第五章 研究結論與建議
第三節 研究者的反思
論文寫到這邊,內心有許多的感觸。回想起自己剛升上碩一那段茫然、生活 失去重心的時期,明明一步步朝向自己的夢想前進,但卻又感到莫名的不安與焦 躁,不停地詢問自己:「妳怎麼了?這真的是妳想要的生活嗎?」我很感謝在這 個焦慮的階段有幸接觸到優勢取向諮商,讓我有機會為自己的混亂進行梳理,在 迷茫的狀態中,看見自己儘管過得不開心卻還是願意堅持下去的動力,以及儘管 自己不是那麼耀眼卻仍積極努力綻放的那份態度。深刻體會到即便嚮往多美好快 樂的日子,現實生活中仍會存在許多無法避免之不順心事,好像在多了一些理解 之後,逐漸能夠釋懷並且接納自己的狀態。在探索優勢力的過程中,我更看見自 己閃閃發亮的那一面,那是一種不需要跟他人比較,打從心底認為自己很特別、
很美好的感受。
這種美妙的感受在這份論文研究中也不斷經驗到,擔任諮商員以及分析員的 角色時,從三位參與者的生命故事中獲得許多共鳴,好像總能從每一個獨特故事 的背後都看到一點自己的影子,好像我是一個過來人,又或者該說是一個也共同 在面對自身議題的人,傾聽著這些看似很困擾,但卻又是那麼珍貴、有力量的故 事。呼應研究所期間自己的忙碌狀態,除了完成研究所修業學分、心理師實習之 外,加上自己額外又修習了教育學程,撰寫論文的這一年,我一樣讓自己馬不停 蹄的忙碌著,同時需要兼顧許多事物。身旁友人們常問「這麼辛苦的日子,妳怎
159
麼有辦法撐下去啊?」因為我知道有堅持下去的意義,也想證明自己有能力走過 這一段。
回首這段日子,確實相當辛苦難熬,但是最滿足、最讓我有成就感的是,本 來覺得不可能、自己做不到的事情,卻又一件一件的完成它,我想這些背後支撐 著我的力量,也是在這個辛苦的過程中需要一直被提醒銘記在心的信念。對我來 說,內心渴望走上助人者之路的初衷似乎一直帶給我指引,儘管這是一條辛苦又 漫長的路,但是當我陪伴他人經歷逆境與低潮時,看見他們在宣洩完情緒之後得 到焦慮的緩解,並從自己身上發覺獨一無二的優勢力量,找到希望感的模樣,總 能夠讓我擁有無比的溫暖與感動。
未來,肯定還是有許多困難與挑戰。生涯是一輩子都得面對的課題,倘若能 在走這一段生涯之路時,好好享受路途中的一草一木,用心去品嚐所有的酸甜苦 辣,看到自己優勢、良善的那一面,也看見自己低落、失意的模樣,儘管不是那 麼容易,但或許能試著練習接納自己的真實模樣。這條路上不必跟他人比較,而 是按照自己的步調,依循內在的渴望持續邁進。
最後我想說的是,生活中不可能凡事都一帆風順,但是儘管有些不喜歡的事 情,也要努力在這些不喜歡的事物當中找尋到一點點的喜歡、快樂與意義,我相 信這會是伴隨自己走下去的力量,也是優勢取向諮商帶給我最美好的收穫。祝福 自己,也祝福所有努力進行生涯探索的你們保有初心,綻放屬於自己的優勢與光 芒。
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