第四章 資料分析
第四節 走一條自己想走的路
一、小花的故事
我來自中美洲國家-巴拿馬，家中成員除了父母之外還有一個哥哥和妹妹，
家庭經濟中等。其實我一直想要出國讀書，但是媽媽太擔心了，所以直到我大二 的時候才同意我申請臺灣獎學金，之後先在臺灣學一年中文，現在就讀南部某大 學二年級。剛到臺灣的我沒有朋友、有點孤單、很想回家，不過只要我有需要，
臺灣人還是都很友善的，只是在課業學習的部分過程中曾讓我感到挫折，後來還 好有朋友和一些教授的支持，再加上我自己的努力，現在，臺灣讓我有家的感覺！
（一）來臺讀書的動機、原因與個人經驗
1. 來臺讀書的原因，外在因素是獎學金，內在因素是個人的意願
我高中最後一年就決定大學要出國讀書，會選擇出國讀書並沒有特別的原 因，但是我媽媽認為我還是小女孩，要我兩年後再看看，雖然我媽不讓我出國，
可是我還是想要出去，就算外面的世界很不一樣，我還是想試試看，所以我用兩 年的時間證明我可以出國讀書，上大學後我一直維持好成績，我也希望自己的表 現能讓媽媽放心。在我們國家其實有許多出國的獎學金可申請，後來我申請通過 了，而這獎學金就只提供到臺灣，讀書的地點並不是自己選擇的。
「……in my country, we have some scholarship plan so I apply the scholarship and I win. It is just come to Taiwan. It’s different…something very different but I want to try.」（E1-003）
「I don’t know（不清楚最初為何想出國讀書）」（E1-042）
「……My last year in my high school, I decide that I want to study abroad. My mom said, ”You’re still very young. After two years maybe we can think about that...your grade…”」（E1-043）
「……I keep（成績） every month… I just want to go（出國讀書） …」（E1-044）
2. 母親擔心出國念書的安全性以及能力，延後出國時間，讓哥哥先來臺灣
就當我媽媽擔心我一個小女孩無法適應在國外的生活，而不讓我出國讀書 的時候，媽媽就決定先讓哥哥出國，後來我哥申請通過，他就早我一年到臺灣讀 書，我讀到大二才出國。「No, actually my brother is also here. But he came here one year first and then I come.」（E1-005）
「No（語氣上揚）…the idea was mine. I want to come first, but my mom said,
“No… you’re a girl…my baby…let your brother go first…” He applied, he wins and then I apply.」（E1-017）
3. 巴拿馬人想出國念書的多，實際行動者少，有可能是因為不想單獨出國
雖然巴拿馬有很多出國讀書的獎學金，我和朋友聊天的時候，也聽他們說 想出國，可是實際申請的人並不多，我想他們應該不想一個人出國吧！一個人在 一個陌生的環境生活，那種感覺真的很孤單。「They say that there are many people want to study abroad, but not too many people apply actually.」（E1-015）
「……they don’t want to go alone……It’s very easy to apply.」（E1-016）
4. 來臺前曾有出國遊玩的經驗，但出國讀書是第一次
當我 16 歲的時候，在我們國家就是成年了，所以依照習俗，我們需要買個 東西給父母，所以我就和我爸媽到美國玩幾週，不過出國讀書是第一次，我目前 已經來臺灣三年了，第一年到學校語言中心學中文，第二年才開始讀大學。
「（學中文）third year」（E1-001）
「I studied Chinese for one year and then study from the freshman.」（E1-002）
「……16 years old I traveled to United States for a few weeks. It’s very traditional in my country. 16 years you’re a lady and you should buy your parent a dinner something like this.」（E1-019）
5. 對臺所知有限，但已有心理準備，知道會是辛苦的過程
我來臺灣前，沒學過中文，也不了解臺灣，只知道臺灣很遠、很遠，所以 我知道到臺灣讀書不是一件容易的事，不過我哥有跟我說臺灣很安全、臺灣人都 很友善，我也從網路上找一些跟臺灣有關的訊息，直到我真的來到臺灣，我就更 能理解我之前所知道的一切。
「I know it would not be easy because I come here I don’t know any of Chinese.
