男同志肌肉狂熱現象初探 - 政大學術集成

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(1)國立政治大學國際傳播英語碩士學位學程 International Master’s Program in International Communication Studies College of Communication National Chengchi University. 碩士論文. Master’s Thesis. 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. 男同志肌肉狂熱現象初探 Does Size of Muscles Matter?: Gym Culture, Body Image, and the Gay Identity in Taipei. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. n. v i n Student:CChung-lun 王崇倫 h e n g cWang hi U. Advisor: Professor Hong-chi Shiau 蕭宏祺教授. . 中華民國 101 年 12 月 December 2012.

(2) 國立政治大學國際傳播英語碩士學位學程 International Master’s Program in International Communication Studies College of Communication National Chengchi University . 碩士論文. Master’s Thesis . 學. . ‧ 國. 立. 政治大 . ‧. 男同志肌肉狂熱現象初探 Does Size of Muscles Matter?: Gym Culture, Body Image, and the Gay Identity in Taipei. n. Ch. en. y. sit. io. al. . er. Nat. . hi. i n U. v. g cWang 王崇倫 Student: Chung-lun Advisor: Professor Hong-‐chi Shiau 蕭宏祺教授 . 中華民國 101 年 12 月 December 2012 . i .

(3) 男同志肌肉狂熱現象初探 Does Size of Muscles Matter?: Gym Culture, Body Image, and the Gay Identity in Taipei . . . 研究生：王崇倫 Student: Chung-‐lun Wang 指導教授：蕭宏祺教授 Advisor: Professor Hong-‐chi Shiau . 國立政治大學國際傳播英語碩士學位學程碩士論文 . 學. ‧ 國. 立. 政治大 . ‧. A Thesis Submitted to International Master’s Program in International Communication Studies National Chengchi University In partial fulfillment of the Requirement For athe degree of Master of Arts . n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. iv l C n h e n g c h i U . 中華民國 101 年 12 月 December 2012 . ii .

(4) Acknowledgement It is finally my turn to write my own acknowledgement. I spend almost five years to get master’s degree due to my heavy workload at work, and I once thought that I couldn’t finish this thesis because I did not know if I had sufficient capability or, simply speaking, perseverance. But this final version of my thesis proves everything. Without Professor Hsiao, I could never carry out my thesis. I feel thankful when you were willing to be my advisor even though I had not attended you classes. Thank you for giving me plenty of constructive and useful suggestions to guide me in a. 政治大. correct way. I also have to thank you for giving me full support and treating me more like a friend.. 立. ‧ 國. 學. My family to me is also a huge strength to keep me going, especially my mom. Although some critical events happened to me at the very end of my thesis writing. ‧. process, my mom still accompanied me and offered me strength to pass my final. sit. y. Nat. defense. I love you, Mom!. io. er. Lucy and Lily are two real great friends of mine no matter good times or bad. al. times in my life. You are the best gifts from God in my entire life. It’s really my luck. n. v i n C h we are worlds apart to have you by my side, even though e n g c h i U now. But you know, some day we will definitely eat, chat and laugh together no matter where we will be!!!! I love you. Teamo. Ich liebe dich. 我愛妳們!. The most important person in my life so far is definitely my boyfriend, Hsiang. Thank you for making my life complement. All these years, you have accompanied me through different difficulties and challenges. I do not know how to express more how much I love you. I cannot be myself without your support. It is you that encourage me to go this far. I want you to be with me every day until we are both aged. And at that time, how blessed we can still have each other! I love you and iii .

(5) thanks for your full support for me for 7 years. Thanks again to all who have helped when I am in need. Without you, I cannot have this thesis carried out. Lots of kisses to all of my friends, my family and my beloved Hsiang! Your Lenny Dec. 23th, 2012. 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. iv . i n U. v.

(6) Abstract Earlier academic efforts on gay men’s body image were by and large made in a western context. Given that, this study is set out to address the academic gap by answering two questions: why bodybuilding has become a prevailing trend for gay men in Taiwan, and what is the relationship between bodybuilding and the nascent gay identity. With the phenomenology approach in mind, this study employed ethnographic methods to retrieve three gay men's life stories. The results indicate that gay men often started bodybuilding project after their life crises, and being muscular. 政治大 However, the outcome of bodybuilding is mixed in the long run. Another important 立 does instantly enhance positive images and self-confidence among the informants.. ‧ 國. 學. finding suggests that the demand for bodybuilding is accelerated by the new social media venues ranging from gay parties or other social occasions, to the prevalence of. ‧. geosocial networking applications on smart phones, and to social networking sites. sit. y. Nat. like Facebook. As result of these new venues, this paper examines the new body type. io. al. er. labels in the Taiwanese gay scene, indicating that bears and wolves with muscles are. n. seen as more desirable than others in the Taiwanese gay community.. Ch. engchi. v . i n U. v.

(7) Contents Chapter 1: Introduction. 1~9. Chapter 2: Literature Review 2.1 Pierre Bourdieu – Theory of Practice. 10 ~ 14. 2.2 Gym Culture. 15 ~ 19. 2.3 Reflexive Embodiment. 20 ~ 22. 2.4 Minority Stress. 23 ~ 25. Chapter 3: Research Design and Method 3.1 Research Structure 3.2 Rationale. 立. 26 ~ 27. 政治大. 27 ~ 29 30 ~ 32. 3.4 Research Method. 32 ~ 33. ‧ 國. 學. 3.3 Research Design and Informants. Chapter 4: Results And Discussion. ‧. 4.1 Life Stories. sit. y. Nat. 4.2 Discussion. 31 ~ 44. al. er. io. 4.2.1 Workout is a lifestyle. n. 4.2.2 Traditional Media Use. Ch. engchi U. 4.2.3 Muscles As Capital in New Media Use. v ni. 45 ~ 46 47 ~ 48 49 ~ 51. 4.2.4 Self-esteem restoration and gay identity improving. 52 ~ 54. 4.2.5 Gay labels in Taiwan. 55 ~ 61. Chapter 5: Reflection, Conclusion and Suggestion 5.1 Reflection. 62 ~ 63. 5.2 Conclusion. 63 ~ 65. 5.3 Suggestion. 65 ~ 66. Appendix: Gay labels and scenes of gyms. 67 ~ 72. References. 73 ~ 76. vi .

(8) Chapter 1 Introduction Every time I join school reunions, I feel that I am so proud to be gay because those of my straight and classmates who had gorgeous look once become so withered and corpulent. Straight men do not care about their appearance and figure as gay men do. Most of the gay men go to gym after they finish a long-day work, while straight men either work overtime in the office or rush home to spend time with their family and end up watching TV all night long. Or when people walk in the East district in Taipei, they tend to see many muscular gay guys walking around. I start to think about why. 政治大. gay men concern muscles more than their straight counterparts do, which nurtures the. 立. present research.. ‧ 國. 學. As an open gay, I am curious about why most of the gay men around me are so. ‧. fanatic about being muscular, including me. Decades ago, once people around me were aware of my gay identity, it was generally followed by the typical question,. y. Nat. io. sit. “Why don’t I look sissy or effeminate like all the TV portrayals?” People still ask me. n. al. er. questions now when they realize my sexual identity; however, they begin with the. Ch. i n U. v. question, “Why gay men look so strong?” Indeed, straight people associate working. engchi. out with gay male. I can’t tell exactly when this phenomenon started and why this stereotypically feminine image of gay group has changed. Not only have general public’s views towards gay men changed, but gay people’s aesthetic value has altered dramatically too. Just as I mentioned above, most, if not all, of the gay men inundate the gym after a long-day work, trying to curve their body physique into another Statue of David. Testosterone and strong male hormone fill the weight training area. Each gay man turns their “gaydar” on with eyes passing through the premise and lingering on others’ muscular body in contempt of other heterosexual members’ existence. You can feel the gym has turned into an erotic space for gay men at that very moment. 1 .

