自我肯定與成長的旅程

一、琳琳的故事

我來自巴拿馬，經由朋友的介紹以及自己的各項考量，我申請來臺灣讀大 學，一開始我對新的環境、課程、語言和飲食都很不能適應，必須學新的課程、

新的語言，我也曾經感到情緒低落，還好我的家人和朋友給了我很大的支持，再 加上對自我有足夠的了解，來臺大約一年之後，就比較能適應在臺灣的生活。這 四年的經驗，讓我更加成熟，而且無論是臺灣這塊土地，還是臺灣人，都讓我留 下很美好的印象！

（一）決定來臺就讀與否的相關因素

到臺灣讀書是我第一次出國，來臺灣之前，我對臺灣一點也不了解，只從 朋友口中知道臺灣是個安全的地方，我也聽一些來臺讀書的朋友分享他們的經 驗，因為他們的介紹，讓我也申請了臺灣獎學金，很快的，我就申請通過了。

「Ok, first of all, I didn’t know anything about Taiwan…… And some friends, they told me about this scholarship, that they go Taiwan to study. And then I apply for that…… Everything happened so fast, and just after few months, I just came to Taiwan. And what basically is that I used have that opportunity and I apply for this scholarship and try to do my best to get here.」（G1-002）

「Yap! Taiwan was the first place that I visit when I am leaving. And then Singapore and Thailand……」（G1-018）

「After living here. Of course before I came here, some Panamanian that was studying here before. They told me Taiwan is very safe……」（G1-033）

其實，決定來臺讀書，也跟我個人的考量有關。巴拿馬在美洲國家中是個

商業中心，我們國家有來自各國的人，所以自然而然地，我們的想法也會變得比 較多元，所以會去思考未來的發展，相較於在巴拿馬讀書，來臺灣讀書可以學到 更專業的知識、認識不同的文化、認識不同的朋友，畢業後回到家鄉，工作機會 比較多、薪水比較高，總之，我認為出國後一切都會不一樣。

「Yap! Of course. You have to decide when you’ve been certain time in your life, you want to be something, you want to be a professional, and you want to be foolish, certain position in your society. You have to grade with（評估） what you need to get there. Of course comparing the location of Panama and the location of Taiwan, you get the bachelor, the master, or the PHD abroad. It’s more important that one your salary at home. Or maybe you have more opportunities, because you are having, it’s just not what you learn, what I learn about □□（科系名）, it’s also I have friends from Taiwan, and have friends from everywhere. And you open your mind. I think it is the most important thing that we can get here in Taiwan, or any pleasant when you leave outside from your country. Because you are learning about so many cultures, different people, different cultures, and you are learning how to behave with everyone. It’s not just what you think at the beginning when you are at home, but you think that everything is in this way but when you go aboard, you realize it. It’s really different.」（G1-037）

「…… My country, Panama is a country that you know, because of the Panama, the government of U.S, being a ministration, the Panama for long time. That means that Panama is the center of commercial things in center of America in the world. That means that many people from everywhere is living and working in Panama. We have a lot of … how to say… influence from many cultures. It’s not we just think in one way. Because of that because of East, I

love many cultures in our society. We know that it’s better to find the way, to live those things like go abroad, study abroad, prepare in other environment.」

（G1-038）

（二）生活背景與來臺適應的關係

1. 個人家庭背景

我的家庭經濟算是中間階層，家裡總共有五個人，從事木工的爸爸，生活 收入不穩定，要看市場的需求，所以我在巴拿馬的時候就很獨立，我到臺灣讀書，

並不會帶給家人太大的負擔，也因為如此，在臺灣有獎學金，我的生活就不會有 問題。

「My family? We are five. My father, my mother, my brother, and my sister.」

（G1-064）

「（家庭經濟）Middle level.」（G1-069）

「Yap! Actually I was independent before I came here I live alone. Apart from my family. For them it’s ok, because they really know that what I looking for and they know that, that I will do my best. But for them, it’s ok.」（G1-070）

「Well, sometimes（家裡會有經濟上的問題）, of course.」（G1-071）

「Woods. Yap. How many people they want to the chairs and desks…..or something like that. It depends on that.」（G1-073）