My brother said the people here are friendly.」（E1-022）
「Yap…But at the beginning when I said I want to go to Taiwan, I know it’s so far far away but I don’t know. I look the internet.」（E1-023）
「Yap…it’s a very safe place to visit. I can make it a little bit.」（E1-024）
（二）影響在臺適應的外在因素
1. 經濟問題與在臺適應的關係
我們家庭經濟中等，爸爸是報社的記者，媽媽是護士，還好有獎學金可支 付五年學費與生活所需，包含第一年學中文，雖然不能打工、也沒有免費住宿，
但只要每學期維持規定的成績水準，不隨便亂花錢，在臺的經濟不會有問題。不 過爸媽還是會擔心我在臺灣會需要用到錢，他們在巴拿馬仍然有存一些錢以備不 時之需。
由於在校住宿只是比較便宜，沒有免費，所以我就決定用獎學金提供的生
活費租房子，現在我和哥哥一起分擔房租，我們可以一起煮自己喜歡吃的東西，
真的很棒！
「Right now it’s a little bit lower but a few years before because my father loose his job but it’s still middle. My mother is a nurse. She works in a hospital. My father is a journalist. He writes for the newspaper. So the salary is not so high.
It’s just medium level but it’s ok.」（E1-026）
「Actually for five years. I have to take one year of Chinese. One year Chinese and then four years curriculum……」（E1-030）
「But of course I have to keep good score.」（E1-033）
「The scholarship gives me a little bit every month. I decide to live outside.」
（E1-067）
「If I live in school, I know it would be a little bit cheaper.」（E1-068）
「Yes, not free. I live outside and share everything with my brother. We love to cook, if we live here, we can not」（E1-070）
「No… I can’t work. My scholarship says no. If I work, and they find that, they would be cancel the scholarship.」（E1-076）
「Yap…I think I don’t have many to eat or something…」（E1-077）
「……They（父母） know that maybe some day or need something very special.
They will pay a little bit. They save money every month in case I really need it
（*笑）. Because we are so far not to know what happen.」（E1-078）
2. 個人的飲食習慣與文化會影響在臺適應情形
因為臺灣的食物跟巴拿馬很不一樣，有些聞起來就不會想吃，還好我哥哥 會鼓勵我吃吃看，當我吃了之後，我就喜歡上臺灣食物了，也因為這樣，我也不 會再害怕嘗試新事物，不過我們兄妹倆很喜歡自己煮東西吃，自己住在校外，煮
東西就比在宿舍方便多了！
「……We love to cook, if we live here（宿舍）, we can not.」（E1-070）
「At the beginning… the food just the smell was that I can not eat that. But when you try…mmm（R: delicious）Yap! But at the beginning was that “No”,
“I don’t want to try, I don’t want to try”. But my brother said, “I know what you think. The thing you must to eat!” He knows that I would like it. This is the food that I eat first day here. Then I try and try and try. Everything was delicious. I don’t have any problem with food. I don’t afraid to try new things.」
（E1-129）
3. 在臺之交通問題與適應
學校週邊的交通工具只有公車，而且要到市中心、搭捷運的話，都不是很 方便，若有機車會方便許多，所以我就存錢買了一臺機車，但相對的，如何考駕 照，如何買車，這些都需要我花時間去處理。
「……It’s a little bit difficult for a foreigner to get the scooter license. It takes me a little bit time. Where to apply, where can I buy.」（E1-156）
「Yap! In here there is just a bus, no MRT. Just the bus, but it’s not every time
（並非隨時都有公車）. If I want to go to the place, I have to take like three buses. I say no…So I buy mine.」（E1-157）
4. 不能適應臺灣天氣的原因有二，臺灣之空氣品質與個人體質
來到臺灣我最不能適應的應該就是天氣吧！一開始我覺得這裡的空氣不 好，就算戴上口罩還是有不舒服的感覺，再加上我有氣喘的問題，另外，這裡也 有點潮濕，我會過敏，所以一開始很難適應。
「The weather was（最不能適應的）. The first time I came here.」（E1-112）
「Yes. And no fresh air. The pollution… I have asthma so for me…」（E1-114）
「It’s not like you put a mask you feel nothing. I still feel that I can not breathe.」
（E1-116）
「Now? It’s ok for me.（*笑）The humility, my skin, my eyes were red.」（E1-117）
「He（醫生） said it’s allergy to the environment. So I can not go out to my house. Hegives me some medication……Now it’s ok.」（E1-119）
5. 在臺個人支持系統
剛到臺灣的時候，很想念我在巴拿馬的家人和朋友，雖然我哥哥也在臺灣，
但是一開始並沒有在同一間學校，還是會感到很孤單，我哥哥因為也有相同的經 驗，他了解我的狀況，就會鼓勵我，要我不要擔心；漸漸地，我認識了一些臺灣 朋友、外國朋友，甚至有些教授也願意幫忙我，他們都很關心我在臺灣的生活，
我印象最深的是我鄰居，他們家就像是我臺灣的家人一樣。
「Yap…Those Taiwanese friend told me a little bit that you know what happened these days…you know what we should do with this…I have…She was my neighbor a few years ago but now she is like my Taiwanese mom.」（E1-063）