(9) After those flirting and suggestive language is done secretly, gay men will resume their workout process. I have been working out in gyms for almost 7 years, from California Fitness Center to World Gym as a result of the merger of this two leading fitness in Taiwan in 2010. I would not call myself as a gym freak since I only go to the gym, 2-3 times a week and less than two hours for each time. The reason why I joined the gym was thanks to my ex-boyfriend “Wesley”, who was a personal trainer in California Fitness at that time and has been working out for years. He offered me a 7-day trial membership, showing me around how to build my body parts individually and. 治政大 out and they appeared carefully. During the trial period, I saw plenty of guys working 立 to have a happy social life there. When I saw their muscular physique, I felt inferior.. ‧ 國. 學. Thus, I was enrolled as a member and took up bodybuilding lessons. I went to the. ‧. gym very often and diligently at the very first two years. I even drank high protein. sit. y. Nat. milkshake after workout to tone up my muscle, yet it did not work for me: I remained. io. er. slim although friends said I was “bulky” by their standard. This is the most popular myth for most of guys who do weight training, that is, guys who work out will never. al. n. v i n be satisfied with who they are atCthe have witnessed some tragedies hpresent. e n gIceven hi U. during the past few years of workout: Guys who crave for muscular physique will try everything to get stronger; however, they get too “bulky” from time to time and, at last, their weight get out of control, becoming a calamity. I get acquainted with some straight guys and employees of the gyms, and they tell me they have seen or heard some man-to-man intercourse taking place in the shower room, which also appears in the narration in Alvarez’s book (Alvarez, 2010). Also, every time people ask me if I am gay, a sentence will always be followed. That is, “ You attend the gym and do weight training, right? You must be gay.” I feel. 2 .

(10) curious and astounded and asked them why. They then answer, “It is because only gay men care about their appearance and body shape. This is gay aesthetics!” Such stereotype is deeply inscribed in general public’s mind, and conversation as depicted above indicates two facets. First, gay men can have the chance to have sex at the gym as a fringe benefit of workout. Second, gay men go to gym and curve their body more than straight men do. This implies that gay individuals go to the gym mostly because they want to enhance their attractiveness to other men in either a long-term relationship or single-serving one. These findings intrigued me. I began doing some primary research on why gay. 治政大of journal articles are found men are related to bodybuilding in the past decade. Plenty 立 concerning the relationship between gay community and body dissatisfaction and. ‧ 國. 學. eating disorder. However, nearly all of these studies are written with western points of. ‧. views in English and published in major academic publications. Few are written in. sit. y. Nat. Chinese or with Asian points of views. Drummond did a research on Asian gay men’s. io. er. body (Drummond, 2005). This paper adopts qualitative research with six Asian gay males living in Adelaide, Australia, suggesting a life historical perspective reflecting. al. n. v i n that gay participants grow up inC straight-dominated U He also highlights the h e n g c h icultures.. men’s current adversity as they struggle to deal with being Asian gay men living in a white, heterosexual, Anglo-Australian surroundings. However, his paper failed to provide how Asian gay men’s thinks of Asian gay men’s body. This present research provides an alternative and rare aspect voicing from Asian countries, specified in Taiwan, and written in English as well. This research can complement the lack of diversity of research at the present regarding the connection between workout and self-acceptance of gay identity.. 3 .

(11) Also, referring to body-building, most gay men work out in World Gym, the largest chain franchise fitness center in Taiwan. Adorned with neon lights and avantgarde decoration, playing electronic music, gyms are considered as a keen battle “field” and always packed with guys who train their muscles to gear for any occasions for exhibit. Some guys purposively ignore other peers and take off their tank top to expose their perfect six packs, appreciating their nice body through the mirror. Sometimes guys with bulky muscles gather around and touch each other’s chest muscles admiringly. Some guys just absorb themselves in bodybuilding, whooshing when they lift weights without chatting with others. Eye contact always lingers in the. 治政大place every day in the gym I locker room and steam room. Such and such above takes 立 is a must and start to take up working out as “habitus”.. 學. ‧ 國. attend in Taipei. So erotic the atmosphere in the gym is that gay guys see gym going. ‧. Gay men are exposed to muscular body images everywhere, from friends’. sit. y. Nat. nude photos on Facebook, to online promotional posters for gay parties, gay. io. er. magazines and gay pornography - unconsciously and spontaneously as well. Odds are slim if a gay guy tries not to see images of muscular hunks even for one day. These. al. n. v i n Cofhthe gay men; thus,Uthey take up working out for images impose pressures on most engchi fear that they should be eliminated and marginalized from this gay social circle.. Obtaining muscles seems like a climbing trend among gay population, which takes place not merely in Taiwan but worldwide. In the favored TV series Sex And the City, four girls had a wild night out in a gay bar, witnessing hundreds of gay men dancing topless. Miranda asked, “Seriously, Why don't straight men have bodies like this?” “Because gay men have the possibility in sex at the gym. If straight men could have sex at the gym, they'd work out all the time too.” Carrie replied. In terms of looks and body image, gay men can be a pretty tough crowd. Men 4 .

(12) are visually programmed and attractiveness is key to a man's self-esteem and his impression on others, especially in gay culture. “Into muscular”, “muscle guys preferred.” Take a glimpse of gay-cruising smart phone social applications, such as Grindr, Jack’d and Scruff, and you can see criteria for searching other gay males are generally listed above. If one looks around at the gay community, almost everyone has made musculature such a focus. Alvarez (2010) suggested that almost every individual is going for that gym look, or that gym body, or trying to look muscular and attractive. A great deal of research done under a western context, muscularity has replaced effeminate image that once associated with gay men; muscular guys. 治政 represent masculinity and are becoming the mainstream大 in gay community. Earlier 立. research explains why gay men show greater concern about body building and have a. ‧ 國. 學. cult of muscles as a result of three responsible factors: (1) gay magazines, (2) gay. ‧. pornography, and (3) wresting. This fetishism of big muscles can be mostly observed. sit. y. Nat. through printed media or gay-related magazines, such as Attitude, Out and so on.. io. er. Analyzing two seasons of Out magazine to identify and evaluate the body image of gay men, Krishnasamy (2008) argues that being muscular is often the primary image. al. n. v i n portrayed in the Out magazine. C Academic in explaining why gay men are often h e nefforts gchi U considered to have the cult of muscles, gay pornography is another venue where muscular physique is inundated. Duggan and McCreary (2005) indicates that pornography exposure is positively correlated with social physique anxiety for gay men. Soulliere and Blair (2006) focus on images and commentaries of male wrestling performers' bodies, suggesting that the male body is constructed and presented in World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) television programs in its culturally ideal form, albeit somewhat "hyper-masculinized," emphasizing large size, lean muscularity, and strength as inter-connected features of the male body ideal. Existing. 5 .

