F.S., there are a high percentage of its members having marriage before because there is no restriction on one’s age and previous marital status at the time of their novice ordination. Unlike before, the age at the time of novice ordination has been increasing recently in C.F.S.
From my own knowledge, this happens in most of other Buddhist monasteries in Taiwan, too. Whether a monk’s or a nun’s family members accept his or her choice of becoming a monk or nun would affect their future relationship, but there are also
140 Stereotypically, people believe that female is easier to attach with someone or something emotionally, and they will have a harder time to cope with the monastic life because they cannot really put aside their previous family life memories especially those who have been married before.
Some of them still have family burdens that they have to carry even after entering the monastery.
Therefore, in order to prevent such a problem, some nunneries refuse to tonsure someone who has married before. So far, I have never heard about a monk who has been married before is rejected of novice ordination for that reason. In monasteries where they have both monks and nuns, most of them do not have that restriction. In addition, woman has been described having many feminine body languages that are improper when one becomes a nun. One is encouraged to show and learn
masculinity after becoming a nun.
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exceptions to that. None of my informants has a serious fight with their family members when making their decisions.