2. 來臺後生活情形

在臺灣的獎學金，每個月會給三萬元，我要學著運用這筆錢來支付學費、

生活費，第一年到臺灣時，我住宿舍，第二年開始我在校外租房子，這筆獎學金 也要支付我的房租，當然，我每個月也會存一些錢，有時需要看醫生、買衣服、

買書、買東西吃。這筆獎學金規定不可在臺灣工作，生活費相較於在北部生活，

在南部非市區學校生活算是足夠的。

「The scholarship that I got is from MOFA. They offer…it’s different every month. That we have to manage that money, to pay for tuition, everything that we need to spend in here, in Taiwan.」（G1-011）

「…… For the beginning they give you the same money every month.」

（G1-012）

「No. We don’t have the permission for works in Taiwan.」（G1-014）

「In ◎◎（地名）. Yap! Of course it is. Because in ◎◎, well…comparing in Taipei and ◎◎, we spend less in ◎◎. And if you are good managing your money and everything… of course it’s enough.」（G1-015）

「We live in the dormitory the first year.」（G1-091）

「I rent. 套房。」（G1-093）

「Well, I… this is my first summer in Taiwan. I went two times to my country.」

（G1-107）

「Ok, after I pay everything, I have a little bit money that is from the scholarship, if I get sick or my food, whatever, or buy my clothes or something.

That money I save everything.」（G1-112）

「It’s 30 thousand per month.」（G1-115）

「We have to pay insurance, food, the rent, transport, food, your own clothes, your book. Because anything, they give you the money but you have to pay anything. They give you that you will need in the semester, and they …you will need in the semester for whatever you are doing. You have to, with the money, you have to pay everything.」（G1-120）

（三）在臺學習歷程

1. 在臺課業學習歷程

我在巴拿馬讀大二的時候申請臺灣獎學金，我原本主修電腦設計，和我現 在所讀的科系很不一樣，一開始對我來說很困難，因為我一點相關背景都沒有，

不過我讀了這幾年，開始了解我這個科系，我發現自己還挺喜歡的。每學期大約 十幾學分，第一學期壓力最大了，要修十門課左右，而且每一門課的性質和內容 都不同。今年我現在已經大三，對未來也是有些期待，開始要思考是否繼續留在 臺灣，但目前的我真不想做決定。

「No, I was in the doing my bachelor degree, the university in my second year. I was studying something really different was… um… How to say it in English… … it …computer design.」（G1-003）

「Yap!!!（*語調上揚） After a few years I like（目前的科系）.（*笑）」（G1-007）

「It’s really hard because I had no background of the agriculture, even though my family have a farm. But I never work in that. I didn’t expect work in that.

Now I realize it, it is really good contribution here about the farming and everything. Now I do like. Yap, it was really hard in the beginning, really, really hard.」（G1-008）

「Well, it so many expectations. Because you know when we almost finish your bachelor here, it seems that what I should do? I should stay for master, I should go to do master in another country or just going back home. So many expectations for now, for me. I am trying to have as many possibilities. It depends what… in one year what I should decide. Now I don’t want to decide.」（G1-009）

「This semester I have eleven classes.」（G1-058）

「The first year was almost like… 7-10 courses for a semester.」（G1-061）

「Yes, this first semester was really very hard. Because they couldn’t put different course together.」（G1-063）

課業學習中另一個困難點是英文，我的英文程度並不好，我記得在課堂中，

有時我聽不懂教授在講什麼，我會用母語問我的同鄉朋友，他們都會幫忙我翻譯 或是協助我學習，就我所知，學校並沒有提供學習英文的團體，或是課業學習上 的協助，所以一開始來臺灣讀書真的很困難。

「Well, I have looked for the support from my country mates, my friends, and they tried to help me. I was in the class and it’s very funny because when I don’t know what the professor is saying or what is the meaning in English or something, I just say to my classmate, “What is that?” and she will say “ok, ok. It’s that…” It’s like my own translator but she is my friend.（*笑）」

（G1-048）

「At the beginning, it was difficult. Because of the English. You know that I was very not so good at that at the same time. I don’t have the background of agriculture. They don’t have … like a group for study in English.」（G1-140）

「Not really but I can ask help with my friends or my classmates. They are very nice because they know my mother language. I’m not the only one that is facing the same problem. It’s very difficult.」（G1-141）

「Not really…like no（學校沒有提供學習上的協助）…not really but we find the way to meet with classmates and try to study together.」（G1-153）