(13) research argues that the muscular male body ideal, often promoted in the media, is associated with male body dissatisfaction and increasingly problematic attempts to attain unrealistic body shape by young males (Agliata & Tantleff-Dunn, 2004; Brennan, Crath, Hart, Gadalla, & Gillis, 2011; Duggan & McCreary, 2005; Giles & Close, 2008; Yelland & Tiggemann, 2003). However, the bulk of research has been done under western context, which lacks an Asian point of view. This present research can complement this scarcity. Indeed, this phenomenon can also be attribute to cult of masculinity, proposed by Signorile (1997). He argues that the constant pressure that men have to be men, to. 治政大 What our culture means do virile things, and to have a hyper-masculine appearance. 立. by “a man” is a social construct (Kesler, 2008). Under this patriarchic society, we are. ‧ 國. 學. taught to act like a man and grow up like a man, making every effort to eliminate. ‧. effeminate parts of self; being gay is deemed as a dissident. The mainstream. sit. y. Nat. expectation of most gay men is to be a fashion-obsessed, make-over giving, lispy. io. er. faggot (Castillo, 2009). Meyer (1995) suggests that “gay people, like members of other minority groups, are subjected to chronic stress related to this stigmatization”,. al. n. v i n C h expectations ofUstigma, and prejudicial events and describes internalized homophobia, engchi such as violence as distal and proximal sources of stress. Internalized homophobia. refers to the direction of societal negative attitudes toward the self. Meyer argues that internalized homophobia, expectations of rejection and discrimination (stigma), and actual events of discrimination and violence (prejudice) predict psychological distress in gay men (Meyer, 1995). Body dissatisfaction can also lead to psychological distress. All these factors (i.e., internalized homophobia, expected stigma for being gay, and experiences of physical attack) consist of minority stress, which may be fostered to explain why gay men concern their body physique more than heterosexual. 6 .

(14) men do. “Honestly, and I'm embarrassed to say it, but I'm hoping it will boost my self-esteem,” Chris admits. "I don't know how to boost my self-esteem now. My feeling is, “Get a great body and people will admire you. Get a great body and everything will be okay. This is an excerpt of interview from the book Life Outside1 by Signorile in 1997. People may form their self-esteem or self-identity through the eyes of a “generalized other”. Just like the example above, Chris goes to the gym doing body training very often, yet he still can’t be satisfied with his body physique, and he anticipates boosting self-esteem through workouts. Most of friends around him build their bodies;. 治政 he is expected by this “collective representation.” Thus,大 gay men’s doing workouts 立 can be seen as an act of “reflexive embodiment”, stating that people come to see ‧ 國. 學. themselves from the outside, through the eyes of others, and the schemas of collective. ‧. representation that order and make meaningful the particularities of their embodiment.. y. Nat. This reflection upon the self is rooted in social interaction (Crossley, 2001). Also,. er. io. sit. under this theoretical structure, we can infer the reason why gay men pursue muscular figure is social interaction. They see their peers acquire masculine physique, and this. al. n. v i n C h to look good is even idea reflecting on them. The pressure more intense in an imageengchi U driven culture where near-naked images of masculine perfection abound. Men are. being objectified. From super models and muscle boys to bears, along with those in the business of beauty, gay men can feel overwhelming stress and they are afraid of not being qualified for this collective representation; therefore, they then start their workout journey. Today, muscle culture is alive, and many gay men feel intense pressure to obtain lean, muscular builds (Geoghegan, 2004). Men, heterosexual or homosexual, . 1 Life. Outside - The Signorile Report on Gay Men: Sex, Drugs, Muscles, and the Passages of Life 7 . .

(15) perceive that they need to be as muscular as possible to prove their masculinity (Signorile, 1997). However, homosexual men are more at risk of adjusting themselves to cultural ideals of body image (Krishnasamy, 2008). While some researchers insist that why gay males care body image more than heterosexual men is psychological factors (internalized homophobia, minority stress, etc.), others suggest this is attributed to social causes (reflexive embodiment, media, etc.). I am interested in both of the points of views, so I will foster both psychological and social standpoints as the theoretical basis for my research, anticipating conducting a synthesized study. As Raymond Williams redefines what culture is in his book Keywords, there are. 治政大spiritual, and aesthetic three current usages: (a) a general process of intellectual, 立. development; (b) a particular way of life, whether of a people, a period, a group, or. ‧ 國. 學. humanity in general; and (c) the works and practices of intellectual and especially. ‧. artistic activity. This research follows the principle (b) as Raymond proposes and. sit. y. Nat. targets on how gay men consider the importance of workout, how life changes before. io. er. and after workout and how they reflect bodybuilding on their gay identity. This phenomenon presents a part of the gay culture, and it is related to “gay aesthetic”.. al. n. v i n C hhas become mainstream This subculture in gay community e n g c h i U and prevalent; it now even starts to influence other gay men and dominate gay-related media, especially in magazines (Agliata & Tantleff-Dunn, 2004; Duggan & McCreary, 2005). I will first start this research with literature review on Bourdieu’s theory of practice to explain why gay men attend specific gyms and the meanings of workout for gay men. This research adopts the concept of Bourdieu’s “habitus”, “accumulation of capital” and “field” to explain issues brought out above. Reflexive embodiment and minority stress model is the second theoretical background that will be used to explain research results. Second, I will move to methodology section, where I will expound on what. 8 .

(16) rationale and why I adopt such for this research. It is followed by research design, in which I will explain how I am going to conduct this present research.. 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. 9 . i n U. v.

(17) Chapter 2 Literature Review Since this research discusses gym going, the relationship between muscle building and gay identity, Bourdieu’s theory of practice is reviewed first. Theory of practice includes concepts of field, capital and habitus. Gym is a field where gay men work out to build muscles in order to be popular in gay community. When gay men start workout, this will turn into their lifestyle and criteria to opt for a partner, which gradually forms their tastes. Bourdieu’s theory of practice can explain this situation. Besides, living in a patriarchal and straight-dominated society, it’s difficult for. 政治大. gay men to meet the socially constructed norms. This research tries to explain why. 立. figure out this gay workout phenomenon.. 學. ‧ 國. gay men start bodybuilding, so reflexive embodiment and minority stress can offer to. y. Nat. 2.1 Pierre Bourdieu – Theory of Practice. io. sit. gym culture, reflexive embodiment and minority stress.. ‧. This literature review comprises four sections: Bourdieu’s theory of practice,. er. Pierre Bourdieu was a distinguished French sociologist, anthropologist and. al. n. v i n philosopher, whose prime contribution C h to sociology isUan elaboration of the concept of engchi capital in sociological contexts. At the nucleus of Bourdieu's sociological work is the. theory of practice that emphasizes the importance of the body and practices within the social world. In Bourdieu’s theory of practice, the world’s structural constraints form “permanent dispositions”. These are schemes of perception and thought, extremely general in their application, such as those which divide up the world in accordance with the oppositions between the male and the female, east and west, future and past, top and bottom, right and left, etc., and also, at a deeper level, if the form of bodily. 10 .

(18) postures and stances, ways of standing, sitting, looking, speaking, or walking (Bourdieu, 1977). By living in a society structured by such constraints, and organized by the successful practices of others, one develops predispositions to act in certain ways. Of all the oppositions that artificially divide social science, the most fundamental, and the most ruinous, is the one that is set up between subjectivism and objectivism (Bourdieu, 1992). According to Bourdieu, a habitus is then formed on the basis of the objective conditions individuals are exposed to which result in the embodiment of predisposition towards certain courses of action (Proctor, 2008). The habitus will lead to the process of practice, which will again construe in the. 治政大 reproduction of social structures and context. 立. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. 11 . i n U. v.