「No. I live outside……They are like my Taiwanese family. So they invite me to dinner, to walk some way.」（E1-065）
「…… I have a professor who helps me. He asked me where I was living. I said I’m living in this road but I need to move and I’m looking for a new place. He helped me to look for them……」（E1-146）
「……You’ll feel down, sad. But I talk with other professors. They cheer me up and my classmates say it’s so bad…They said “Don’t worry, don’t cry. Just do what you want to do.”」（E1-087）
「Yap. Of course. It was difficult to my brother, too. He knows. He was very kind with me. “Don’t worry.” He knows.」（E1-095）
「Well I missed so much my family. Of course that the first time that I been without them. My first year, I didn’t live with my brother because my brother lived here but it was very helpful for me having him here. But I think that I can not make it, I have to go back. I need them; I feel that this is not my place. You have no friend. You have no one to talk. I have a boyfriend in Panama. So of course you miss your family and miss your boyfriend. I think that I want to go back; I don’t want to stay here any more.」（E1-123）
「Yap! But I was studying with some foreigners because I was studying in Chinese. They saw that I don’t want to do any thing, I feel like sad. They help me to cheer me up and I was feeling that’s ok. My family will be always by me.」（E1-124）
「Yap! Skype. I have a line. It’s free.」（E1-126）
「Yap! It was. It was. The friends … you have a lot of good team now. You can make it…just try. If you feel that you can not but you try in other thing. We appreciate that kind of things.」（E1-127）
「Yap! I can find some one away to keep this（在臺生活）. So yes I try to talk to professors, some friends I find here in Taiwan. And they talk with me if I need something. Of course they give to me. So if you have some one to talk, it would make your life better and easier. Because you have the audiences.」（E1-130）
後來我知道學校有諮商中心，也知道若我有什麼問題都可以去中心找老師 幫忙，我偶爾會到諮商中心看書，中心的環境很棒，但我不會找人聊天也不會找 老師談話，我有問題應該是會找我比較信任的對象，若真的無法解決，諮商中心 才會是我下一個尋求協助的管道。
「Yap! I think sometimes I come here（諮商中心） but not talk to the teachers, not talk to anyone. But it’s a good place.」（E1-165）
「Yap! If you feel more confident with them, of course you think that they can help you. Or you just need to talk, you don’t go the center. That would be my next option.」（E1-168）
6. 當地人主動會比較容易建立最初的人際關係
我還記得第一學期開學的時候，沒有人要跟我講話，雖然我原本就知道一 開始到新環境會很辛苦，要認識真正的朋友是不容易的，不過幾週之後，有幾位 同學主動跟我聊天、一起寫功課，才慢慢熟悉彼此，但我們還不算是真正的朋友，
只能算是可以一同活動的朋友。
「Well, my first day, no one wants to talk to me.」（E1-047）
「Yap, I know. It was very hard at the beginning. But a couple weeks later there were three or four ladies saying, “Do you want to stay with us? Do you want to do homework together?” It’s still the same girls in every class. Their English is not like very well but they will explain something in Chinese. Or if I say I don’t get it, they’ll explain a little bit. But just like the ladies. Although just say, “Hi. Byebye. Or something…”, we are not like friends.」（E1-048）
「But still it’s not like friendship. It’s not like we can out together.」（E1-049）
「The people no…the friend maybe… Because it’s not easy to make friends, make good friends here…」（E1-121）
7. 從生活圈認識新朋友
除了在班上認識新朋友之外，第一年我住宿舍也有很多機會認識臺灣學生 或外籍生，我還會參加外籍生組的球隊，甚至是在外面吃飯的時候，和別人交換
聯絡方式，我知道臺灣人其實不太敢主動跟外國人講話，但我有遇過一些通常我 都認識一些比我年紀大的人。雖然在臺灣我真的需要朋友，可是我並不會隨便主 動去交朋友，而是常常有人來跟我講話。
「……I know Taiwanese people but not from my classroom. They are very older
「……I know Taiwanese people but not from my classroom. They are very older