2. 來臺後語言學習情形

我的母語是西班牙語，大約在高中的時候開始學英文，只學了基本的課程，

沒有對話的課程，所以我對於用英文和別人講話，是會害怕的，就像一般臺灣人

不敢說英文一樣。不過一開始來到臺灣，我不會中文，就只好用英文表達，多了 很多機會練習英文，再加上課程都是英文授課，英文能力就變得比較好。

「Yap! Because for me, in the beginning I can’t speak in English.」（G1-039）

「Spanish.（母語）」（G1-040）

「We used to learn English at the high school.」（G1-041）

「But it’s（英文課） not really intensive, it’s like one more course. When I came here Taiwan, I have the opportunity to practice that, and improve that.

Because before, I can’t talk with any one, like we are doing now. It’s scare. It’s the same with you, the Taiwanese they feel like… they can not communicate, even though they know something about that or they can speak a little bit English.」（G1-042）

「Yap, but basic things, nothing like conversation.（英文只學基本的，沒有學 對話）」（G1-045）

「Yes, it’s（英文能力） better and better. Yap. Because I am studying in English.

And now this level of my curriculum. I need to improve my English. It seems like you are doing a seminar, you are doing presentation, doing the report. And we have to talk in English, everyone.」（G1-082）

我在臺灣學中文的過程也是挺困難的，上課用書是中文和英文，這兩個語 言對我來說都不容易，可以說是同一時間在學兩種語言，學中文大約一年，對我 來說實在不夠，學完中文一年我就開始讀大學，我的課程都是英文授課，同學們 也都講英文，練習說中文的機會變少了，中文能力就變差了，我覺得很失望。相 較之下我的聽力還不錯，我記得我剛來臺灣常常迷路，我盡量用我會的中文問 路，但是真的無法清楚表達的時候，路人也會很好心的想辦法讓我知道路。

「（問路）I try to do it in Chinese. If I know … the pronunciation of the place of course I would. If they don’t know, they used to try to find the way to tell you.

Or if they know, sometimes, almost the time, they pick me up to that place.」

（G1-029）

「Wow…for me that’s really hard, because of that when we are learning Chinese, it’s like… the books is Chinese and English… and I was studying two languages at the same time. Because by one to know what the Chinese characters means I need to know first what is in English. It’s more harder than if I can speak in English.」（G1-047）

「（學中文）One year.」（G1-052）

「No, it’s not enough. More for me, because I learn Chinese really slow. And when I finished my year of Chinese, I realize that. Now I’m feeling that a little bit something just stop…I went to ○○ for my bachelor（讀大學後，中文學 習就停止了）. The class was in English, I’m studying in English now. I need things like that I can’t practice because my department is international department, and everyone is international student. Even the secretary or professors, they always talking in English.」（G1-053）

「Ok, my Chinese is…getting worse.（*笑）」（G1-078）

「No, four years I am being here. So disappointed about that（中文能力）.

Because it’s not about the environment, it’s not about the people, it’s about me.

I should save time to practice or study or something.」（G1-079）

「 Chinese. Ok, I’m good at listening. （ * 笑 ） Because sometimes my pronunciation is not the same with what I want to say.（*笑） It’s really hard for me to remember all of them.」（G1-081）

（四）在臺身心適應歷程與支持系統

1. 在臺身心適應情形

剛到臺灣的時候無法適應，生活周遭的一切都改變了，我無法再用以前的 方式生活，而且我也會想家、感到孤單，再加上每年要等很久才能回家、機票錢 要自己存，心理適應的曲線可以說是起起伏伏，每隔幾週就感到情緒低落，我甚 至覺得自己應該要去找心理醫生。

「Well. At the beginning was really hard. Of course they change. Because the food, the language, it’s really hard to be yourself, to be the same way that you are living in your country. You are changing everything all environment……」

（G1-025）

「I can say that my curve is gonna like（*用手畫出曲線）」（G1-102）

「Well, yes, sometimes I feel like I miss so much my things, my home. Yes, here, you feel alone. Because going to get in ○○, It’s not easy. You are living alone with yourself……」（G1-103）

「Yes, it’s hard to wait many, so many times. Also it’s the fact that you have to know if you have money to go back. I need to, for me was like I need to say. As

「Yes, it’s hard to wait many, so many times. Also it’s the fact that you have to know if you have money to go back. I need to, for me was like I need to say. As