(19) 2.1.1 Habitus Habitus is the set of socially learned dispositions, skills and ways of acting that are often taken for granted, and which are acquired through the activities and experiences of everyday life. Perhaps in more basic terms, the habitus could be understood as a structure of the mind characterized by a set of acquired schemata, sensibilities, dispositions and taste (Bourdieu, 1977). Bourdieu introduces the idea of “habitus” to describe how tastes shape the relation between the body and its symbolic and material contexts, explaining that habitus is the durably installed generative principle of. 政治大 regularities immanent in the objective conditions of the production of their generative 立 regulated improvisations [which] produces practices which tend to reproduce the. ‧ 國. 學. principle, while adjusting to the demands inscribed as objective potentialities in the. situation, as defined by the cognitive and motivating structures making up the habitus. ‧. (Bourdieu, 1973, 1977, 1992; Park, 2011). Habitus embodies the lived conditions. sit. y. Nat. within which social practices, hierarchies, and forms of identification are made. io. al. n. predisposed by an existing social position (Sender, 2001).. 2.1.2 Capital. Ch. engchi. er. manifest through the choices of individuals, but where those choices already are. i n U. v. Bourdieu (1986, 1989) studies several fundamental categories of capital and the ways in which they can be exchanged and transformed into one another, including: cultural capital (arising from prestigious cultural goods produced and positions within cultural institutions such as universities), social capital (arising from networks of social relationships and influence), and economic capital (ownership of money, stocks, etc.). A.. Culture capital Culture capital can exist in three forms:. 1. In the embodied state, i.e., in the form of long-lasting dispositions of the mind and. 12 .

(20) body; 2. In the objectified state, in the form of cultural goods (pictures, books, dictionaries, instruments, machines, etc.), which are the trace or realization of theories or critiques of these theories, etc.; 3. In the institutionalized state, a form of objectification which must be set apart because, as will be seen in the case of educational qualifications, it confers entirely original properties on the cultural capital which it is presumed to guarantee. B.. Social capital. 治政大 resources which are Social capital is the aggregate of the actual or potential 立. linked to possession of a durable network of more or less institutionalized. ‧ 國. 學. relationships of mutual acquaintance and recognition – or in other words, to. ‧. membership in a group – which provides each of its members with the backing of the. sit. y. Nat. collectivity-owned capital, a ‘credential’ which entitles them to credit, in the various. io. Economic capital. al. v i n C hover economic resources Economic capital is command (cash, assets). The engchi U n. C.. er. senses of the word.. different types of capital can be derived from economic capital, but only at the cost of a more or less great effort of transformation, which is needed to produce the type of power effective in the field in question. D.. Symbolic capital Symbolic capital can be referred to as the resources available to an individual. on the basis of honor, prestige or recognition, and serves as value that one holds within a culture.. 13 .

(21) 2.1.3 Field Bourdieu (1973, 1992) defines the concept of field as a set of power relations between agents or institutions in the struggle for specific forms of domination and monopoly of an efficient type of capital (Gutiérrez, 1997). This space is characterized by relations of alliance among its members, who are on a quest to obtain the most benefit and impose as legitimate which defines them as a group; and by confrontation of groups and individuals in the search to improve their positions or exclude groups. The position depends on the type, volume and legitimacy of the capital and the habitus. 政治大 time. Hence, field, capital and habitus are concepts that are connected as shown in 立. that the subjects have acquired over the course of their lives, and how these vary over. ‧ 國. 學. figure 2.1.. Fields consist of producers, consumers, distributors of goods and legitimating. ‧. and regulatory bodies, whose characteristics, rules and conformation vary according. al. er. io. sit. y. Nat. to their history and relation to the field of power (Dromundo, 2007).. n. Figure 2.1 Pierre Bourdieu’s formula of practice. (Habitus) (capital). Ch. engchi Field. 14 . i n U. v. Practice.

(22) 2.2 Gym Culture Gym functions as a place for all individuals to do bodybuilding. Every individual who acquires membership is admitted to the premise, homosexual, heterosexual, men or women. Duncan (2007) suggests that gay culture and gay male communities place emphasis on physical appearance and body shape. Thus, people start to associate gym and bodybuilding with gay individuals, and this phenomenon is attributed to gay gym culture. The onset of male body aesthetics can be found in ancient Greece, where. 政治大 body physique, it was characterized by well-defined muscles that are developed 立. homosexuality was a part of gay gym culture then as it is today. In terms of ideal. ‧ 國. 學. without being overly bulky, symmetry in the upper and lower body, and an absence of body fat, as can be seen from sculptures or paintings. Gay gym culture is a. ‧. contemporary phenomenon with ancient and homosexual roots. Homosexuality has. sit. y. Nat. not just influenced gym culture- it is heavily responsible for its creation.. n. al. er. io. Friends or boyfriends meet after work and work out together, and others can count on running into their friends here. For many, the gym is only part of their social life, but for others it is their only interaction with the gay social world. Testosterone is in the air, and so is sex.. Ch. engchi. i n U. v. As depicted by Alvarez (2010), gym offers as a social venue and provides plenty of functions. In urban gay America, the gym is now an extension of gay social (and sometimes professional, recreational, and political) life. It has become the nucleus of gay life. I had no idea gay men could look like that; when I was younger the only way for men to be gay was to be sissies. Cecil Franco (pseudonym, a seventy-nine-year-old man, interviewed by Erick Alvarez) I thought having a muscular body and being masculine is just a part of being gay. – Brendan Eaton (pseudonym, a gay twenty-year-old college student, interviewed by Erick Alvarez) 15 .

(23) From these two amusing comparison, we can see the discrepancy about gay image among different generations. Before gay liberation, gay men who were masculine concealed their homosexuality. However, many of the early pioneers of gay liberation contested the “sissy” stereotype: gay men were now just like other men and were present in every position and career track. The movement accepted femininity and reclaimed masculinity; also, the spread of AIDS helped this “gay muscle revolution” set a standpoint. Doctors suggested those gay AIDS patients do workouts and exercise, which resulted in their bulky physique. This became the new model for gay community. Effeminate, frail, and weak images were replaced with. 治政大to gyms for bodybuilding. muscular and rugged appearance. Gay individuals flocked 立 Thus, in the 1970s the gay gyms started becoming social center for gay men;. ‧ 國. 學. meanwhile, they also started influencing gay culture and literally transforming the. ‧. image of gay men, both physical and cultural. The influx of gay group changed the. sit. y. Nat. atmosphere of gym industry.. io. er. For many straight men, the gym is only a place to work out, a tool they use, and it is completely separated from their social lives. Nevertheless, for gay men, gyms are. al. n. v i n C hgym has become aUmeeting place for gay men; an extension of gay social life. The engchi. friends visit while working out, and gay couples will often meet each other at the gym after work or go to the gym together. The gym also provides the opportunity to meet potential partners, either a long-term relationship or a temporary and romantic encounter. Testosterone makes gyms filled with erotic atmosphere. Masculinity is now displayed and perceived as an invitation for sex (Alvarez, 2010). When eyes meet, a sudden sparkler may arise. The possibility of meeting partners is sometimes what draws some gay men to the gym – a long-term or single-serving relationship. Locker. 16 .

(24) room sex is often seen in the gym. A sexual encounter is facilitated in the locker room for two simple reasons: the involved parties are naked, and men get sexually stimulated quite easily. Alvarez (2010) suggests that 41 percent of total survey respondents admitted having engaged in any type of sexual activity while in the locker room of any gym. Such sexual encounter can be aroused by strong male hormone and testosterone in some erotic spaces like gyms. In all, gay individuals care about their body physique more than straight men. After gay liberation, muscularity and masculinity have become prevalent in gay community. Gay men dare to display their results of ascetic bodybuilding and enjoy. 治政大 for gay men. They feel being watched. Gyms then become a new gathering premise 立 secure work out there, meet friends there, and even start their gay social life there.. ‧ 國. 學. Gym provides a venue and gay men utilize gyms to establish a “gay gym culture”,. ‧. which bestows gyms a different meaning and commence a so-called “gay aesthetics”.. sit. y. Nat. Gym culture is significant to gay men in Taiwan. Gay men in Taiwan are. io. er. oppressed and at times discriminated. They dared not to expose themselves in public; rather, they tended to maintain their social life or meet their partners in dark, private. al. n. v i n C hwhy New Park wasUprevalent in gay community. spaces. Therefore, that is the reason engchi Zheng-zhe Lai (Lai, 1998) indicates that there are 13 types of spaces that are. considered as publicly social places for gathering in gay community: parks, public toilets, gay bars, porn movie theaters, gay saunas, some specific beaches, gay associations, some specific hot-spring hotels, some specific gyms, some specific cafes, some specific restaurants, some specific bookstores and pubs holding gay night events, most of which offers opportunities for gay men to display their body. Gay men’s need to watch other gay men’s body can be satisfied through these channels, openly. In the 90s or even in the early millennium, while the society seemed improving in every. 17 .

(25) aspect, gay community still survived with huge stigma and discrimination. In 1998, a squad of policemen broke into a noted gymnasium, "AG club", well known among international and local gay men, in Taipei downtown, Taiwan. Two men were found caressing each other in a small compartment, and were arrested by the police. The charge was obscenity in public, although in that small compartment everything was so private, without disturbing anyone else. The policemen asked the 2 arrested men to show how gay sex was performed, to show how they have sex as they did it 5 minutes before, and the police wanted to photograph gay sex in action. The police also arrested a bodybuilding trainer at the club, and both he and the gym's owner were. 治政 later charged with providing customers with equipment大 (rooms and condoms) for the 立 alleged obscene acts. The Taipei district court found two gay men not guilty on. ‧ 國. 學. charges of indecency in 2000, calling it a case of justice delayed. This raid on a. ‧. fitness center allegedly fronting as a gay brothel and the subsequent arrest of three. io. er. showed how gay men were still discriminated in the late 90s.. sit. y. Nat. men has highlighted the divisions between gay rights activists and police; also, it. Nevertheless, gym has changed this oppressive phenomenon during the past. al. n. v i n decade. The first franchise gym,C California Center, was launched in Taipei in h e n gFitness chi U 1995. California struck up a brand new era for fitness industry. The following year,. Gold gym set up a branch in Taipei, heating up the gym industry. Such gyms provide exercising machines and aerobics classes, with chic interior design. Also, with the uprising sense of being more muscular, gay men start to “occupy” gyms for social occasions. Deprived of public spaces, gay men found an alternative place where they can live like heterosexual individuals. Thus, gay men’s life circles stepped out of shadow and walked into a more bright and public sphere. Sexual flings among gay community spread in gyms and gay men long for other men’s body (Qiu, 2001). In. 18 .

(26) the speech given at the Gay Pride in Taipei in 2011, Zheng-zhe Lai said that gay men can express the genuine self in gyms with teasing and gay terms in contempt of other heterosexual members, which has never been seen in other premises (Lai, 2011). Alvarez (2010) concluded in his book that across socioeconomic levels, cultural, ethnic and racial lines, and age differences, gay men seem to have one thing in common: their attraction for muscle boys. This affinity for a well-muscled body is the one constant, which in turn, brings men of all ages, races, colors, and body shapes under one roof-the gym. Gym is not only a social establishment in gay culture today but also a space where gay males feel secure and accepted by the society. This. 治政大for bodybuilding and why research will also examine where gay men in Taiwan go 立 they opt for certain gyms rather than others.. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. 19 . i n U. v.

(27) 2.3 Reflexive Embodiment Crossley (2001) argues in his book The Social Body: Habit, identity and desire that we are never in complete possession of ourselves. Our perceptible being is captured in schemas of collective representation. From the moment of birth, and even before, our anatomical state and embodied visibility are made to signify social meanings and we, accordingly, are positioned in social place. (p. 141) Drawing on Romanyshyn’s theory of “mirroring”, which states that we use the mirror to style the self we want to be; to create the image which will make others see. 政治大 towards reflection is acquired through experience in the form of habit. We have 立. us as we want to be seen, Mead argued that human capacity for choice and tendency. ‧ 國. 學. reflective and reflexive habits. The structure of the social world is incorporated within habitus. Mead exemplified his theory with games and the meanings of playing during. ‧. one’s childhood. Habit is the process through which one comes to view themselves. sit. y. Nat. through the eyes of a “generalized other” and forms the basis of self-identity (Duncan,. io. er. 2007). In this way, we see ourselves from outside like a “looking glass”, through the. al. eyes of others, and the schemas of collective representation that order and make. n. v i n meaningful the particularities ofC our hembodiment i U 2001; Duncan, 2007, e n g c h(Crossley, 2010). Crossley (2001) synthesizes previous research, suggesting that reflexivity and reflection are themselves rooted in habit. He views reflection and reflexivity as achievements of a process tending form the individual or particular, towards the universal and social. We acquire the habit of self-objectification and reflection by way of our involvement in the social world. Sociological objectification extends that form of self-objectification, which gives us a sense of me, the objectification rooted in our incorporation of the role of the other, further extending the possibility of self-. 20 .

(28) knowledge and mastery attainable by that route. To be reflective or reflexive is to transcend one’s own particularity and we do this by assuming the role of others, particular, and generalized others, the process of which can be approached through an openness to otherness, and, thereby, further transcendence of particularity. Since we reflect others point of views on ourselves, and one’s body is one’s ‘point of view’, we may act upon ourselves so as to change ourselves. He suggested that our self understanding is shaped by these (collective) representations and the way in which they classify and differentiate us, and even our bodies are shaped by these collective representations (Crossley, 2001).. 治政大and self-knowledge through According to Crossley, we get to form self-identity 立. collective representations and social interactions and all these acquisitions are rooted. ‧ 國. 學. in repetitive habits. We can finally embody our own self-identity and change. ‧. ourselves to become the one a generalized other sees us, including shaping our views. sit. y. Nat. towards our own body physiques. Being muscular is a collective representation of gay. io. er. males. Gym provides a venue where gay men can interact with each other. Under this social interaction and collective representation, gay males begin to reflect this. al. n. v i n muscular image on them. They C draw cultural narratives concerning h upon eng chi U. homosexuality, masculinity, pride, social status and the male body physique, and they act on their embodied selves in highly dissatisfying attempts to achieve or resist the dominant body ideal (Duncan, 2007). Duncan (2007, 2010) adopts Crossley’s “reflexive embodiment” as theoretical foundation in his research. In 2007, he interviewed with four gay men to demonstrate how each negotiates an athletic, muscular body ideal with reference to understandings of masculinity, pride, and gay sexuality. Duncan (2010) further fosters reflexive embodiment to analyze gay men’s embodiment practices in relation to discourses and. 21 .

(29) norms in “gay subculture”. The findings suggest that muscular body generates both social status and self-esteem, and spread out notions of everyday masculinity that imply rationality and control to resist gendered assumptions about gay men’s body image relationships.. 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. 22 . i n U. v.

(30) 2.4 Minority Stress Minority stress is first theorized by Meyer in 1995, in which Meyer describes it as psychosocial stress derived from minority status (Meyer, 1995). There are two hypotheses associated with Minority Stress Theory; one is Social Selection Hypothesis, and the other is Social Causation Hypothesis. Social Selection Hypothesis holds that there is something inherent to being in a minority group (e.g.. genetics) that makes individuals susceptible to health problems. However, it is clear that genetic and dispositional factors do not fully explain the health disparities. 政治大 group members face difficult social situations that lead to poor health (Dohrenwend, 立 observed in minority groups. Social Causation Hypothesis suggests that minority. ‧ 國. 學. 1966). Minority Stress Theory extends the social causation hypothesis, which. suggests that such difficult social experiences explain health differences between. ‧. minority and majority individuals. According to Social Stress Theory, social. sit. y. Nat. situations do not lead directly to health for minority individuals, but that difficult. io. er. social situations cause stress for minority individuals, which accrues over time,. al. resulting in long-term health deficits (Meyer, 2003). Meyer also indicates that. n. v i n C h high levels of stress minority stress describes chronically e n g c h i U faced by members of stigmatized minority groups. It may be caused by several factors, including poor social support and low socioeconomic status, but the most well understood causes of minority stress are interpersonal prejudice and discrimination. When the individual is a minority person in a stigmatizing and discriminating society, the conflict between him or her and the dominant culture can be onerous (Meyer, 1995). Thus, the concept is based on the premise that gay people, like members of other minority groups, are subjected to chronic stress related to their stigmatization. Such stress will, therefore, lead to adverse health outcomes.. 23 .

(31) Minority stress distinguishes between distal and proximal processes. Distal stress processes are external to the minority individual, including experiences with rejection, prejudice and discrimination. Proximal stress processes are internal, which are presumed to occur following exposure to distal stressors; they include concealment of one’s minority identity, vigilance and anxiety about prejudice, and negative feelings about one’s own minority group. Together, both stressors accumulate over time, leading to chronically high extents of stress that give rise to poor health. Proximal stressors are internal processes, examples of which include fear of. 治政大 and distaste for one’s rejection, rumination on previous experiences with prejudice, 立. own minority group following a prejudice event (Meyer, 2003, 2007). An expanding. ‧ 國. 學. body of research points out that exposure to distal stressors leads to proximal stressors. ‧. in LGB populations. For example, LGB youth and adults who have experienced. sit. y. Nat. prejudice about their sexual orientation sometimes choose to conceal their sexual. io. er. identity from others (Hamer, 2003; James M, 1996; McKee, 2000). Concealing such personal information result in significant psychological distress, including intrusive. al. n. v i n thoughts about the secret, shameCand guilt, anxiety andUisolation from other members he ngchi of the minority group (Cole, 2006; Oswald, 2007; Pachankis, 2007).. In addition to anxiety of others’ awareness of their sexual identity, internalized homophobia is another proximal stressor prevalent among LGB individuals, which refers to the internalization of negative social views about homosexuality, leading to self-hatred and poor self-regard (Meyer, 1995, 2003; Sanchez, Westefeld, Liu, & Vilain, 2010). Internalized homophobia refers to the direction of societal negative attitudes toward the self (Meyer, 1995). Long before gay individuals begin to realize their own sexuality, they are raised and cultivated with anti-homosexual attitudes.. 24 .

(32) When they are aware that they are attracted to the same sex, they start to question their acquired heterosexuality and apply not only the label “homosexual” or “gay” but also negative attitudes to themselves. Thoits (1985) explains that “role-taking abilities enable individuals to view themselves from the imagined perspective of others”. It is unlikely that internalized homophobia completely abates even when the person accepts his or her homosexuality (Cass, 1984; Coleman, 1982; Eliason, 1996; Troiden, 1988). Professional psychologists who work with gay men have noted that traditional masculine ideals play a prominent role in the gay community whereby some endorse these traditional ideals and stigmatize effeminate behavior by other gay men, giving. 治政大of body dissatisfaction. To rise to negative feeling about being gay and high extents 立 combat those stereotypical effeminate, less masculine images, gay individuals. ‧ 國. 學. commence to force themselves to work out in the gym, and some of them even take. ‧. more drastic approach, that is to control their diets or even take steroid to curve out. sit. y. Nat. their muscular body physique (Boroughs & Thompson, 2002; Duggan & McCreary,. io. & Burton, 2009).. er. 2005; Olivardia, Pope, Borowiecki, & Cohane, 2004; Siconolfi, Halkitis, Allomong,. al. n. v i n Casha minority group U To sum up, gay individuals e n g c h i experience discrimination,. perceived stigma against them, anti-homosexual attitudes, which lead to internalize homophobia. This fear of unraveling their real selves to others is deeply internalized so that internalized homophobia will linger even though they come to accept their sexual orientation. They want to defeat the discrimination-related attitudes in this heterosexual-dominated society.. 25 .

(33) Chapter 3 Research Design and Method 3.1 Research Structure This research is evolved from context, which concerns why gay men attend specific gyms and build muscles and why general public associate bodybuilding with gay men. Through primary research, Bourdieu’s concepts of “habitus’ can be related to this context. Habitus here indicates a lifestyle and tastes. Once gay men cultivate this habitus, they live up to practice bodybuilding, the results of which cause enhancing their self-esteem.. 立. 政治大. Habitus is derived from the theory of practice. Gay men build muscles to gain. ‧ 國. 學. popularity and accumulate capital. We can draw an analogy between gay community and capitalism. In capitalism, people gain respect if they acquire plentiful capital, and. ‧. so do gay men. Gay men gain popularity through body capital, which can be. Nat. sit. y. cumulated through practice of bodybuilding in the gym.. n. al. er. io. When gay men become muscular, they gain self-confidence and their gay. i n U. v. identity is enhanced. Reflexive embodiment explains not only why gay men want to. Ch. engchi. be muscular because they want to accomplish the self in others’ eyes but why general public relate bodybuilding to gay men. Minority stress can expound on gay men’s motivation to take up workout since gay men grow up in a straight-dominant society. They were muscular to conceal their gay identity and fought against these patriarchal norms, and this muscular image is evolved into the mainstream aesthetic standard. The concepts of this present research is presented as the figure 4.1 below:. 26 .

(34) Figure 3.1 Research structure. gym culture context. economical capital. muscular physiques. habitus. cultural capital. theory of practice social capital . ReVlexive embodiment. Enhancing their self-‐esteem . Practice. ‧. Minority stress. n. al. er. io. sit. y. meaning of working out. Nat. 3.2 Rationale. practice. 學. ‧ 國. 立. symbolic capital. 治政 Putting into 大. i n U. v. Ethnography field research engages in a particular community’s social organization. Ch. engchi. and culture with an aim towards understanding their “daily lives” (Emerson, Fretz, & Shaw, 1995). Since the present research aims to discover the meaning of workout for gay men and how bodybuilding influences their self-acceptance of gay identity, reaching and comprehending muscular gay community’s life pattern is indispensable. Given this, ethnography is chosen as rationale to conduct my research. To conduct ethnography fieldwork involves two distinct activities (Emerson et al., 1995). First, the ethnographer enters into a social setting and gets acquainted with people involved in it. The ethnographer participates in the daily routines of this setting, develops ongoing relationships with the people in it, and observes what is 27 .

(35) going on around the ethnographer. This basis approach is generally called “participant-observation”. Second, the ethnographer writes down in regular and systematic ways what is learned and observed while taking part in the daily routines of others’ life. Since I am a member in the gym with acquaintances with plenty of gay men, I actually observe and communicate with them for a long while. I have already built up communication and interaction systems with them. As a researcher and participant as well, I full understand the life pattern of gay men in the gym. Now that this research is associated with self-acceptance of gay identity and life pattern of gay men who work out often in the gym, I will present the result with the. 治政大to carry out my research. style of life stories. Thus, I will adopt narratology method 立 Kluckhohn outlines some of the advantages that narratology method offers,. ‧ 國. 學. which include insights into social change and “clues to implicit themes, as. ‧. documentation on roles, as demonstration of socialization and enculturation, as an. sit. y. Nat. entry into understanding personality, as a view of the ‘emotional structure’ of a way. io. er. of life, as a means toward understanding variations within a society, and also of seeing the ‘common humanity’ among peoples” (Mandelbaum, 1973).. al. n. v i n Costa and Matzner (2007)C find that the narratives: (1) are universal and help he ngchi U. convey some universal messages about human beings, (2) offer access to individual subjectivities and to gendered and/or sexual subjectivities in particular, (3) reveal agency and aspects of cultural controversy over norms and beliefs and how certain groups become marginalized, (4) unravel the practices of human transformation, and (5) provide a means of advocacy for and relation with other human beings. This present research deals with gay affairs, which is generally deemed as minority and marginalized community. Gay men indeed live in this same society: the one is heterosexual and patriarchal, and they often disappear from mainstream media. If do,. 28 .

(36) gay men are portrayed as a deviant group (McKee, 2000). Costa and Matzner suggest that narratology facilitates general public’s understanding to minority group and help people realize life forms of other types of human beings; thus, I utilize narratology to be my rationale that leads to my research findings. I will present my research findings with life stories. Through the reminiscence from the informants, readers can comprehend the importance of bodybuilding to gay men and how the process of workout affect and/or change their life.. 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. 29 . i n U. v.

(37) 3.3 Research Design and Informants. Determine research topic Review liwerature and analysis Devise research structure. 政治大. 立. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. Conceive outline for interviews. sit. n. er. io. al. y. Nat. Recruit informants . C. Conduct h e n g c h i interviews. i n U. v. Collect and anayze data. Draw conclusions Figure 3.1 Flow chart of research design. 30 . 1. Data checked by informants and feedbacks from them 2. Check literature .

(38) This research is conducted through in-depth interviews. This in-depth interview includes 3 informants. All of the three informants are self-identified gay men and have regular workout routine, and they are also acquaintances of mine. I endeavor to avoid similarity in research findings, sifting three informants from different groups for fear that they should have similar thoughts on the topic or interference with each other. Figure 3.2 Demography of informants. Age. Occupation. Duration of Workout. Kinds of Workout. Workout Location. 5 years. Weight training, jogging. Taipei Gym. World Gym. World Gym. 政治大 English. Tom. 40. Sales manager. 15 years. Weight training, aerobics. Ken. 29. English Teacher. 5 years. Weight training, jogging. 學. 25. sit. y. ‧. Nat. Oscar. 立 Teacher. ‧ 國. Pseudonym. n. al. er. io. The results of this present research follow phenomenology, which is the. i n U. v. philosophical study of the structures of subjective experience and consciousness.. Ch. engchi. Phenomenology, in Husserl's conception, is primarily concerned with the systematic reflection on and study of the structures of consciousness and the phenomena that appear in acts of consciousness. This phenomenological ontology can be clearly differentiated from the Cartesian method of analysis, which sees the world as objects, sets of objects, and objects acting and reacting upon one another. In its most basic form, phenomenology thus attempts to create conditions for the objective study of topics usually regarded as subjective: consciousness and the content of conscious experiences such as judgments, perceptions, and emotions. Although phenomenology seeks to be scientific, it does not attempt to study consciousness from the perspective 31 .

(39) of clinical psychology or neurology. Instead, it seeks through systematic reflection to determine the essential properties and structures of experience (Husserl, 1970). This research will concentrate on informants’ experiences and their life stories and practice of bodybuilding will induct the results. As Merriam (1998) suggests that qualitative research should be highly descriptive because the research should center on process, meaning and comprehending, I will not translate all the scripts into English version for fear of lacking in authenticity. Again, the findings will be presented in life stories/ history; thus, they should be highly descriptive and comprehensive according to Merriam.. 治政 Findings of this research will be presented in two parts.大 First comes to life stories of 立. the three informants and then analysis from the life stories. These three informants are. ‧ 國. 學. my friends, whom I have fair degrees of acquaintance about them. Acting as an. ‧. observer and gym participant at the same time, I can obtain most, if not all, of what. sit. y. Nat. the informants told me, leading me to reflect upon what I have got or questioned to. io. er. myself in mind for a period of time. I can have a good opportunity to contemplate on why I work out referring to the stories they kindly shared with me, which makes this. n. al. Ch. research more meaningful and contributive.. 3.4 Research Method. engchi. i n U. v. During my three-month fieldwork, I interviewed three self-identified gay Taiwanese men upon which their life narratives were analyzed. Since interviews were conducted through ethnographic method, results will be presented with three life stories utilizing first-person account. As a researcher, I am an observer and a participant as well because I also work out in the gym and I have known all the informants for a period of time, which means I can comprehend their thoughts and interpret what they really meant during interviews. These three informants are aged. 32 .

(40) between 25 and 40, giving extensive points of views of intentions why gay men in various ages train their muscles. There are similarities and also differences in their stories for why they attend gyms and the relationship between the deeds of workout and their gay identity.. 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. 33 . i n U. v.

(41) Chapter 4 Results And Discussion 4.1 Life Stories Muscle is My Strength. Prelude Dressed in fit-cut shirt and white shorts with mustache to present a rough look, Oscar walked towards me and greeted me vibrantly. “Hi,” the tender voice did not seem to correspond to his masculine and muscular image. He is 25 years old, finishing his. 政治大. master degrees at the present time. Unlike his real age, he acts like a big boy, which. 立. makes him adorable and more attractive. When he showed me his photos taken before. ‧ 國. 學. working out, I couldn’t help but cry out, “This is not possible!” By this, I mean the person in the pictures he showed me is no way the same one who was sitting in front. ‧. of me. I was so astounded how much he has changed during the past decade. He was. y. Nat. al. n. Reborn. Ch. engchi. er. io. has attained now. This is where his story begins.. sit. so slender and feminine in his teens, compared to how rugged and masculine image. i n U. v. Abandoned, grief-stricken and craving for a new self, I began devoting myself to this never-ending workout life. 2006, when I had a beautiful encounter with a man Peter living in Hualien, which is a milestone for my entire life. Slender and ugly was the lively depiction of myself, which is exactly different from what I look now. I was attending college in Taichung, having a chance to study in England for a month. To keep the bud of love flourishing, Skype became the fertilizer for our romance. I also bought everything he liked to prove how much I cared about him, fantasizing that we could have a great life together once I went back to Taiwan. When this long journey finished, I couldn’t wait 34 .

(42) to share every story I came across during my trip and gave him all the purchase. He turned of all of my phone calls. Thus, I took a train to the place he lived in Hualien, hanging all the things I prepared for him on the door. As I thought he would disappear from my life, he showed up with few merciless words, “You are too skinny and you are not the type I want.” Heart-broken, I blamed all on myself, being withdrawn in my own cage like a wounded lion. One day, while I was lying on my bed reminiscing of my trip to England, a thought for change occurred to me. “Most of men are strong and muscular there in England. I am so like a refugee compared with them. If I become one of them, I will astound Peter.” Whispering to myself, a commitment was made. 治政大 then. The ascetic process of workout was initiated. 立. At first I dared not attend any gyms in Taipei, for I did not possess a rippling. ‧ 國. 學. muscles and I was afraid to be discriminated by those muscular gym-goers. I decided. ‧. to buy exercise equipment home and started working out by myself. After two years. sit. y. Nat. of discipline, I became better-fit and more muscular than I was, which offered me. io. er. enough confidence to start working out in the gym. Thus, I purchased a five-year membership in Taipei Gym in 2008, marking a new milestone in my life.. n. al. Cinh Glamorous out; Unconfident. engchi. i n U. v. Before I started bodybuilding, I always wanted to draw people’s attention by dressing myself enchantingly. Middle-length hair, bunches of decorative bracelets on my both wrists, and self-fancied stylish clothes are approaches to boost up my confidence. However, the truth was that the more glamorous the image I tried to present, the more unconfident I was of myself. My lack of confidence could be traced back to my junior high, when I was rounded and feminine. Peers in my class started to bully me verbally by calling me “fatty” or “sissy boy”. I started to reverse this image in college by shedding my. 35 .

(43) weight first, which took me several years and still couldn’t enhance my confidence. Thus, I began to wear plenty of accessories to make me stand out in the crowd. This seemed help a bit, yet I still couldn’t find myself charming in this gay community; meanwhile, the man in Hualien broke my heart. A change was made, and I vowed to myself that I would impress people around me. A busy workout schedule and intake of food with high protein enabled me to build up muscles quickly and I gradually became muscular. In 2010, after two years of ascetic weight training since 2008, I finally could enjoy the harvest and benefits from my muscular figure, that is, I began to catch attention from other gay guys and get more wooers, which brought me. 治政大 those redundant immense confidence that I had never had before. I discarded 立. accessories and stylish clothes; moreover, I wore only simple and casual muscle shirts. ‧ 國. 學. and shorts, a typical gay look. Muscles are just my perfect accessories!. ‧. Reflection: Is muscle a must or a plus?. sit. y. Nat. Men are visual animals. Gay men are no exception, and such phenomena could be. io. er. even more intense. Although there were more wooers around me, they only focused. al. on my body instead of my thoughts or spiritual part of me. Sadly, that is to say, the. n. v i n C h however. “IsUmuscle a must or a plus?” Such quantity increased; the quality decreased engchi and such confusion emerged and occurred to me. It took me a while to figure out the meaning of muscular body image to me. “Muscle is my weapon!” I can take advantage of my muscles to meet more possible candidates before I bump into a relationship and make commitments, and I can get to screen out those who only have interest towards my thick chest with no intention to form a serious relationship.. 36 .

(44) Indeed, lots of gay guys who work out only seek for sex encounters, and a nice body surely can make one gain more sex appeal. To me, the reason I want to train my body not due to sex but more to making myself look better. Sometimes I feel frustrated because I’ve always fallen in love with those men who only yearn for ONS (one night stand) or friends with benefits and this really hurts my feelings. Bodybuilding is a long process. I will not give up working out and searching for a real romance, however. I will always prepare myself in the best condition for the best guy to appear in my life.. 立. 政治大. ‧. ‧ 國. 學. n. er. io. sit. y. Nat. al. Ch. engchi. 37 . i n U. v.

(45) Muscle is My Weapon. Prelude Ken always wears a white tank top with khaki shorts, which is always his favorite outfit. I have known Ken for almost 5 years. We worked for the same language center then but only for six months. Approximate a year later, I met him again in another language center we are both teaching now. I felt so surprised that how much he changed. He had his curly, middle-length hair cut and became more attractive, fit, and confident of himself. Being so curious, I asked him to be my informant, and here. 政治大. comes his story of transformation, which in turn makes me get to know him more.. An Australia-born Chinese. 立. ‧ 國. 學. I was born in Australia. Being the youngest among my cousins, I was always repelled by them. They excluded me from their conversations, and when I did something. ‧. wrong, they scolded me unanimously. I had no confidence in myself, always. sit. y. Nat. depreciating myself. This whole situation got exacerbated after I realized that my. al. er. io. sexual orientation differs from theirs. I felt apprehended that I will be alienated by this. v. n. society if people discover that I am gay. I talked to myself all the time that I am a. Ch. engchi. i n U. black sheep in my family. The fact that I wasn’t welcomed and disliked by my cousins and the anxiety to be found my sexual orientation pricked me a lot. I had no choice to dissemble my gay identity, disguising that I was straight. Having no gay friends around me, I was gradually devoured by loneliness, fear and lack of confidence until that summer vacation when I was 20, when I met my very first boyfriend while I was having summer vacation in Taiwan. He was serving in army at that time. One day, my mom discovered my gay identity through a letter he wrote me on my desk because it started with the word “my dearest husband”. My mom was terrified and furious when she read the letter, which was followed by fierce 38 .

(46) interrogations and serious revolutions. Luckily, this desperate situation only took place for a while and my family accepted the real me. I always feel blessed that I have a liberal family that supports me.. A Super Glittering Model To Be! I started workout in 2007. At that time, I just came back to Taiwan with no gay friends around and I got nothing to do as well. I joined California Fitness Center, which was acquired by World Gym in 2010, because I heard there were lots of gay guys working out there. I attended the gym 7 days a week then, which has become my. 政治大 A couple of months passed by, and I started to reap the harvest. Friends around 立. habit and interest.. ‧ 國. 學. me began to notice my muscles bulking up. I could even sense that my shirt became tighter. I did not need to try hard to get attention from others. More and more gay. ‧. guys proactively attempted to pick me up in the gym or at parties, most of whom. sit. y. Nat. sought for sex or “friends with benefit”. I also made several possible dates; however,. io. er. those relationships did not work in the end after getting along with each other. I came. al. to realize that I could be popular as well. I challenged myself to participate in a model. n. v i n C hof “The Perfect Body contest, and I was awarded the prize e n g c h i U Physique”. My confidence. was accumulated as a result of my fitter body, compliments from other people as well as the whole process of this model contest. This award meant significantly to me because finally I learned to give credits to myself instead of denying every effort and accomplishment I gained. I enjoyed the moment of people’s wowing my body whenever I took my shirts off on the dance floors or whenever they appreciated those photos on the magazines featuring me. These compliments in turn were converted into motivation for me to. 39 .

(47) work out even harder. In other words, I trained my muscles more for others than me. A thought of change evolved in my mind then.. Muscles Are Not Everything! I’ve been attending gyms for almost 6 years, and now I have more confidence in myself not because of my body but of my strong self-esteem. I still join parties and take off my clothes when I feel hot on dance floors now, but I know mature thoughts are as important as muscles. I work out more as my interest and parts of my daily routines now. I still work out seven days a week, but I am working out for myself and. 政治大 Also, I am not like other gay guys who train bigger muscles only to entitle 立. to make myself look better.. ‧ 國. 學. themselves to more possible hunky guys. When I choose my partner, I do not really judge him by his appearance or body. Instead, I emphasize more on his inner and. ‧. mental parts. I have to admit that men belong to visual creatures, but if you don’ t. sit. y. Nat. have an equivalently mature brain to go with your muscles, it will then become a. io. er. hunky body with empty minds.. al. I am fully confident in myself, both mentally and physically. I do not have to. n. v i n C h a white tank top U pick what to wear purposively. Only e n g c h i and casual shorts can make me stylish! My muscles and confidence are just my best accessories. Workout fulfill what I am lack and I am proud of who I was born to be more. In all, muscle training makes me gain confidence and my perfect body physique leads to my taking pride in gay identity. I always think a gay man’s brain is similar to a woman’s. We both are eager to be beautiful but each presents in different ways. Gay has keener sense of beauty than straight guys do, for which I can say that I am so proud to be gay.. 40 .